Textbook Apology of An Awful Person

Originally Written on My Tumblr Blog.....

I’m sorry that (recipient of horrible thing) was hurt by (horrible thing made to sound completely innocuous) but (selfish ideology that doesn’t apply to recipient) which has led me to feel that in this life (rationale as to why horrible thing has to be done). Besides, (group of people that resemble recipient) only get hurt by these kind of situations because deep down (uneducated if not biased psychological analysis). 

Maybe if they didn’t hate themselves deep down, they might not have (passionate reaction to horrible thing). My life is better because of (selfish ideology) and that’s not a crime. 


I wish more people would see that (selfish ideology) is the way to go but I realize that not everyone (backhanded callback to selfish ideology) like me, so I recognize how (recipient of horrible thing) could be hurt by (horrible thing), so I will do better in the future to not (horrible thing) in the presence of (group that resembles recipient). I ask for their (not forgiveness) and understanding in this matter. Thank you.

Stuff I Read This Week 4/23/14

Original Sin #0: Unless you're a Marvel reader who has been living under a rock (not the one Cliven Bundy's been under, I hope), you know that the Original Sin even is imminent. Not much is known about what kind of event we're in for, but if you've been paying attention to the advertisments...."SOMEONE" is going to die. I don't know that this is something that anyone asked for, per se, but Marvel won some points as far as events go after Infinity (which ALMOST made up for the Shyamalan-esque travesty that was Age of Ultron), so I'm willing to give them the benefit of the doubt.

Issue 0 is mainly a primer going into the main even that lets new readers get to know Uatu, the Watcher. Most of Mark Waid's story is told from the perspective of Sam Alexander (Nova) while Uatu himself is silent just as he is in Nova's solo series (you're really missing out if you aren't reading that, by the way). The book sees Sam searching for more insight about his new alien friend's purpose in the cosmic community. He actually ends up being the perfect character to lead the reader along this journey because of his gung-ho innocence. Having a main character who looks upon this sprawling universe with a wide eyed wonder gives it a much needed feeling of accessibility. Jim Cheung and Paco Medina co-penciled this issue which is usually sort of a hazard when artists differ in art style, but the dazzling ink work makes it less noticeable, making for a gorgeous book in addition to being well written. Though the story itself isn't necessarily groundbreaking here, the look of the issue definitely makes it worth the price of admission.

Bottom Line: Despite not having the most ambitious of plotlines, Mark Waid manages to bang out an engaging read that leaves us ready for the meat of Original Sin. 8 out of 10

Uncanny Avengers #19: It seems this book has started to pick up speed again. Who w It seems this book has started to pick up speed again. Who would have thought th ould have thought this book would make it's return to glory by doing something so revolutionary as actually making sense again? Rick Remender started this title so strong with the Avengers Unity Division taking on the Red Skull and then meandered off through time and space nonsensically until nobody knew or cared what was happening. Then, the series did something nobody expected that changed the game: it ended with the Unity Squad failing to save the Earth from ultimate destruction. 

This issue continues Alex Summers' fight to avenge the Earth while evading the ruling class mutants on Planet X. Kang and his recruits from all across time have joined the fray and it's probably one of the strongest points in the book. Usually, when comics deal with time travel, they seem to get bogged down in showing off alternative versions of known characters (which is ultimately to gauge what action figures the Big Two can hock). Rick Remender takes known alternate characters (Earth X May Parker, Doom 2099, Arno Stark, etc.) and makes them feel fresh and underrated instead of overused. Nobody ASKED for a Doom 2099/Blob fight, but we got one and it was pretty awesome. As far as villains go, Eimin seemed more engaging when she was a layered character who was being used by Kang. This story arc sees her become more of a typical, one dimensional villain. Meanwhile, Rememder is getting really good at writing Kang. His resolve to save the world so that HE can conquer it one day is a joy to read and his dickishness knows no chill. Daniel Acuna's artwork is spot on for this arc, really fleshing out this new world that's part Earth X/part Fifth Element.

Bottom Line: It is great to see this book finally getting its shit together again. 8 out of 10

....About Suicide

Disclaimer: If you haven't guessed by the title, this week's post is NOT about comics or nerd culture. I understand that my audience comes here for a specific thing and I respect/honor you all for staying with me and reading me weekly. But I also feel that there are times when exceptions can and should be made. This is one of those times. Thank you in advance for keeping an open mind.

