Stuff I Read This Week Episode 25 or DC Should Just Make Their Slogan "...But Buy It Anyway."

Justice League #23: The one thing you can count on with DC Comics nowadays is their dedication to consistency when it comes to not only dropping the ball, but saying "Oh, well," when you ask them to pick it up. The Trinity War event gave me a small sliver of hope that Geoff Johns might have learned from his laundry list of mistakes leading up to this event. Alas, that'll teach us to expect anything other than sparkling excellence in failure from New 52 events that aren't Batman or Green Lantern based. Remember Bulletproof, that video game 50 Cent made a while back where you'd go through level after tedious shoot'em-up level for your only reward to be unlocking free downloads of 50 Cent's albums? Well, this was a lot like that.

This issue wraps up the mini-series that has all three Justice Leagues racing against time to unlock the mystery of Pandora's Box before....something....can happen. While they're waiting for the answers to jump up and bite them in their asses, our heroes pass the time by beating the shit out of each other for no real reason. The Trinity of Sin (Question, Pandora and Phantom Stranger), who seemed to be keeping all the answers to themselves, took a backseat in this issue as if they were saying "Whatever. They'll figure it out."

Eventually, the loose ends are tied up despite everyone's lack of trying, villains are revealed and the true purpose of the Box (aside from giving characters an excuse to fight that they didn't really need since they were already fighting) is finally discovered. I could spoil it right here, but it doesn't even matter. Because the real objective of the box, much like this book, was to open a gateway to making you buy the next event series, Forever Evil.

They didn't even see fit to give us an ending. I'm not kidding. There a beginning, a middle, and that's it. Secrets were reveal, but almost NO conflicts were resolved. There was a traitor, a big fight, new villains we've haven't been properly introduced to, and at least one character who was critically injured and we don't know how ANY of it turned out. As much as I like Ivan Reis' artwork, the liberty of using "splash pages" was abused worse than the Dallas Cowboys during an away game. I hypothesize that if it weren't for all the splash pages, this six issue event would have condensed down to three plus a bonus prologue in the back of an issue of Savage Hawkman or some other book nobody's reading.

Bottom Line: This book is DC's very polite way of telling you how stupid they think you are. Oh and Watered-Down-Not-Quite-John-Constantine is still kinda awesome. 5 out of 10.


Lazarus #3: It's hard not to be pulled into this interesting mix of Dollhouse meets Virtual Light. If there's one thing comics are good for aside from superhero sagas, it's good sci-fi dystopia. It's only the third issue, but it's clear that Forever Carlyle is a female lead with a few interesting layers. The flickers of vulnerability in the wake of her kickassery smack pleasantly reminiscent of Selene from Underworld (the good one...before it all went wrong). Rucka's future vision, despite being slightly familiar, is still a welcome and compelling read that takes a small detour this month.

This issue slows down for a dose of building between characters, focusing primarily on the dynamic between Forever and her rival family counterpart, Joacquim. The well of unsaid feelings between the two of them, while well written, feels almost obligatory in this storytelling age of Twilight. We've come to a point where we consume books and television that basically leaves us either nonplussed about two characters hooking up or marginally shocked when they don't hook up. Also, the Carlyle twins, Jonah and Johanna are so overt in their mustache twirling and scheming, I was wondering if they were just going to cut out the middle man and start tying random stock characters to train tracks. In many ways, the not-so-weighty, one dimensional characters are a testament to how well crafted Forever is. However, there's enough side story here with the obvious road to war between the two families on the horizon, the book isn't a wash as long as you know things are going to pick up again (if the ending is any indication). Michael Lark artwork is outstanding at setting a dark, hopeless tone as an appropriate compliment for what Rucka does well here.

Bottom Line: A little slower than past issues, but there's enough meat on the hook to leave us ready for shit to get real next month. 7.5 out of 10.

Stuff I Read This Week Episode 24 or Space: A Nice Place to Visit, But Don't Live There....

