It's been a little more than a week since Karyn Washington, the founder of "For Brown Girls", took her own life and it's bothered me for as many days. We never interacted on Twitter, you won't find any of my feedback in the FBG comment sections just like you won't find any of hers in mine. We've never crossed paths in the street. In other words, though I'm familiar with her work, I'm sad to say I didn't know her. However, I've found myself spending most of my week wrestling with a blank document, unable to muster a decent post to honor her because her life deserves celebration. I wracked my brain over what to say that nobody else has already said in a week's time. But I've never written this blog to be some cutting edge, trendsetting upstart before and I probably shouldn't start now. That's why I decided to just write what I was feeling and perhaps somewhere along the way, I might end up saying what someone needs to hear. Now, this brings about inevitable questions and criticisms like:
"Why so much attention for this woman when this happens to people less famous every day?"
"Why the fuss? YOU didn't know her so why the crocodile tears?"
If you venture into the comment section of any number of articles (which I strongly advise against doing EVER for ANYTHING) concerning Karyn's untimely demise, you'll find your share of commentary along these lines. These people miss the point of talking about her and, at the same time, totally ARE the point. I could probably deconstruct and dismiss these sort of comments as trolls making something tragic about themselves and their pet cause of the moment, but then I myself would be dismissing something deeper. Besides, I don't feel any degree of anger or resentment towards these people and neither anyone else because a). the internet and b). more often than not, this is a coping mechanism.
Some years ago, for reasons unknown, my cousin grew depressed and/or angry enough with the world to kill himself. I'll never know the real reasons for him taking himself away from our family, but I spent a long time pretending it was just some thing that happens all the time that happened to someone I knew and that it didn't matter ultimately. I was knowingly running from the truth: that I blamed myself for seeing the signs early on and not saying something. As far as I was concerned, someone's life was in the balance and I'd unknowingly turned my back out of some misguided sense of being polite. Meanwhile, I was inconsolable on the inside. There isn't a day that goes by where I'm not convinced that there's more that I could have done, that we could have sat together as a family and told him that we loved him, that whatever was wrong, we could have dealt with it together. We could have saved him.
Since then, I've subscribe to the notion that, though we are so different and divided, empathy is the purest version of our lifeline to one another. Some people plug in and embrace it. Others deny it, fearing the feeling of strapping another person's pain to their back. Dismissing Karyn's death, though still sort of awful, isn't necessarily an evil act. It's human beings running from the sense of failure so many of us feel. To embrace the hurt of someone taking their own life is to explore the possibility (NOT saying this is how we should look at it) that we as a community, a species, a planet....failed her.
This is a theory, an explanation.....but IT IS NOT AN EXCUSE.
If our lives can't improve, save or protect the lives of others whether we know them or not, what are we living for? We will ALL leave this life at one point or another. That is an unavoidable truth. But if we all have to live here together, we could at least make the time we have to spend next to each other that much more bearable. We HAVE to start meaning more to each other. Karyn Washington isn't here today partially because she needed more love than this cynical world was capable of giving her and despite not personally knowing her, I'd give anything to have her here, alive, smiling, healing. But if she can't be here, we can at least learn this one simple truth from her death.
Things like this don't have to happen.
If you think someone is hurting themselves or going to hurt themselves, get them help. If you yourself are hurting and thinking about hurting yourself, tell someone. If you were drowning in the middle of the ocean, there would be no shame in reaching up for the surface. No matter who you are, where you come from, how much money you have, your status in life, you have value. You matter. We are all creatures of endless beauty and unimaginable worth. We are deserving of each other's love. Remind someone of that today, tomorrow, every day and, in turn, you remind yourself.
Like I said, I didn't know Karyn Washington, but I love her enough to want a better fate for someone who may be feeling as hopeless as she did in the end. I hope someone else does, too.
“The real beauty of Karyn was that she was a good person. She loved people. She wanted to help people. That’s what made her beautiful and she knew that. We have to remember that, we have to love each other. That was more of the main lessons I’ve learned from Karyn. Keep caring.” ~Yumnah Najah
This brought tears to my eyes. Thank you!
ReplyDelete"But if we all have to live here together, we could at least make the time we have to spend next to each other that much more bearable."