Graduation Speech at the Xavier School for the Gifted.....

Congratulations, Class of 2013. Your being here this morning marks a momentous occasion. You have all not only learned a unique mastery over your gifts, but you've also demonstrated a willingness to harness those gifts in the interest of bettering society once you venture out into the world instead of being a complete tool like SOMEONE who will not be named...**cough** Erik **cough**. Anyway, your walk across this stage means that I have nothing left to teach you.

It also means you didn't die. Because, whew....could THAT have ever happened? I mean, giant robot death machines? I was trying not to freak anybody out but HOOOOOLLLLLYYYY SHIT we almost died fighting those things! And the Legacy Virus? Fuck, man.....talk about "not enough Thera-Flu in the world," huh?

Little joke there....really?...nothing? Okay, okay, too soon.

Moving on. We here at the Xavier Institute are 100% confident that we have thoroughly prepared you for the challenges you'll face out there in the real world. And make no mistakes, my fellow mutants, there WILL certainly be challenges. Like bigots who will hate you before ever actually meeting you because of your differences. And the future. Seriously, guys, the future will try to kill you. A lot. All the time. But persevere, hold your head high in the face of adversity and don't EVER give the future your credit card number. Trust me on that one. Oh my God, if I ever get my hands on that little...ahem...sorry. Got a little carried away there.

In closing, the Institute is honored to have been a part of your education and, ultimately, your lives. The bonds you've built, the fears you've conquered, the lessons you've learned....carry them with you always. Hold them close to your heart. Time flies quickly and you'll miss these days when they're gone. And remember: Humans good. We like humans. No vaporizing. Maybe a little mind wipe here and there, but no vaporizing. Please don't turn into a mutant overlord despot. Please. I can't stress that enough. I can't deal with more interviews with Fox News like last time. Honestly, that Sean Hannity guy. I don't see how he sleeps at night. Bottom line: No evil mutant shit.

My friends, my students, my fellow children of the atom....it is my honor, my privilege, my pleasure to welcome you to the first day of the rest of your lives. Also, the beginning of paying off your student loans. Because the government doesn't pay for this shit. Bear in mind, rocketships under the basketball court don't grow on trees.

Now, who wants a diploma!!!