Batman Beyond Universe #1: Okay, I was actually looking forward to this one for a couple of reasons. The first is that I'm always excited to see a comic from DC that doesn't have the "The New 52" stamp on it. The second is that Batman Beyond has always been a fairly awesome staple since its inception. DC has started releasing Batman Beyond and Justice League Beyond as two separate digital comics as a part of their initiative to sew the concept to readers' collective mouth Human Centipede style. However, if you're smart enough to not pay any money for digital comics, you can still get them as a $3.99 physical comic that collects them both.

Neither story requires much back issue reading to catch up with the "One Year Later" style we're given, but Batman Beyond is easily the better of the two so far. Fans of the cartoon will, for the most part, feel right at home here. Tony Silas and Kyle Higgins make for a dynamic duo that does a good enough job of maintaining the kinetic pace and style of the original cartoon without a watered down, "saturday morning toon" feel. They're still the characters that old readers know, but there's obvious growth and change. I look forward to more revelations about how some bonds were formed and how other rifts were created. Silas' design of Neo Gotham is pretty much what fans have to come to expect over the years. The streamlined angles combine well with the color palette to keep you interested even though I wish it didn't feel like there were so many panels stuffed onto each page.

Justice League Beyond, though it isn't necessarily bad, suffers as the "weak link" of this collection so far. The problem is that, although the rest of the League is given a fair amount of time, the story still feels like Superman Beyond. And Superman Beyond was sort of problematic. What's great about Batman Beyond is that despite the obvious presence of Bruce Wayne and other mainstays, it still manages to offer something new via a fresh central character with problems and supporting cast members of his own. Terry McGinnis is young and not quite established enough that I know how he'd handle a bad guy. The trouble with making Superman the focus of this far future Justice League is that it's the same guy. Sure, he's got new friends, a different costume and different villains to square off with, but it's still Superman. It's a fine story. I just feel like I've read it already.

Bottom Line: The digital to physical retrofit is a little bit of an eyesore, and Superman Beyond feels a little too familiar, but if you like Batman Beyond, I can't tell you to stay away from this one. 7.5 out of 10.


Nova #7: This is a title I'm glad to have caught on the ground floor. It was a smart tactic on Marvel's part to rework some of their cosmic/outer space titles to be accessible to new audiences, almost serving as a guide to comic space. Thankfully, Nova is probably the best example so far of this. It feels like how DC reworked the Blue Beetle after the death of Ted Kord by offering a younger hero in Jaime Reyes.

We're given a character who is just as new to the superhero business, who shows us a bit more a ground level view of continuity. Now, that New Guy Nova, Sam Alexander has gotten has popped his bad guy cherry, he's ready to commit to kicking ass and taking names, but he still has a lot to learn about the responsibility that goes hand and hand with playing with the big boys. The "lesson learned" moment at the end of this issue by itself makes the whole book worth the ride. We get an unexpected appearance from Superior Spider Man that (as much as I hate SSM) is absolutely hilarious. If Zeb Wells maintains this pace in the book, I look forward to more awkward, laugh inducing meet ups with established heroes and villains as the series progresses. Paco Medina's pencils look gorgeous, especially in the overall look he creates for Nova, perfectly balancing youthful lightheartedness with heroism.

Bottom Line: A fun issue with the right amount of substance thrown in makes this mostly a win. 8 out of 10.


Avengers #18: One thing I have to appreciate so far about the way Jonathan Hickman handles a Marvel event is that he lets you know in advance via diagrammed checklist "Look, Marvel's gonna have a bunch of tie-ins, but THESE are the ones that matter...because I'm writing them. Kneel before Hickman." This particular issue, meant to compliment Infinity, follows the Avengers into space as they go into battle with the world razing Builders who have started shit...for some reason. One way this issue succeeds is in the way it highlights a point that, by nature, Avengers books tend to overlook: When every fight the Avengers fight is, theoretically, for the fate of the world, it's easy to lose sight of a bigger picture. And there's probably not a bigger picture than...you know...the whole rest of the universe.