It's been a little more than a week since Karyn Washington, the founder of "For Brown Girls", took her own life and it's bothered me for as many days.  We never interacted on Twitter, you won't find any of my feedback in the FBG comment sections just like you won't find any of hers in mine. We've never crossed paths in the street. In other words, though I'm familiar with her work, I'm sad to say I didn't know her. However, I've found myself spending most of my week wrestling with a blank document, unable to muster a decent post to honor her because her life deserves celebration. I wracked my brain over what to say that nobody else has already said in a week's time. But I've never written this blog to be some cutting edge, trendsetting upstart before and I probably shouldn't start now. That's why I decided to just write what I was feeling and perhaps somewhere along the way, I might end up saying what someone needs to hear. Now, this brings about inevitable questions and criticisms like:

"Why so much attention for this woman when this happens to people less famous every day?"

"Why the fuss? YOU didn't know her so why the crocodile tears?"

If you venture into the comment section of any number of articles (which I strongly advise against doing EVER for ANYTHING) concerning Karyn's untimely demise, you'll find your share of commentary along these lines. These people miss the point of talking about her and, at the same time, totally ARE the point. I could probably deconstruct and dismiss these sort of comments as trolls making something tragic about themselves and their pet cause of the moment, but then I myself would be dismissing something deeper. Besides, I don't feel any degree of anger or resentment towards these people and neither anyone else because a). the internet and b). more often than not, this is a coping mechanism.

Some years ago, for reasons unknown, my cousin grew depressed and/or angry enough with the world to kill himself. I'll never know the real reasons for him taking himself away from our family, but I spent a long time pretending it was just some thing that happens all the time that happened to someone I knew and that it didn't matter ultimately. I was knowingly running from the truth: that I blamed myself for seeing the signs early on and not saying something. As far as I was concerned, someone's life was in the balance and I'd unknowingly turned my back out of some misguided sense of being polite. Meanwhile, I was inconsolable on the inside. There isn't a day that goes by where I'm not convinced that there's more that I could have done, that we could have sat together as a family and told him that we loved him, that whatever was wrong, we could have dealt with it together. We could have saved him.

Since then, I've subscribe to the notion that, though we are so different and divided, empathy is the purest version of our lifeline to one another. Some people plug in and embrace it. Others deny it, fearing the feeling of strapping another person's pain to their back. Dismissing Karyn's death, though still sort of awful, isn't necessarily an evil act. It's human beings running from the sense of failure so many of us feel. To embrace the hurt of someone taking their own life is to explore the possibility (NOT saying this is how we should look at it) that we as a community, a species, a planet....failed her.

This is a theory, an explanation.....but IT IS NOT AN EXCUSE.

If our lives can't improve, save or protect the lives of others whether we know them or not, what are we living for? We will ALL leave this life at one point or another. That is an unavoidable truth. But if we all have to live here together, we could at least make the time we have to spend next to each other that much more bearable. We HAVE to start meaning more to each other. Karyn Washington isn't here today partially because she needed more love than this cynical world was capable of giving her and despite not personally knowing her, I'd give anything to have her here, alive, smiling, healing. But if she can't be here, we can at least learn this one simple truth from her death.

Things like this don't have to happen.

If you think someone is hurting themselves or going to hurt themselves, get them help. If you yourself are hurting and thinking about hurting yourself, tell someone. If you were drowning in the middle of the ocean, there would be no shame in reaching up for the surface. No matter who you are, where you come from, how much money you have, your status in life, you have value. You matter. We are all creatures of endless beauty and unimaginable worth. We are deserving of each other's love. Remind someone of that today, tomorrow, every day and, in turn, you remind yourself.

Like I said, I didn't know Karyn Washington, but I love her enough to want a better fate for someone who may be feeling as hopeless as she did in the end. I hope someone else does, too.

“The real beauty of Karyn was that she was a good person. She loved people. She wanted to help people. That’s what made her beautiful and she knew that. We have to remember that, we have to love each other. That was more of the main lessons I’ve learned from Karyn. Keep caring.” ~Yumnah Najah

Stuff I Read This Week 4/18/14

Thor, God of Thunder #21: Jason Aaron has Thor down almost to a science. So far, the God of Thunder series has been as suitably epic in scale as a series about a god could ever hope to deliver. It traverses time and space with the ease of your apartment building's elevator. The "Last Days of Midgard" story is one that has proven to be a perfect display of such scale.

