Stuff I Read This Week Episode 14 or Mommas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be James Franco Characters

Dream Thief #1: Each week, I make a consorted effort to pick up a book either non-superhero related or at least something unassociated with the Big Two. That means I often end up grabbing something from Dark Horse which, in turn, means I am left unsatisfied not unlike Nick Lachey was in his marriage to Jessica Simpson. But there's still always hope (unless you're still trying to get Obamacare repealed).

That's probably why I picked up Jai Nitz's unconventional anti-hero fantasy about an unlovable protagonist who is thrown into an awful set of circumstances. Nitz's does a good job of throwing us head first into a day in the life of John Lincoln. When I said "unlovable," I was underselling it. Don Draper is a douchebag character. Jack from Lost is a douchebag character. Herman Cain is a douchebag character. If this comic were a movie, John Lincoln would be played by James Franco. Anyway, after douchebagging pretty much everyone he comes into contact with, he stumbles onto some special dream related abilities that do more harm to his life than good. I can't help but think that if Greg Smallwood weren't innovating on every page, making the panels so interesting and different with every turn of the page, this story might feel more run-of-the-mill than it actually is. All in all, this blend of American Psycho, Pineapple Express and The Twilight Zone makes for good read thus far.

Bottom Line: Very well handled "out of the box" approach to a possibly awesome suspense fantasy. 8 out of 10



Doomsday.1 #1: I honestly thought this was going to be a slow month in comics where I'd just be a). waiting for Daredevil: End of Days, b). waiting for Man of Steel in June and c). eagerly anticipating Daft Punk's "Random Access Memories." However, this month's pleasant surprise comes in the form of legendary super scribe John Byrne's return with this "end of the world" disaster epic. Basically, astronauts in a space station witness the majority of life on Earth get wiped out. I'm always worried about such a large cast of characters in such close narrative quarters, but Byrne seems to have a decent handle on them so far. They're just diverse enough that he has a lot of room for conflict and development. Still, with John Byrne work, although you appreciate what it is, you can't help but wince slightly at what could have been. The draw back here is that there's never a moment in which I'm shocked at what happens next. Despite being evenly paced and tightly built tension, the moments that should leave me saying "holy shit" still leave me just saying "Well...yeah."

Byrne's pencils don't beat around the bush either, getting straight to the point much like his script. In fact, there are storyboards for television shows that could stand to learn a little something from this book about being direct instead of being artsy for art's sake. I wish we could have been left a little more of an ending to bring us back, but it was still a stronger start than several books out right now. After all, Superior Spider Man is still going, so this is worth a shot.

Bottom Line: It's not perfect John Byrne, but it's Byrne-tastic enough to pick up again. 8 out of 10.



Avengers- The Enemy Within #1: One of the awesome things about Marvel NOW is that we get more Captain Marvel. Not only that, we get Captain Marvel taken seriously (my kingdom for a woman with hair like that). The first issue in this mini series doesn't necessarily give us the feeling of scale that would justify a mini series event. In fact, the title is pretty misleading since this is basically just the next issue of Captain Marvel. We get some LOL moments during girl chat between Carol Danvers and Spider Woman, we get a beautifully penciled fight from Scott Hepburn, and most importantly, we get dinosaurs. I always approve of dinosaurs in comics. If comic book were run by the government, I'd be a dinosaur lobbyist. This seems to have all of the working parts necessary to be a good run. I suppose time will tell soon enough. For what it is, on its own, it's solid.

Bottom Line: Despite a deceiving title, the latest issue of Captain Marvel is a decent jumping-on point for a decent title. 7.5 out of 10

Why People Should Suck It Up and Get Over the Iron Man 3 Thing (SPOILERS AHEAD).....

Seriously, there are SPOILERS in here. Last chance.

Well, Iron Man 3 has finally come and, as I predicted within 15 seconds of seeing the big Mandarin reveal, the entire internet fell on the floor kicking and screaming like children (Bell Biv Devoe calls that "the crybaby"). For those of you that don't care about seeing this movie, but want to know what I'm talking about, here's the breakdown.

The movie version of the Mandarin (Ben Kingsley) is the (white) supposed head of a terrorist organization known as the Ten Rings, the same group that held Tony Stark captive in the first movie. Stark infiltrates the Mandarin's home only to discover that he is actually a drunken, drug addicted British actor named Trevor Slattery, who is just a front for Aldridge Killian (Guy Pearce) and A.I.M.'s war profiteering scam. At some point throughout Killian's final battle with Iron Man, he screams "I am the Mandarin!!!" Denzel Washington Training Day style.