Hickman offers us more than just "an Avengers World." He succeeds, as usual, in bringing Babylon 5 sensibilities to what we know to be a unilaterally superhero title. We got a look at the Skrull race that I honestly did not expect. After Brian Bendis' Secret Invasion event, I was certain it would be much longer before we were ever made to feel any kind of sympathy for these warrior shape shifters, but once again....Hickman accomplishes the unlikely. It, yet again, proves why he's pretty much the only writer tailor made to craft such a sci-fi saga as this, invoking a sort of Jack Vance era feel in his characterization of other races at the diplomacy table alongside Earth's Mightiest Heroes. Leinil Francis Yu doesn't fail to bring home the bacon in a major way art-wise. The space battles look every bit as epic as they deserve to. Anyone who doesn't geek out just a little bit watching Thor bring down space cruisers. The visual standout for me comes in the Falcon's awesome space suit design which tells me Yu is a Battle of the Planets fan.

Bottom Line: An epic event deserves epic tie-ins and Infinity got one here because....you know....Jonathan Hickman and shit. 9 out of 10.

Stuff I Read This Week Episode 23 or Can We Please Have a Thor/Ted Nugent Team Up?

Infinity #1: For all intents and purposes, Marvel readers SHOULD be suffering from a little jet lag as far as company wide crossovers are concerned. Especially after Age of Ultron. The argument could be made that it's a little soon to throw fans into another event right after AoU's massive letdown ending. Ask a boxer how ready he is to get back in the ring after he's been clobbered. Seriously, wake Manny Pacquiao up and ask him. I'm pretty sure he's still on the floor. However, that may not be a reason sufficient enough to write off Infinity.

In recent years, Marvel's trend has been to have events be chain reactions of one another. "Civil War among heroes caused the world to infiltrated by aliens which allowed Green Goblin to rise to power which brought Captain America back to kick his ass which blah blah blah blah....." Infinity comes across feeling like it has a completely different identity than that. This is largely thanks to Jonathan Hickman's style of crafting stories on an epic sci-fi scale. His work on The Avengers and New Avengers (which have been the primary books building toward Infinity, by the way) are a perfect indication of why his writing is what it is. Every moment in a Hickman book feels like whatever's happening is for all the marbles which is what the Avengers always be about anyway. Even the little things like the ominous fly pages in between beats give you the distinct feeling that you're about to have your mind blown. Infinity is no different in this regard.

This book touches on pretty much all of the important points from Hickman's Avenger stories. The "Illuminati" has been doing top secret, fucked up things for the good of all (again), the "Builders" have been going from world to world doing quite the opposite of building things and....oh, yeah, Thanos is ready to start some shit with Earth again. It's going to interesting to see what a pure science fiction voice such as Hickman's can do with the concept of an ascended beings whose business is "evolving" sentient races. It's not the first time we've seen this kind of thing, but he gives us enough to lead us to believe it's headed somewhere awesome. Jim Cheung's pencils are absolutely gorgeous. This is evident because of a particular page detailing a world being razed that is just one of the best "we've come to destroy all" scenes I've ever looked at.

One drawback that presents itself here is that, being the result of things that happened in at least three different books, Infinity isn't the easiest to jump into. However, if you like grand events and have grown tired of DC's Trinity War (which I'm almost certain is being written with the help of 12 sided dice and a Mad Libs book), this is certainly something to pick up.

Bottom Line: You may have to do a little homework to catch up, but this event is superhero shit done well. 9 out of 10.

Thor: God of Thunder #11: This is a book that flew below my radar for far too long. Thor's stories in the past have, for a long time, been a bit ambiguous with their handling of the character, not really giving him an identity aside from him being the Avenger who talks in "thee" and "thou." But I dare to say that Jason Aaron's run so far is going to end up being one of the essential runs they talk about in ten years when someone wants to get into Thor but doesn't know where to start.

In this issue, we get a fitting ending to the "Godbomb" and with that, an end to the saga of Gorr, the God Butcher. The Son of Odin was given a time bending, universe spanning problem to deal with, challenged just like a god should be and that challenged answered in epic turn. One theme that presented itself quite often in this story questions the existence of gods, whether or not they do more harm than good and whether they truly deserve to preside over man. Eventually, Aaron's villain, Gorr has a god slaughtering good times making the characters wonder if perhaps his quest is somehow, in a macabre way, justified. Now, it could be argued (and has been by the idiots at IGN) that what we're given is something of a cop out in favor of giving the Thunder God a happy ending. One thing to keep in mind...and this is something IGN couldn't be bothered to remember...is that Thor, despite being noble, determined and a decent judge of character, has NEVER been a philosopher in any sense of the word. Asking comic book character, especially one like Thor, for an insightful answer to a question that real life civilizations have pondered, fought and died trying to answer since forever....that's like asking Ted Nugent, well, anything. The only thing that would have made me happier is if he looked Gorr directly in the face and said, "Because I'm Thor, bitch."