This issue picks up where the last left off with Present Time Thor at odds with an evil conglomerate so intent on mining the Earth's resources until it dies, you would almost think Aaron had borrowed a villain directly from Captain Planet. This alone makes for interesting conflict, reminding our hero that not every villain is one that he can defeat with a swing of his hammer. It also gives us more of Thor's newfound (kinda) girlfriend, SHIELD agent Roz Solomon, who serves as a nice sidekick to teach the God of Thunder something about dealing with earthly ways like lawyers. It's funny as all hell, too. Then, there's my favorite part where, in the far future, Old Thor, ruler of Asgard gets into a fistfight....let me reiterate....a knockdown, drag-out street fight with GALACTUS!!!! It's pretty difficult to get more epic than that. I can practically hear the nerds five years from now in their "who would win" fights citing that time when Thor got into it with Galactus and lived (we think so far). Of course, none of this would leap off of the page the way it does if it weren't for Esad Ribic. With his sweeping sense of scope and his taste for detailed landscapes adds to the flavor of Aaron's tale of legends. In fact, each page has the kind of style one would think you might find in a sacred tome telling the myths of the Asgardian prince.

Bottom Line: Jason Aaron is telling some of the best stories in Thor's history. This issue is no different. 9 out of 10

Batman #30: Scott Snyder's run on Batman in the New 52 era has had some pretty impressive successes. The Zero Year saga in particular has been his best work on the series. We've seen a fun, swashbuckling take on the Bat-mythos that puts a fun spin on an endlessly retreaded origin. We see a wild-eyed Batman who shoots from the hip, curses and smiles from time to time. But the most notable highlight of this entire series has been the Riddler. 

The evolution of Edward Nygma is one that can only be seen to believed. Over the years, he's been a Woody Allen-esque sidekick to Catwoman, a world class thief and even a detective. Here in the latest issue going into the "Savage City" story, we see a maniacal mastermind who has been one step ahead of the Dark Knight Detective with Gotham completely under his thumb. This story thus far highlights three particularly interesting things. First, this is probably the MOST diabolical we've ever seen the Riddler, capitalizing on opportunities left behind by the various goings-on in the city. The second notable is that Snyder has become adept at making Jim Gordon almost a superhero in his own right and appropriately so. The point of Batman (most especially in the Dark Knight era of the character) is that he brings criminals down a peg so that the law can work for itself. In that context, there is pretty much no greater champion of good in Gotham than Gordon. He's the city's rock. Zero Year has been great at shining a spotlight on his heroics. And finally, the BEST thing is that in the era in which Batman is seen as an unfallible ubermensch of sorts, we see him dealing with failure. This is what it's like when The World's Greatest Detective isn't always in control, who doesn't go into battle with the upper hand on his foe. It's actually a very nice change of pace. At this point going into the perfection that Greg Capullo's artwork is almost an exercise in redundancy. His detailed layouts are great at depicting a defeated wasteland of a city.

Bottom Line: This is easily one the best books DC has to offer. If you're not reading it at this point, I don't know what else you're doing. 9 out of 10.

.....That Time When People Gave A Fuck About Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Again

So, this week, Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. became relevant with the fanboys again. This is monumental because this is something that hasn't happened since the first episode....which was 16 episodes ago (once everyone realized Joss Whedon was only directing the first episode). Part of the newfound buzz is mainly thanks to it marginal tie-in to Captain America: The Winter Soldier. I wouldn't have guess that movie would be such a resounding success all across the board, it's curative powers would trickle down a show that has spend the better part of it's opening season like a Dawson's Creek character trying to find itself.

This show was always something of an experiment from the start. It's meant to be 50% a stand-alone series and 50% a supplemental Hype Machine powered by the latest addition to the Marvel Cineverse (Winter Soldier, Thor: The Dark World, Phil Coulson). The problem is that the second wave of Avengers related films, despite their success in the box office, were met with questionable results among the eight cylinder engine of fanboys that are a necessary Hype Machine all their own. Thor: The Dark World was immensely fun and entertaining, but after all that destruction of Nondescript Alien/God Stuff, it had a fiercely unmemorable villain (which is tragic considering how awesome Comic Malekith is) which just leaves the remnants of Nondescript Alien/God Stuff which isn't the most interesting springboard to branch off into varying plotlines with.

