The other day, I found myself with a huge workload on my plate at the day job that made me wish I had the ability to produce clones. I recalled how I'd heard many people wish there were more of them so they could be in several places at once. I mean, Hollywood kind of romanticizes the idea of clones/doubles, but every now and then, even THAT gets creepy. I mean, we all saw the Prestige. If clones didn't end well for Wolverine, they probably won't end well for anyone else.
Does anyone really want another "you" hanging around? Think about yourself for a second. I mean, really take a look in the proverbial mirror. You like yourself. In fact, you LOVE yourself and that's a good thing. We should all love ourselves. But because of this fact, we note and overlook our flaws. After all, "it's ME and I can live with me." Yes, you can. Until you actually have to live with you. Having said all that, the more I think about it, I really don't see how I or, ultimately, the world would benefit from making anymore of me. I can see it now.
Clone: Hey.
Me: Hey.
Clone: You read the blog today?
Me: It so happens I did slightly better than reading my blog. I, in fact, wrote my blog.
Clone: Yeah, about that....refresh the page.
Me: All right...wait...what is this?
Clone: I rewrote it a little.
Me: Why?
Clone: Well, first I had some ideas for a better joke in the second paragraph. Then, the only way the joke was going to make sense was if I changed the first paragraph. Then, I thought of a whole different....
Me: In other words, you rewrote it a lot.
Clone: That's one way to look at it.
Me: As opposed to....?
Clone: Since I'm you...maybe it's turns out you're a lot funnier than you thought you were.
Me: And a little more a dick than I thought I was, too.
Clone: See? Self-discovery! Silver lining.
Me: How did you even log in to my account?
Clone: Well, I know the password....
Me: ....because you're me. I get it. You don't have to do the "Because I'm Batman" face, you smug fuck.
The other primary problem with me having a clone would, in all likelihood, be our inevitable butting of heads over my private life.
Clone: So I've been thinking.
Me: About?
Clone: About what it would take to pull off a convincing "you."
Me: Okay....?
Clone: I think I have what it takes.
Me: I can't imagine why.
Clone: I'm just saying...I've been reading about method acting and really becoming a character.
Me: If I'd bought you in a store, I swear to God I'd be checking the receipt.
Clone: What?
Me: You don't have to get into being me. You ARE me.
Clone: No, hear me out. If I were to, for example, maybe spend an evening interacting with someone you know....
Me: Oh, for fuck's sake....dude, we talked about this.
Clone: What?
Me: You want to be alone with my girlfriend.
Clone: Did I say that? I never said that.
Me: You've been pulling this shit all week.
Clone: That's not true.
Me: Last night....
Clone: ....was taken completely out of context. I made an honest mistake. I thought someone left the shower running and I just went to turn it off.
Me: WHO LEAVES THE SHOWER RUNNING FOR NO REASON???
Clone: Well...okay, I don't have a counter for that.
Me: I'm going to punch you in the face now.
Clone: You know, the argument could be made that this makes you kind of insecure.
Me: Is that right?
Clone: Think about it. You're worried about you stealing your own girlfriend.
Me: I'm not worried. Creeped out a little? Maybe.
Clone: I think you might have some unresolved issues we could....OW! OW! STOP HITTING YOURSELF, GODDAMMIT!!!!
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