Esad Ribic spared no creative expense while wrapping this arc up in style. The pencils here lend the sort of jaw dropping gravitas a story of this magnitude deserves. There are more than a few moments in this book that look like they should have come out of a mythic tome somewhere. Every time Thor used his hammer, your reaction should be nothing less than "Oh, shit! Are you serious?"

Bottom Line: An awesome, gorgeous ending to the kind of legendary arc that Thor deserves. This is a frontrunner for "Best Goddamned Comic Out This Week" and considering Saga came back this week, that's saying something.

9 out of 10.

Women and Comics According to Middle Aged White Men.....

The Television Critic's Association press tour wrapped with a panel discussion featuring Todd McFarlane, Gerry Conway, Len Wein and Michael Kantor, who directed the upcoming documentary, Superheroes: The Never Ending Battle. Eventually, the roundtable turned into a criticism among the creators as to why mainstream superheroes are (and continue to be), on a majority, white men. Alyssa Rosenberg wrote an excellent, more detailed report for ThinkProgress on the points made by the panel, but NPR's Linda Holmes summarized them best via Twitter.

1). "Hey, nobody is in your way saying you can't."

-Here, we have a double edged sword. On one side, yes, the burden of leading the charge for progress IS on the undervalued demographic. After all, a lot of history's great achievements are the result of mainstream doors being shut in the faces of ambitious upstarts. Independent comics as well as web comics are feasible avenues that make user created material more feasible all the time. "Be the change you want to see in the world" and all that.

However, on the other hand, this is ultimately a lazy school of thought on the panel's part and a dismissive way of presenting it to consumers of a medium that, having it's own growing film/television genre to think about, should be a little more concerned about opening its doors to potential readers. That should really sound more like "Nobody is saying you can't. In fact, you should. I'd love to see that shit." This really came across of the comic industry's equivalent of  "Send us your demo tape, kid. I'm sure my agent will get to it or something."


2). "You can't because it would be like a medieval comic about female knights."

-Oh, please. First of all, I'm pretty sure Paul Cornell's Demon Knights series featured a transgender incarnation of Shining Knight.

Second, I'm pretty sure this is a female knight handing a male knight his ass on one of the most popular shows on television. Still an implausible sell?


Third, it's FICTION. That's the entire point of fiction. You can make the world whatever you want it to be. There is a comic book about a second civil war turning New York City into a nigh-uninhabitable No Man's Land and the thought of a female knight (aside from Joan of Arc) in medieval times in unfeasible to you? Again, I say: Oh, please.

3). "Readers wouldn't read it so don't blame creators."

-Despite what people may think of them now, these are artists. Furthermore, they are, almost by definition, nerds. Ideally, one of the great ideas about nerd culture is the thought of fellow nerds making good. Someone else who loves this comics as much as you do is out there living the dream. I've always assumed this is a big part of what people like about Kevin Smith. Now, imagine a nerd, someone you perceive to be like you in a fashion, making good and then telling you that the medium you love isn't representing you in its art because people don't give a shit about you or telling your story. We expect that from "suits"....not creators.

4). "You can't make the point of a superhero some kind of political message."

-I repeat: Oh, please.

Finally, to top off the tomfuckery, the panel went on to make a point of emphasizing that comics don't lead in society, that they follow and reflect it. Rosenberg flatly stated "That seems like an unambitious position," and ended it there which, by the way, is probably (ironically) the most heroic thing that happened here in this room of superhero creators. This is probably the most indefensible, disappointing thing to happen all year in comics thus far and that's saying a lot considering 2013 has given us Justice League of America, Age of Ultron and The Following. The middle aged white men on this panel would have you believe that comics have evolved to cater to an older, more testorerone filled audience because they're consumers, first and foremost and it's true that a lot of them have. From this rather outdated notion of what comics "have to be" comes the idea that women in comics are just some kind of novelty to serve as pleasing the old male eye. Even if the market for comics were populated solely by old men sitting at home, still clamoring for cartoon boobs like they were when they were twelve years old (which it isn't...not exclusively, anyway), that doesn't mean this is the only way it has to be. And it shouldn't be the writer/artist/creator's primary goal to enforce that. The marketing execs determine that which, in turn, trickles down to the editor-in-chief and then, eventually, to the talent. The job of artists in any art form is to say something and even with capitalism's tyrannical head looming over mainstream media, respect and admiration will come to any artist who even tries to represent the people, man or woman, who are willing to listen.

