Transformers 3: All popcorn, Icees and other snacks should all be laced with LSD in advance. At least then, there's an excuse to not understand what the f**k is going on and you have a good high to show for so many shiny things exploding for no reason in the same two hours. Then, youtube reactions afterward would be so much funnier. "Whoa, why did the Icee taste like Dimetapp? I kept seeing Leonard Nimoy with a metal face everywhere."
Green Lantern: You shouldn't even have to watch this movie. After you park your car, someone should hand you a pair the 3D glasses. After you put them on, Ryan Reynolds will paint his hand green and punch you in the face while Mark Strong just snatches your ten bucks out of your pocket.
Green Hornet: You should have an option for Seth Rogen to sit outside the theater and just tell you the entire movie. It's pretty much the same as watching him prattle on screen while Stephen Chow kicks the sh** out of everyone.
Takers: Everytime Chris Brown is supposed to say a line, he should just krump dance battle with Columbus Short. Also, you should get a coupon for a free Banana Republic sweater so that all the product placement won't be in vain.
Salt: After the first hour, there should be a QR code at the bottom of the screen that links you to a free subscription of How to Get Famous by Pouting.
Ghost Rider: Nicolas Cage should kill himself at the beginning. I'm not talking about the actual story. I'm saying Nicolas Cage should kill himself.
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