Even if you go with Phase One...is Phil Coulson an entertaining character? Sure. Were we sad to see him die in Avengers? Of course. Was the Fanboy Hype Machine united in happiness when Marvel announced he'd be one of the principal characters (or, let's be honest, THE character) in a primetime Marvel series about spies doing spy shit in a superhero universe. Hell Yes. But this is treading a different ground than most. In defense of Marvel's writing team, when someone dies in television, you usually want to give some sort of explanation as to why for fear of the plothole whores. On the other hand, this is Comic Book Land where the reasons for resurrections are insanely vague purely out of necessity because, ultimately, we don't particularly care why a character we like is back (even though, really, they're back because we like them). I mean, let's face it. Does ANYBODY remember exactly how Bruce Wayne came back from the dead (or whatever happened to him that time)? Take your time. IlI'll wait. How much sleep did you really lose trying to figure out why Captain America came back to life after being shot dead on the courthouse steps a la Nino Brown? With that said, it probably wasn't necessary to drag out the hanging "How is Phil Coulson still alive?" plotline if the explanation is just going to be "dead alien DNA" or whatever the fuck that is in the basement.

However, Captain America: The Winter Soldier, a movie that is, quite honestly, Marvel's most fully formed superhero movie yet (for reasons I won't retread) taps directly into the things we expected out of this show pretty much from the start. It had espionage, double/triple crosses, political intrigue, fighting, standoffs, people gunned down in cold blood, etc. You finally got the feeling that Phil Coulson's A-Squad was playing for actual stakes.  The writers weren't afraid to actually put their characters lives in real jeopardy. This is essentially what a well done crossover tie-in comic looks like when cut/pasted onto primetime television. Honestly, this is the sort of place Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. should stay in. And hopefully, it's a lesson to Marvel that if you're going to put out product based on major releases, make sure your major release is Grade A+. Hopefully, since they've been clearly making up the second half of the season on the fly anyway, they'll take this and run with it.

Or maybe they won't. Because, you know....Hollywood and shit.

Stuff I Read This Week 4/11/14

Batman Eternal #1: The last time DC launched a weekly book surrounded by this much hype, we got 52 which yielded somewhat mixed results. So, apparently, they got the bright idea to try this again with a property that, at this point, can't lose (sales wise). Yes, that's right, folks. We have yet ANOTHER Batman book on our hands. Passing a weekly book on through the hands of various creative teams is always a dicey yet audacious venture. However, if the opening issue is any evidence of what we're going to see each week, the future looks promising. From the very first page which features a beautifully rendered yet strange portrait of Batman and his beloved Gotham, Scott Snyder and James Tynion IV want us to know they're swinging for the fences here.

This book seeks to not only highlight the Caped Crusader, but the dynamic he has with the city he's sworn to protect, building a large sandbox universe almost akin to that seen in the Arkham video game series. With this in mind, the inaugural issue placed the spotlight on the Gotham City Police, no doubt riding the high of the recently announced Gotham television series currently in development. Snyder and Tynion give us a yin/yang approach through the primary players in this issue. We are first introduced to the obligatory new kid on the block, Jason Bard, a somewhat innocent transferred from Detroit to GCPD's Major Crimes division. If the idea here is to give us an outsider's sense of the gritty streets, this character seems well suited for the task thus far. On the other side of the coin, we are reintroduced to the blatantly crooked Major Forbes who slightly detracts from the tone of the book by being so obviously dickish, working to undermine Commissioner Gordon. He might as well twirl a mustache and "Bwahaha" right there in the panel. One of these characters forces the other into a very compromising position that sets the stage for the first story arc. Jason Fabok's art style is incredible and perfect for this book. One of the truly noteworthy accomplishments he achieves here is making Jim Gordon look like every bit the superhero Batman is. The panel where they run after a foe side by side as if they've done this for years (because they have) is awe inspiring.

Bottom Line: No, we DON'T need another Batman book, but if we have to have one, GODDAMN I'm glad it's this one. 9 out of 10.

