Things I Learned Watching The Green Hornet Film

1. Apparently, pulling the head off of a child's generic superhero action figure is proper negative reinforcement for getting your ass kicked on a playground.

2. James Franco will appear in just about anything.

3. It seems even owning a newspaper isn't enough to keep your own son out of it.

4. Coffee only tastes good if a 4 foot Asian man brews it in a machine made with what looks like a motorcycle engine.

5. Edward James Olmos makes the most ominous editor-in-chief ever.

6. Being a disgustingly rich heir to a newspaper empire means you're "dead already."

7. Seth Rogen is the same character in every movie he's ever been in.

8. Kato, it seems, is secretly the Six Million Dollar Man.

9. Getting your ass kicked in middle school totally qualifies you to take on the underworld.

10. It's always a good idea to call someone who can beat you to death three times over...."Short Round.