Stuff I Read This Week Episode 7 or Finally, the Mainstream John Constantine We've All Been Waiting For....

Constantine #1: The sad fact about comic books is that no matter how well a hero works, how good the book is, how legendary and inspirational it can be.....nothing is sacred. This is especially true for DC Comics and their "New 52" reboot initiative. Part of DC's aim seems to be consolidating obscure or "outside" characters and properties into one universe. From what I can tell, it's been mainly an unequivocal failure (looking at you, Static, Grifter, Stormwatch) for reasons I'll be outlining in another post. The solo introduction of John Constantine isn't a complete bomb, but it's not quite the success it should be either.

For those of you that have never followed this character in Hellblazer, it's basically the story of a cynical, profanity laced occult detective conning his way through the supernatural underworld. And now he's being introduced into a world of superheroes. Great. Jeff Lemire does a serviceable job of not only conveying the basics we need to know about our hero, but using him and the less intriguing people (and other creatures) he's surrounded by to convey a general idea about the world of magic: It comes with a dark price. Just ask whoever keeps doing that to Lil Kim's face.

Although the overall theme is well conveyed and Constantine gets a decent introduction, everything else....like the plot....seems to fall to the wayside. Honestly, I couldn't tell you what happened in that book without looking at a spoiler blog. And the things I do remember advancing the story just didn't intrigue me on any level whatsoever. Shit happened.

Renato Guedes offered some pretty good artwork with cool designs for all of the magical effects, really making the few moments of gore stand out. The baddies, one of which looks like a "demon hipster chick" from Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, are a particularly fun kind of creepy to look at. Now, if only they actually served some memorable purpose.

Bottom Line: Great designs, a fun lead and an interesting theme. Oh, yeah....and there was a story somewhere in there. 6.5 out of 10

New Avengers #4: So, this part of the Avengers franchise is where we're given the "shit just got real" premise. Jonathan Hickman brings his classic sci-fi influence to the "Illuminati", a think tank consisting of the most influential members of the superhero community who gather in secret and make all the "hard choices." In addition to being my theory on how Channing Tatum keeps getting work, it's the scenario we're used to superheroes convincing the status quo doesn't actually happen. Hickman's tension-building and characterization is tight to say the least. We get a truly resonant moment with Doctor Strange that shows what kind of individual it takes to be as powerful as him (let's face it....he's one of the most powerful and most underrated characters in Marvel Comics) and, ultimately, what this book is supposed to be about.

Steve Epting brings his "A" game to this title's art once again, perfectly portraying the constant sense of urgency delivered by Hickman's premise: "The universe is ending....somehow." He also does a great job of portraying what kind of smug douchebag the Sub Mariner is even when the whole of creation is on the brink of going the way of the dinosaurs....or season two of Heroes.

Bottom Line: Top shelf storytelling and visceral artwork makes this book twice the treasure it was in the last issue. 9.5 out of 10



Justice League of America #2: I'm convinced that some comic review sites out there are smoking crack (I'm looking at you, IGN). It's either that or perhaps their being punked, receiving issues of Daredevil: End of Days with the cover from the latest issue of Justice League of America taped on them. It's the only feasible way this book could possibly be receiving the high marks it's been getting. For those of who've been out of the loop concerning this book (as you should be), this is the story of a superhero team assembled to upstage the Justice League and, if they ever get out of hand, take them out. Because if Superman ever decides to enslave humanity, it's good to know Catwoman and the muslim Green Lantern (wherever the fuck he came from) have got our backs.



Geoff Johns is doing everything he can to make this revamped regurgitation of the excommunicated Justice League International premise bearable. He's not succeeding, but he hasn't completely failed either. This issue sees our heroes finally getting acquainted and deployed to take on the Secret Society who may not be who the team expects but totally what anyone who has ever read comics expects. In a thirty page book are exactly three positive points that altogether take up three or four pages:

-Amanda Waller is basically being set up to be DC's version of the Nick Fury characterization: "Suck it up and do your job....even though I'm probably lying to you."

-Stargirl might be the first character in the whole New 52 reboot I've seen smile.

-We get a brief but hilarious exchange from Vibe and Hawkman meeting for the first time.

And that's about it. I really want to like David Finch's artwork, but he and Jim Lee are the embodiments of one of the principal problems with this entire reboot initiative. Just look at the cover. With the exception of Stargirl, nobody ever smiles. Nobody's happy about anything. Ever. Everybody's either indifferent or pissed off like they just heard that there's going to be another Transformers movie. Oh, and no matter the book, the emotion or situation, Catwoman is the Megan Fox of comic books: she's only ever allowed to pout and that's probably because she has a chest cold. I mean, look....how could her chest NOT be cold?

Bottom Line: There's literally one entertaining page in this book. Maybe two. Google them. It's free. Since I was nice enough to give the first issue a four..... 3 out of 10.