Stuff I Read This Week Episode 22 or Help Me, Douchbag Cosplayer....You're My Only Hope.

Green Lantern #23: As much as I find DC's New 52 to be alienating and unreadable, there are some bright spots in this dark, rusted meat locker of a universe that deserve mention. One of them is the Green Lantern stories, but mainly because DC left the continuity relatively untouched in the hard reboot. Since the reboot began, Geoff Johns had been doing double duty in a very Jekyll and Hyde fashion, going between maintaining a tight ship with GL by day and fucking up the Justice League by night. Since he's stepped away from the book he's done well to make the book he's done badly even worse, Robert Venditti has taken the helm to build a new dimension to the mythos.

This issue focuses mainly on Hal personally investigating a murder on Oa from #22, going off alone (true to Hal Jordan form) to find who's responsible. Venditti is at his "A" game in his characterization of the hero, fleshing out his pigheadedness in going off alone and half-cocked, looking for an enemy he knows nothing about. The Surrogates writer appears to have a great understanding of his lead character, giving Hal Jordan a whole new set of problems to deal with by leaving him in charge of the Lantern Corps. I enjoy this step in the "greatest Lantern's" journey because the plots were becoming stale with the same predictable weight of the Guardians' leadership hanging over his head.

Guardians of the Universe: "We know stuff about your enemy that might help you to not die out there, but we won't tell you because it's probably our fault in the first place. Or...you know...because fuck you, that's why."

One thing that cannot afford to slack off is artwork. When you have a comic book about a guy who can create things with a magic wishing ring, visuals have to be on point at all times. Fortunately, Billy Tan kicks here. The action beats are brilliantly drawn, letting the fights jump straight off the page. Not only do Hal's constructs look impressive, but they also give us a couple of imaginative feats I don't think I've ever seen before.

Bottom Line: Whether you like Geoff Johns work or not, he made a lasting impact on Green Lantern. That's a tough act to follow and Robert Venditti is handling the responsibility pretty well so far. 9 out of 10.

Kick-Ass 3 #2: In my last review, I was pretty clear on my feelings that the Kick-Ass saga's death is both necessary and welcome much like season three of Heroes. The second issue of the final chapter makes the reason pretty evident. Mark Millar makes no secret of his love for deconstructing superheroes under "real world" circumstances. However, with this book, it seems that his big picture mutates in such a way, each chapter becomes, in a way, unrecognizable from one story to the next.


The first theme of the first one was "Anyone who thinks they can fight crime in real life is pretty stupid and they'd probably die." In Kick-Ass 2, Millar's prevailing point was that cosplayers are delusional losers. Now, it seems clear that Millar's heroes (really, the villains, too) are held up as totems of "jerk culture" in comics. And the problem is the same as it was before: Good guy or bad guy....nobody in this book is a terribly good person. The issue focuses a lot on the building comeuppance of Chris Genovese aka Red Mist, who evolved into an extinction level asshole in the first two books. Also, we get a look at Chris' mother, seemingly as much a victim (unintended as it may be) of her son's crimes as those he had murdered. It does a pretty good job of pondering what it would be like for a supervillain's family if everyone knew their relation. How could Doctor Doom's mother ever leave the house with the whole world knowing their offspring had just vaporized Buckingham Palace? Would Bullseye's sister even be able to make it to the mailbox in the morning without a victim's angry father waiting with a sniper rifle in hand?

