The Cyborg Problem

Some of you...many of you, I wager...have probably noticed my Facebook and Twitter pages have lately been full of Cyborg "shade" and wondered why I have it out for this character in particular.

I went to sleep to @letsgetfree13 shading Cyborg & I woke up to the same. This may have been one if the best follows I've made recently.
— Felonious Donk (@PhaxSimile) March 2, 2014

Well, I was with some friends a week or two ago watching Justice League: War, DC's latest bastardization of their New 52 material. I'm not going to into why I didn't particularly enjoy the movie or the source material it was based on. That's a whole other post. I mentioned how I didn't like Cyborg being placed on the Justice League roster for one simple reason.

Cyborg is the epitome of why DC's black characters (except Green Lantern John Stewart) just don't work.

Let's take a real look at Victor Stone. There's not much to set him apart from anyone else in the Justice League. Think about it. What exactly can he do that the League needs that any of the other members can't already do? Strength? Well, that's pretty notably what Superman and Wonder Woman are for. He has a laser cannon for an arm? Green Lantern's magic wishing ring can do that plus anything else he can imagine. He can hack into computer security systems? Let's face it. DC has made Batman so annoyingly omniscient, he can hack/break/punch/think his way into virtually ANYTHING on Earth. Flash, Aquaman and even Shazam have villains tailor made to combat them and offer a significant challenge to be overcome. Name a Cyborg villain. I'll wait.

The ONLY thing that actually makes Cyborg stand out is being black. Now, let's look at his actual character development. Thus far, in the New 52 continuity, the only defining personality trait anyone can nail down is "I'm so sad that I have a metal face." Granted, tragedy isn't a new plot device or anything. After all....Batman. But there are other layers to Batman. He's meticulous, calculating, disgustingly rich, gets laid on Earth more than Captain Kirk ever did in space. Despite being a well documented loner...he's kind of a surrogate father, too. Cyborg is just really, really sad about his metal face despite being having all kinds of cool superpowers. I'm not even going to go into the possible undertones that could be assumed about the fact that only thing DC seems to be able to do remotely well with black characters is tragedy.

(This was the same problem DC had with Hal Jordan in the Green Lantern movie. These are sad times. People are sick, people are broke and someone's trying to shoot up a school or shopping mall every other week. If you have a character with a magic wishing ring or super robot powers, nobody wants to read them whining about it for 26 pages.)

With all that in mind, I repeat: the ONLY thing that separates Cyborg from the rest of the Justice League is the fact that he's black. So, when they put him on the roster, it's blatantly DC coming across as stuffy old white guys trying to condescend to readers, showing them how "down" they are by putting putting a black person with no standout qualities other than blackness next to Superman. Remind you of anyone?

Yes, that's right. Cyborg is quite literally DC's "black friend."

The sad thing is they really do mean well. It seems like they're trying to do for Cyborg what Marvel did with Luke Cage in 2000 by upgrading his character from the superhero version of Chef in South Park to what has basically turned out to be Shaft with superpowers (if he were played by Ving Rhames ten years ago). The only problem with that is Marvel does shit like that well.

Before ever becoming an Avenger, we saw Cage evolve and shine in top notch books like Alias and Daredevil (it probably helped that Brian Michael Bendis has sort of a man crush on Luke Cage). I know Luke Cage. He's is the summation of guys like my best friend and my father, an old school man of stoic conscience with pretty old school methods to superheroing and isn't always entirely sure he's supposed to be a husband and father, but sucks it up and does it anyway.

For all the complaints about her being underused (even though she's at the forefront of at least two successful X-Men titles I can think of), Storm is a pretty fleshed out character herself. She's a woman who owns her mutant powers and has always sort carried herself like royalty even before marrying (and divorcing) the Black Panther. Her history is so extensive, we've seen her overcome claustrophobia. Whether you like her character or not, you know Storm. You can repeat this with Black Nick Fury, James Rhodes, even the Falcon at this point, really.

Now, name three personality traits, defining moments or quirks about Cyborg, Mister Terrific, Black Lightning, Bronze Tiger or Aqualad (who, in fairness, was AWESOME in Young Justice). Villains? Motivations? Memorable "Real Hero" moments? Go ahead. Try. I'll wait.

Putting black characters like this on a Justice League roster for black's sake isn't giving them the respect or recognition they deserve. Taking them seriously and actually writing them is. That's why I don't take Cyborg seriously. Then again, I could be wrong.