Iron Fist The Living Weapon #1: You know what's been missing from Marvel NOW? A good kung-fu comic. Specifically, an Iron Fist comic. Once the announcement went out that Marvel entered into a deal with Netflix to produce an original series for the former Hero for Hire, we knew it was a matter of time before the Powers-That-Be bestowed us with more martial arts awesomeness. 

It opens up strong enough, but I'll confess it's a little difficult to resolve this version of Danny Rand with the lighthearted adventurer we've come to know from the past ten years or so. Kaare Andrews gives us some insight into a more sullen, somewhat broken shadow of a familiar hero who doesn't seem to like the things life is showing him. Feeling somewhat apart from his fellow man, he seems to crave aggression and violence rather than normal human connections. This serves as an interesting backdrop to what's historically been a really fun character. There's plenty to potential for us to see an example of what years and years of conflict can do to a man. Normally, this would feel dull but Andrews keeps it engaging. Aside from that, the narrative itself doesn't do anything different from what we've seen before. However, in this case, that isn't such a bad thing. The visual nuances to this book are another strong selling point. Andrews approaches this with all the visceral yet old school sensibilities of a Shaw Brothers film if Quentin Tarentino had dosed it with LSD. Every page seems to be drawn tailor made to convey the particular tone of that particular part of the narrative. This is definitely how kung fu fantasy should be done.

Bottom Line: Definitely one of the best, fresh feeling Marvel books to drop this month. 8.5 out of 10

Because You Knew A Captain America Review Was Coming....

Coming off of the first movie's magnificent execution by Joe Johnston and "pretty damn good" reception by audiences (no doubt overshadowed just a bit by Iron Man's omega level douchebaggery and Thor's pecs), I was curious as to how Joe and Anthony Russo would play the sequel to Captain America: The First Avenger. Would they mimic Johnston's style of paying homage to Old Republic serials? Would they give us a semi noir-ish espionage romp as the comics have been known to dabble in throughout recent years (especially when the movie's titular character is involved)? Or would they go the easy route and capitalize off his success in the Avengers, letting the star spangled hero smack down larger than life, ultra powerful threats to world in a standard superhero romp? The result, in its way, was the best of all worlds.

To call this movie a rollercoaster ride would be like referring to a bullet train as a taxicab. Captain America: The Winter Soldier took a route that, while safe in its own way, was definitely the most enjoyable for comic fans and civilians alike. Though it does indeed have it's spy elements, it's an action spy film that is more Bourne Identity (on steroids) than Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy. It makes every effort to be as accessible as possible without slowing down viewers acquainted with the previous film as well as the comics they descend from. As you're watching, no matter how you end up feeling about what you see, you find yourself admitting that, if nothing else, Marvel's Cinematic Universe seems to take a hardcore attitude of "These movies can't afford to a). suck or b). alienate outsiders anymore." Where the first movie asked, "How Does A Weak But Noble Man Become Strong and Save the World?", Christopher Markus and Stephen McFeely, who helmed the screenplay, take the next logical step and ask, "How Can I Be Captain America When America (the powers-that-be, anyway) Sometimes Sucks?"

We find our Cap (Chris Evans) adjusting to life in modern day America, dealing with his personal life by almost completely foregoing having one. The only real personal time he ever seems to really enjoy is (literally) running laps around veteran/PTSD counselor Sam Wilson (Anthony Mackie) and his pre-mission exchanges where the Black Widow (Scarlett Johansson) suggests potential dates in an attempt to get him laid. Meanwhile, Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson) tries to enlighten Cap on the new way of the world, how things aren't always as black and white as recruitment posters of old would have one believe and how "the good old days" weren't as good or simple as he likes to believe they were.

Evans has got this "gee whiz", wide eyed aspect of the hero down to a science, delivering as a wholesome man of conviction without ever coming off like a preachy, sanctimonious asshole. In every scene, we really feel for the guy who, while never wavering in his duty to serve and protect, still wonders whether he's the symbol that our America needs or even wants. Jackson's Fury is so thoroughly bathed in cool even when he's not in control or when he's shot all to Hell, I'm starting to think that Jackson, with the effortless way he plays him, sees this as his spirit animal, the summation of every badass, smart mouthed action junkie fantasy he's EVER wanted to live out. He has fun with it and that shows beautifully on screen. Also, while we're on the topic of "old school heavyweights having fun with their roles", Robert Redford's pompous, smug S.H.I.E.L.D. top dog, Alexander Pierce is so delightfully evil and brooding while maintaining a half-smiling Michael Scott quality at all times.