Meanwhile, Kick-Ass himself becomes the less interesting character to follow as he tries to rally his halfhearted troops, Justice Forever, to put a fright into the organized crime (which seems, by the way, completely unfazed by these people living out their comic book fantasies) of the city Batman: Year One style. Commonly, it is an endearing trait when the hero stays the course in his mission to make his protectorate a better place. The Dark Knight trilogy saw Bruce Wayne's parents killed, the love of his life blown to Hell, his partner in justice scarred and corrupted by the Joker, his back broken, thrown into a hole left to crawl his way out and stabbed in the gut by his rebound girlfriend. And he never gave up. And he was rewarded for it. Kick-Ass, however, seems to be on a far less fruitful quest that isn't necessarily for social change so much as it is for personal validation. Proving that one man can make a difference seems to not be as important as proving to himself that he's not just some jackass cosplayer.

Bottom Line: I've never read a comic in which I kinda wanted everyone to lose. 7 out of 10.

The Best Thing On The Internet This Week....

So, the internet rumor mill has been working double time (almost as hard as I worked trying to figure out why anyone watches Storage Wars), trying to guess who's in line to inherit the role of Batman for his team up with Superman in Man of Steel 2: Steel Harder. So far, all we know for certain is that it's not the Royal Baby and it's not Christian Bale since he's all but made a blood vow that he's done with Batman. Rumor has it that one of the names on the short list over at Warner Bros. to don the cape and cowl is none other than.....

Courtesy of @Renan_Ishin

That's right!!! Ryan Gosling, the guy from The Notebook, Blue Valentine and Crazy Stupid Love is a rumored frontrunner to play the Caped Crusader. As wrong as this is, I'd sell my body to science to see this happen. The most sensitive Batman EVER. Twitter went into a frenzy. Well, really just me and a couple other people, but...you know...same thing. It's a cheap shot on my part, but I can't think of a moment in which that's ever stopped me before.

@comicsopolis "Hey, Girl...these aren't the cuddles you deserve, but they're the cuddles you need right now." #RyanGoslingBatman
— Oz (@letsgetfree13) August 4, 2013

@comicsopolis @MikeFromNowhere "Hey, Girl...tell me where Lex hid the Kryptonite. Then you have my permission to love." #RyanGoslingBatman
— Oz (@letsgetfree13) August 4, 2013

"Hey, Girl....the cops can handle this one. The Gilmore Girls marathon is on in 15 minutes." #RyanGoslingBatman
— Oz (@letsgetfree13) August 4, 2013

Finally, the Bruce Wayne in a beanie, flared jeans and ironic t-shirt we've all waited for.... #RyanGoslingBatman
— Oz (@letsgetfree13) August 4, 2013

He researches his knock-out gas to make sure it isn't animal tested while listening to Clay Aiken..... #RyanGoslingBatman @MikeFromNowhere
— Oz (@letsgetfree13) August 4, 2013

@letsgetfree13 @comicsopolis Oh my. I've just had a thought. https://t.co/VfHBueSynF
— Mike From Nowhere (@MikeFromNowhere) August 4, 2013

Oh man. What if the Driver from "Drive" was Gosling-Batman's version of MATCHES MALONE
— Mike From Nowhere (@MikeFromNowhere) August 4, 2013

@KingOfMars Remember, this is Movie Batman, who has a code against killing right up until he doesn't.
— Mike From Nowhere (@MikeFromNowhere) August 4, 2013

@KingOfMars *pushes Harvey Dent to his death* ♪♫ Real human being ♪♫ And a real hero ♪♫
— Mike From Nowhere (@MikeFromNowhere) August 4, 2013

Stuff I Read This Week Episode 21 or Ridley Scott Should Buy Us All Comics As An Apology For Prometheus....

The Wake #3: This is quickly becoming one of my favorite books to pick up because it does sci-fi horror better than a lot of sci fi horror films (I'm looking at you, Prometheus AKA The Dumbest Scientists in the Universe). With the right writer, it's pretty hard to fuck up an "scientists trapped underwater with a killer sea creature" concept. There are ten issues in this series, it's issue three and we've already entered the "Holy Shit" phase of the story.