As a result of this twist in the narrative, as I said before, the internet lost its collective mind because they didn't get a RDJ/Ben Kingsley superpowered slugfest even though the slugfest they got instead was FUCKING AWESOME. The thing about comic nerds is that they're very random about how and when they decide a movie's handling of the source material is careless. X-Men First Class was taken seriously, the Scarecrow got beaten up by Katie Holmes, Dr. Doom was basically portrayed as Donald Trump with superpowers and Ghost Rider got two movies. But somehow, THIS is just too much to handle. To understand why this is a silly grievance, you have to understand who the Mandarin is in the comics.

Depending on the writer, the details have changed slightly over the years, but basically the Mandarin was a Chinese man, oppressed by Chairman Mao, who stumbled upon alien technology in the form of ten powerful rings and used them to become an evil would-be conqueror. An evil Chinese would-be conqueror who looks, dresses and talks like a villain from a Shaw Brothers kung fu movie.

In other words....this guy.

Over the years, they've changed his clothes and motives for hating Iron Man, but as far as his goals and ideologies, long story short....this could be considered pretty fucking racist. In 2013, with the borderline xenophobic political climate, there is just no way in Hell you can market this to a worldwide audience with children in good conscience. None. Granted, I'm not saying that you HAVE to characterize the Mandarin this way to do it justice, but it IS racially problematic for Marvel and, ultimately, Disney. If they cast a Chinese guy, the Asian community would quite possibly maul the studio and rightfully so. If Ben Kingsley's version (dressed the way he was) had been a superpowered badass, the movie would have been accused of "whitewashing" a Chinese character and we saw how that worked out for M. Night Shaymalamadingdong with The Last Airbender. Or you can write the Mandarin out altogether, but then you have C-List Iron Man baddies like the Living Laser. Sorry, but outside of comic book, no studio exec in the universe thinks Living Laser is a good name for a movie villain.

My point here is that Shane Black handled the "Mandarin" issue in the most realistically feasible way possible. So suck it up.

Crowd Participation or Happy Free Comic Book Day

Craig "BBC" Long from Houston, TX wanted to hear my thoughts after reading the Walking Dead comics since I saw Seasons 1 and 2 first.

Well, Craig, I can say that the comic delivers better than I could have hoped. With the direction Swamp Thing and I Vampire went in, The Walking Dead is definitely one of the ONLY mainstream titles in comics that can truly lay claim to being a horror comic. One thing that is well preserved in its own way is the dichotomy of Rick and Shane. Not only do they define each other, they define the theme of the series as a whole. In the moments when it's not an epic zombie saga (easily one of the best of all time), it's essentially a morality play that constantly questions whether or not humanity is a biological or ideological state of being. Rick and Shane seem to be constantly at odds with themselves as well as each other standing on respective sides of the argument. I see where some fans take issue with the things altered in the the tv adaptation, but I think it's the aesthetically reasonable compromise network television could probably muster. No matter how iconic a comic is or how powerful a panel is, the sad truth is that there are just some things that look good in a comic that won't translate as well on television or on screen. That's why I like that geeks are actually being consulted about geek culture. Robert Kirkman works very closely alongside the production team on Walking Dead, George R. R. Martin is reportedly consulted often on the direction of Game of Thrones and Joss Whedon has more than enough nerd credit in the bank at this point to be trusted with The Avengers. At some point Hollywood decided that instead of being satisfied with the receipt for the intellectual property they bought as a stamp of approval, it might be better to actually ask the creator what they think about their work. I stand behind the "for nerds, by nerds" approach.

Johnathan Marroquin writes via Facebook: I need an honest opinion on the Amalgam universe circa 96-98. Potential or not?

For those of you who have no idea what he's talking about, in the late 90s, DC and Marvel were real fiends for cross pollinating their titles because...let's face it...nerds will never stop arguing about who would win in a fight between Superman and the Hulk ("...and then Superman threw the big green monkey into the sun and went back to work. The End."). So, they finally had a Marvel vs. DC miniseries where the best...at the time...of each company had a big slugfest because of some patchwork excuse like "the universes are colliding" (a writer's way of saying "for no good goddamned reason"). Anyway, somehow after the heroes kept the universes from colliding by beating the shit out of each other, the universes collided anyway. The result was a universe full of mashup characters. Sometimes, they made sense like how the "Challengers of the Fantastic" was a combination of the Fantastic Four and the Challengers of the Unknown....both Jack Kirby creations. Most of them, however, were shitty like putting Batman and Man-Thing together to get Bat-Thing. This was indicative of what the mid to late 90s was in the land of comics: a reason to sell cool covers instead of cool books. Assuming Johnathan's question is asking whether or not this same imprint would be a viable venture now, it's enough that DC treats their own artists like the mail room interns you steal ideas from without their knowing. It's enough that Marvel would hold their writers at gunpoint beneath a vat of battery acid and force them to write a "You Got Served" comic if they thought there was money in it. I shudder to think what the Big Two would do to each other.