Arguably, this movie's greatest strength is that even with all the action and obstacles Captain America is given to blitzkrieg through like the all-American quarterback he comes off as, the supporting cast never feels like a lineup of sidekicks. They're partners who take point, hold their own, come through in clutch moments and save his ass every bit as much as he does for them. I mean, the WHOLE A-squad gives the bad guys more work than a temp agency. This is no more evident than in a scene where Fury, suspected of treason, evades and assaults (interchangeably) a strike team for a solid ten minutes before his run-in with the dreaded Winter Soldier (Sebastian Stan), who looks like he was ripped right out of a page in the comics and pasted on the goddamned screen.

And the fans will not be left wanting with this one. It features so many easter eggs, familiar faces, name drops and tie-ins to previous Marvel films as well as the much debated primetime series "Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.", the true nerds and continuity whores are likely already pre-ordering their dvd copies so they can spend plenty of time cherry picking for things they missed in the theater.

Bottom Line: This might just be the best movie the Marvel Cineverse has cranked out yet, photo-finishing next to The Avengers and Iron Man (in that order). 9.5 out of 10.

Stuff I Read This Week 4/2/14

Aquaman and The Others #1: Well, Geoff Johns kicked off the New 52 by doing what once seemed impossible on two fronts: keeping Green Lantern awesome, making Justice League silly and unreadable while making Aquaman, of all characters, fun and engaging AT THE SAME DAMN TIME. Right out the gate, Johns made a hero who'd been a well documented running joke in pop culture matter again. More than that, Aquaman has kept a title consistently now for two years which is better treatment than he's gotten in some time. Well, it seems that this has given rise to a comic equivalent to the Curse of the Bambino. Johns left Green Lantern and in his place is Robert Venditti who is....well, trying his damnedest.

And now, This Week In Things We Didn't Ask For, DC has seen fit to bless us with another Aquaman title with questionable results. It's appropriate that this book is titled "Aquaman and The Others" because that's precisely how treated Arthur Curry's supporting cast. His comrades, despite some a couple of enjoyable action here and there, feel terribly vanilla, uninteresting and their introductions do almost nothing to deviate from conventional "assemble the team" opening cliches. By the way, Prisoner of War might be the WORST codename of all time. I understand that this title picks up where Geoff Johns' second arc left off, so some degree of a refresher course is, of course, necessary, but the fact that we KNOW these "Others" know Aquaman as well as the events of past stories make his explanation feel awkward and shoehorned. It's sort of farfetched that there's a part of America that's so "middle of nowhere" that someone wouldn't know Atlanteans tried to flood the country. Meanwhile, the book comes across with a nasty case of multiple personality disorder. It meanders, not knowing whether it wants to be a superhero team-up or some globetrotting Johnny Quest-esque action/adventure. There's potential here, but first there must be an identity. 

Lan Medina pencils certainly work in the book's favor, however. The action is engaging and fun thanks to his unique sense of perspective and moments of urgency. During the fights, you can easily tell when some attacks are loosed more fiercely than others and at no point are you confused about where characters are in the fight.

Bottom Line: It'll be an interesting book to read once it figures out what type of book it's going to be. Kinda like Kanye West. Until then...meh. 6.5 out of 10

Ultimate Spider-Man #200: The Ultimate Universe has carried on for just about 15 years now. There have been some particularly high points, many of which have greatly influenced the Marvel Cineverse. There have also been a substantial number of low points (I'm mainly looking at you, Ultimates 3) from a black, drug lord version of the Hulk to Ultimate Mister Sinister basically being a pokemon that levels up to Ultimate Apocalypse. The line has manage to go through several overhaul, limping on while one book in particular has consistently stood out and maintained a pretty high standard sometimes outdoing it's 616 continuity counterpart: Ultimate Spider Man.