The evil-mermaid-sea monster-thing has gotten loose to the surprise of no one and has Dr. Lee Archer and the rest of her crew on the run. The strongest aspect of this book gets much stronger as the spotlight is placed heavily on the claustrophobic tension of this quickly escalating situation, reminiscent of Alien (as I mentioned in the first issue's review). Archer's survival meets sympathy attitude makes for an enjoyable female lead, but the MVP award for this issue has to go to the prize hunter, Meeks. Anyone who was a fan of Robert Shaw's character in Jaws will get a kick out of Meeks' "fuck yeah" moment here. There's a little more exposition in this issue than you would normally want out of a story like this, but yet again, Scott Snyder manages to keep the book moving while maintaining tension. Sean Murphy's attention to detail only gets better as the series goes on. Mix that with Matt Hollingsworth's coloring and you have one of the most consistently gorgeous books running right now. Every moment on most panel turns you into an asshole movie goer, virtually screaming at every page, "Oh my God...GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE!!!!"

Bottom Line: This book is going from good to great in no time at all. Shit is getting creepy really quick. This is what you should be setting your calendar for each month. 9.5 out of 10

Guardians of the Galaxy #5: Okay, in a way, this book has double duty. In addition to the pressure for it not to suck because it's going to be a movie pretty soon, it also has to successfully shove Angela, Spawn's angel girlfriend (or whatever) down our throats. Fortunately, it has succeeded on both counts so far.

Since they've been in space doing space shit, The Guardians don't know that time and space have become slightly unglued because people on Earth keep fucking with it and there's no such thing as Doctor Who in Marvel continuity. Basically, this issue sees our heroes catching up with the major events going on in the rest of the universe which is a strength and a weakness. If you didn't read Age of Ultron (which you really shouldn't unless you're trapped in line at the DMV), you're not going to have any idea why any of this is happening. Brian Bendis actually wrote Age of Ultron and I'm convinced that HE doesn't even know what happened. Nonetheless, he seems to have plenty of fun with his characters leading up to the confrontation advertised on the cover which, by the way, was satisfying enough. The addition of Iron Man to the team has been a welcome one thus far. It was a good idea to have a more familiar mainstream hero be our guide through the rules and pitfalls of Marvel's galactic continuity, someone we can discover (or for more seasoned readers, rediscover) comic book outer space with. Bendis has really succeeded in giving these characters distinctive voices that manage to make you laugh and make you slightly uncomfortable at times as good characters should while still driving the plot forward this time around. Sara Pichelli's artwork serves its purpose well enough, but I really wish she wouldn't leave the backgrounds so lifeless during close-ups. It makes some of the more serious moments a bit cartoonish like something I would expect from Deadpool.

Bottom Line: Even if you're not up to date on current events in the Marvel U, this is a good book in a good series serving as a crash course for the developing movie event. 8 out of 10.

Uncanny X-Men #9: Well, I'm really glad this book has picked up speed again. The whole "X-Men vs Hell" story had me a little worried, but Bendis has managed to get back to what readers seems to like about this title: Outlaw X-Men versus S.H.I.E.L.D. Continuing where we left off last issue, we're reintroduced to long time X-Man and former disco performer (No, I'm not kidding), Dazzler working for Maria Hill and being a lot less perky than the heroine we're used to. I'm interested to see whether or not Brian Bendis will elaborate on what's happened since we last saw her that would bring her to the government's doorstep for a makeover into, as Cyclops called her, the "Uncle Tom of mutants." She doesn't seem to be a completely treacherous character here, but considering her treatment of underage detainees, it's easy to see where both sides are coming from. Bendis does what Bendis does best here: characterization. Scott Summers' young recruits find a little more of an identity in this book. We especially get a nice "coming of age" moment here with the Stepford Sisters discovering togetherness in their budding individualities. It's very refreshing to have such strong growth in new characters, offering endearing, lighthearted moments while maintaining this book's status as the "Dark Avengers" of the X-Universe. Though Chris Bachalo's style took some getting used to for me with this title, his designs are really interesting and his willingness to use all of the space is nice. However, the panels that deal with a larger cast of characters can feel cluttered and distracting at times. Still, this is an X-title that has had some bumps but is really coming around.

Bottom Line: I expected just a little more from Bachalo's artwork, but it's still looks good enough, combined with the strong "this is who we are" focus on this installment, to make the whole thing work. 8 out of 10.