(By the way, I've left John Stewart and Static...and even Static's cartoon got a little condescending...out of my analysis because those were two characters made awesome ONLY because of the late Dwayne McDuffie, who took advantage of post 9/11 sentiments by focusing on John Stewart's military background, almost making it a superpower in itself.)

Leading From Nowhere

Preface: This is a slight detour from my usual content that I don't usually take because I don't want to alienate readers, but after some things I've seen, heard and read the past few weeks, this needs to be said. I'll be back to just pissing off nerds next week.

So, I was having a discussion a while back in one of the comic forums I'm in. In the midst of the rumor mill behind the production and casting in Man of Steel 2: Steel Harder, the internet has casted everyone from Denzel Washington to the Rock as Green Lantern (whom we're not even completely sure is going to make an appearance in this movie, by the way). Most of these rumors are the made-up, wishful thinking of nerd blogs, but the ongoing trend is that people seemed to be really into the idea of John Stewart, a Green Lantern of color. At first, I dismissed this trend as fans wanting DC's cinematic universe to distance itself as far from Ryan Reynolds and Movie Hal Jordan as possible. Not completely unreasonable. I could not care which Green Lantern they use if they use one at all. I've learned that casting news and press releases don't drive me nearly as crazy as it drives my nerd brethren. I also thought about the long-standing, underlying call for more black superheroes to take their place in the forefront in comic book culture (even though Wesley Snipes pretty much BECAME Blade in the collective consciousness and Samuel L. Jackson IS Nick Fury to such a degree that Marvel killed White Nick Fury, who'd been around in the comics for 50 years).

Then, I found myself thinking about it a little more. I came home from the day job as the Golden Globes was taking place. Now, I don't actually watch award shows simply because, 90% of the time I'm not terribly invested in any of the shows or films nominated. However, I DO glance at my news feed on Facebook periodically. It's not just the fact that the sheer outrage at black nominees not winning a particular award borderlined on the kind of zealotry that could even throw a Texan like myself for a loop (given the fact that church and football are like cash crops here). But it's the fact that people are so disappointed at their prize fighter not winning, it brings them to hate the people that did win like Jennifer Lawrence, who, to my mind, hasn't done anything harmful to anyone aside from maybe being in X-Men: First Class. I didn't quite understand the fanaticism. After all, it's not just rhetoric when they say you should be happy just to be nominated. Granted, wanting to win is an unavoidable part of the human condition and, yeah, prestigious accolades do seem to allow actors to bag big roles. However, in this case, being "Golden Globe Award nominated Kerry Washington or Lupita Nyong'o" will probably work just as well as being "Golden Globe Award winning Kerry Washington or Lupita Nyong'o." So, why all the outrage?

Then, I turned on the television a while later to see that the news cycle was practically making an internet meme out of Seattle Seahawks cornerback, Richard Sherman, who, in the process of beating his chest during post game coverage, scared the living shit out of Erin Andrews . As a result of his (sort of understandable) outburst, a few media outlets took to using the word "thug" to describe his on-camera behavior. And the internet, the community, the universe....fucking LOST IT. On one hand, an athlete taunting another athlete after winning a very important game does NOT constitute as "thug" behavior. Does it make him a bit of a dick? Sure, but that can be excused considering he just won a very important game and no self-respecting news outlet should have characterized him the way they did. I mean, let's be honest...I freak the fuck out when I get home from the store and find out that I saved money because the cashier forgot to charge me for my beer. This guy clinched his team's spot in the Super Goddamned Bowl with an epic play that will be talked about for years to come. Also, this isn't really anything new. The Seahawks' secondary has talked so much utterly reckless shit to EVERYONE all season, they may as well be the Floyd Mayweather of professional football.

On the other hand, the countless articles and op-eds lionizing this kid? Bill Maher comparing him to Muhammad Ali? The community (by the way, I am absolutely talking about the African American community...my community) putting this kid on their backs like a dead Russell Crowe at the end of Gladiator? Why? Don't get me wrong. I'm excited for the kid getting endorsements and his team getting their chance to go on to the big show and (personal prediction) get crushed by Peyton Manning, but let's put this in the proper context. Ali stood up against the Vietnam War. Richard Sherman stood up for the greater good of Richard Sherman.

So, why the big deal? Why all the sociopolitical theater? Movie stars, jocks and comic book characters....when did these things become THIS important in black culture? I've always been a little lenient on Hollywood and comic culture giving us black heroes because, as far as I'm concerned, black people already have heroes. Why do I give a shit if Santa Claus is black when Amiri Fucking Baraka was?

Then, it hit me. We superimpose ourselves onto these people, celebrities and larger than life fictional archetypes to build Black Nation up because, now that I think about it, Black Nation is running short on leaders, aren't we? Let's take a good, honest look at the state of things.