Three years later, Bendis writes a fitting goodbye to Peter Parker, who sacrificed himself valiantly defending his family against a last ditch effort from Norman Osborn. This issue sees Aunt May inviting Peter's closest friends over to celebrate their fallen friend. This brings about a hefty cast of characters in a single book which would usually end up being problematic, but Bendis handles it as well as could possibly be expected. This, after all, is where he should excel if nowhere else. The man raised this book like a baby so it makes sense that he would have such a masterful handle on these characters. Bobby Drake, Johnny Storm and Kitty Pryde, for example have all been principal characters in other Ultimate books, but it's alongside Spider-Man as his amazing friends (see what I did there?) where they've truly shined with some of their best moments in this universe. There have been superhero books where he would have a lot to exposition, conversation and character development without much action which, admittedly, is not always what someone reading a superhero book expects when they pick up an issue of the Avengers or something of that nature. However, this book pulled off being a meaningful page turner full of superheroes without a single fight....and with a hilarious Tony Stark moment. With such a Who's Who of artists as Mark Bagley, Sara Pichelli, David Lafluente, Mark Brooks and Andrew Hennessey working on this book, it almost goes without saying that the visuals were stunning.

Bottom Line: A gorgeous, heartwarming remembrance of Ultimate Marvel's flagship character. 9 out of 10

.....About the Ninja Turtles Trailer

Friend: Have you watched the new Ninja Turtles trailer?

Me: Nope.

Friend: You wanna see it?

Me: The trailer? Not particularly.

Friend: Oh....

Me: You want me to watch it right now, don't you?

Friend: What makes you say that?

Me: You JUST sent the link to my inbox, man.

Friend: Well, I'm just curious about your take on it.

Me: You mean "I'm the only person you know who's nerdy enough to talk to you about this shit."

Friend: Pretty much.

Me: I need new friends. **clicks link**




Friend: It's sort of destructive for a Ninja Turtles movie.

Me: Right. Because any self respecting Ninja Turtles movie should always maintain a baseline destruction level of just crashing a Vanilla Ice concert.

Friend: Do you think they'll try that again? What would be the relevant equivalent of a Vanilla Ice concert?

Me: Probably a Justin Bieber concert. I sort of hope that happens in the movie.

Friend: I never had you pegged as a victim of Bieber Fever.

Me: I'm not. I just think if he shows up in this movie, it might speed up the countdown clock until he jumps the shark.

Friend: Good point.

Me: Wait...is that William Fichtner?

Friend: As the Shredder. Michael Bay wasted no time whitewashing this shit, did he?

Me: Well, let's see...an evil Japanese ninja overlord dressed in ginsu knives trying to destroy New York City? Oh, I'm sure the Asian community would just love that shit.

Friend: But then it's a white guy dressing up like someone we KNOW is an evil Japanese overlord trying to destroy New York City.

Me: Right, but it's William Fichtner, so he'll probably kill it regardless. And we don't exactly know how all that's been retconned since....and I can't stress this enough....this is a trailer and NOT THE MOVIE. I feel I have to remind you this trailer isn't the actual movie because the nerd rage about this trailer is in overflow as if this trailer were the movie. It's not the movie. I've now reminded you three times.

Friend: It's scenes from the movie we're going to see. We're seeing this, by the way.

Me: That door swings both ways. Remember the trailer for Jumper? That looked awesome. The end result was that movie being extremely non-awesome.

Friend: That doesn't count. Hayden Christensen was in it, so it was destined to fail.

Me: This movie has Megan Fox in it. Doesn't that make it sort of starcrossed?

Friend: Point taken.

Me: Thank you. I want expedited shipping for my trophy, please.

Friend: Those turtles sure seem REALLY superhuman.

Me: First off, they weren't human to begin with.

Friend: So, you're saying Michelangelo didn't start out as Corey Feldman?

Me: Well, as far as I know, the Turtles weren't mutated by cocaine so I'm going to say no. Second of all, they're MUTANT Ninja Turtles, so the rules of nature don't apply hardcore to them anymore than they do to Spider-Man.

Friend: I'm not so sure about the design of their faces. They're funny looking.

Me: Remind me how the old Turtles all looked like Ryan Gosling.

Friend: Well....

Me: That's sarcasm, by the way. They didn't. It's a little silly to complain that MUTANT anything is supposed to be pretty.

Friend: Sure, but do they have to look like Shrek?

Me: You're asking a lot from a movie with Megan Fox in it about Mutant turtles who are all basically Daredevil.

Friend: Well, what kind of nerds would we be if we didn't ask a lot from decent properties with ridiculous premises?

Me: Logical ones.

Friend: Okay...but who the fuck wants that?

Me: You have a point there.

Friend: Do I?

Me: No, not really.