Batman: No, Logan, I never would have guessed it was you under there.

Stuff I Read This Week Episode 13 or Occupy DC Comics....Because Somebody Should

Notes from the Writer: Some of you will notice that I'm only reviewing two books this week. Well, do not fret. To make up for the slight decrease in content for this post, you will be receiving a special Free Comic Day post tomorrow and another bonus on Monday. Why? Because I love you. But I must rest. Until then, enjoy the reviews and thanks for reading.


Thanos Rising #2: I thought I'd reached a point in my life where if a book, movie or show looks awful. I can just go with my gut, not watch it and be content that way. It usually works out. It worked out with Liam Neeson vs. Board Games (I think they call it Battleship). It works out with reality shows like Bet My Baby. It should have worked out after reading the first issue of the Mad Titan's origin story. After one issue of one of Marvel's most awesome, time honored foils getting the Anakin Skywalker treatment, I should have had enough.

However, like some comic book adventurer, I stood there at the shelf of new releases, saw the second issue, shrugged my shoulders and said, "It can't hurt." I mean, with Jason Aaron and Simone Bianchi working on it, there's no reason it shouldn't be able to turn itself around. After all, there are only so many feelings you can pack into one title. And, ideally, the first issue of any title should be considered experimental like a television pilot. The CW's Arrow took several hints and improved upon the obvious weaknesses of the inaugural episode. In other words, I assumed this issue couldn't be so bad. This was a flawed hypothesis.

A few years have passed from the events of the first issue to the second issue which I was certain would cut down on all the kiddie angst. Of course, that didn't stop Degrassi from happening so that makes me 0 for 2 on my guesses for this week. Thanos has gone from whiny outcast to teen prodigy. The time jump feels out of place and the pathos still feels contrived, but it's less so than the last issue. Still, this isn't what really takes away from what could have been an awesome story. The trouble here is that for a story that takes place in space, it doesn't feel very...space-like. I've mentioned before that a fun part of Brian K. Vaughn's Saga is the fact that the dialogue feels natural because they don't talk like ex-communicated Dune characters. The other side of that coin is that it's a book where big spider with a battle axe can have a conversation with a guy who has a television for a head. In Thanos Rising, two high school kids were making out and got abducted. There was no difference between this happening on ANOTHER PLANET and this happening in any movie Jennifer Love Hewitt or Sarah Michelle Gellar was in before the turn of the century. All in all, this book has several opportunities to be awesome, but to to properly show out....you have to show up first.

Bottom Line: 30 gorgeous looking pages of disengaged drivel. 5 out of 10



The Movement #1: The fun thing....or the thing that was supposed to be fun about the DC reboot was that it doesn't necessarily have to stick to a time honored script laid out by years and years of tradition (no matter how much fans actually LIKED that script). The part where it has failed in this regard is that we're getting the same things that we found stale in the first place except some people are younger, some people aren't married and...oh, yeah...there's a Muslim Green Lantern. It's like Domino's Pizza "making better pizza" even though you liked Domino's just the way it was, but they give you the same pizza and call it new and relevant because now it's Muslim.

Well, now we're getting some variation in the DC universe with Gail Simone's story of superpowered residents of Coral City standing up to the corruption eating away at their neighborhood Occupy style. One problem with this premise is that it would have been a bit more resonant with the Occupy sympathizer audience back when the Occupy movement took up more media attention. Simone's script is somewhat balanced and manages to introduce a fairly large cast without the book feeling crowded or rushed. Freddie Williams' pencils seem to convey the gritty vibe that Simone seems to be going for. Of course, some of the heroes feel a little...silly. There's a guy who controls rats. That's it. That's his whole power. There's another member who looks sort of like steampunk Hawkgirl. This has the potential to be a decent addition to DC's ranks because it's a universe from which we don't receive as much street level action. But we need a better reason to care about these characters than "people are broke and mad."

Bottom Line: Gail Simone gives us a serviceable start to book with a premise that seems relevant and irrelevant all at once. 7 out of 10.