We just lost Nelson Mandela and Amiri Baraka. With all due affection for Barack Obama, he has said several times that being President of an entire country doesn't allow him the time nor privilege nor leeway from conservatives to single out civil rights as a cause and he's not entirely wrong. As long as we're ALL in bad shape socially and financially, that has to be the leader of the country's primary focus. And those from the early days of the Civil Rights movement....well, I'm not going to say they're a bit off base, but I WILL say that Al Sharpton is a talk show host.

It's safe to say that I myself have gotten old enough to consider myself a member of a generation that is immensely hard on the generation behind me as far as their resolve in combating racism, but I'm also here to admit that the absence of leadership and isn't entirely their fault. (Because I must clearly hate myself) I was flipping channels, came across The Real Housewives of SomethingOrAnother and decided to keep it there a few minutes. In the duration, a woman, who I was later informed is the granddaughter of Hosea Williams, sincerely thought the Underground Railroad was--I shit you not--an ACTUAL TRAIN. I'm not particularly looking down on Porsha Williams. I am, however, sorely disappointed in those around her in the course of her upbringing. It really does take a village to raise any one child. And her village failed her.

I want it to be clear that I'm not shooting slugs at pop culture or current trends. I enjoy Scandal and football just as much as the next person. I say that to tell you....in fact, this whole post has been to tell you that any movement, any democracy and any group that feels unrepresented ONLY benefits from being well informed. If the youth behind you don't know (what we so affectionately refer to as) "our story"....it's because YOU didn't tell it properly and enforce that it be remembered. Improving any people's way of life doesn't come from going on CNN, telling the to pull their pants up and throw their trash away (I'm looking at you, Don Lemon). It doesn't come from condescending from telling women that what they do with their vaginas knocks their race two steps back (I am absolutely looking at you, "Dr" Boyce Watkins). It comes from knowing who came before them and what they sacrificed for the freedoms you have now. It comes from knowledge. With that knowledge comes pride in their lineage and with that pride comes a lust to preserve it unencumbered by journalist drama queens and bloggers and (becoming) old men like myself telling them what's what. Maybe then, we won't have to wonder why Storm from the X-Men doesn't have her own show or why Mister Terrific's book didn't last a year (probably because it was shitty) or why Kerry Washington didn't win a Golden Globe. Then again, I could be wrong.

Why Fans Should Suck It Up About Comic Book Movies

Recently, I came across an article from a conservative blogger about how he'd elected to never spend another dime on superhero films because Hollywood, at every turn, has completely raped his childhood and made the superheroes he grew up completely unbearable and he's not going to take it anymore.  Now, I'm acknowledging ahead of time that his blog post is mostly poorly argued and unresearched (which is the most I should probably expect from what is basically the Fox News version of my own blog), but his complaints are not uncommon among the fickle and sometimes downright hateful mob that is comic fandom. Granted, I understand why people would complain that studios are better off sticking closer to the source material. After all, NOBODY wants another Jonah Hex or X-Men: The Last Stand. Still, here a few things this guy....as well as a lot of fans....should consider.

1). Faithfulness to the source material does NOT always equate to a good movie. I mean, for a commendable project that packed tons of material into a two hour movie, Watchmen was such an imitation (despite some people having perfect bodies when they shouldn't, but....Hollywood) that it was practically hermetically sealed in its original comic packaging. And even still, it was met with mixed reviews among critics and fans. Tim Story's Fantastic Four was moderately close the comic (MODERATELY...except for Doctor Doom being a superpowered Donald Trump analog) and even that was considered mainly a failed attempt.

Green Lantern pretty much hit all the bullet points required of the Geoff Johns-ified version of Hal Jordan's (except for Movie Hal Jordan being a complete pussy) origin story and yet it still managed to be chastised as one of the worst comic movies of the past five years. Also, it eventually leads to fans complaining that they're not seeing anything they've never seen before. For years, Superman loyalists have whined and whined that we haven't seen anything out of those movies (until Man of Steel) that we've never seen before ("Really, Lex Luthor again???"). Now, I think that they're asking a LOT from Superman's list of villains, but they also have a point in the fact that remaining too close to what comic fans know doesn't do anything to add to the mythology of the hero in question. Taking an entire comic book and pasting onto the silver screen doesn't always lead to success. This leads to my next point......

2). New ideas from directors have been known to enhance comic book lore. When directors are allowed to toy with certain aspects of the source material, THAT is when innovation happens. People bitch and moan about X-Men all the time. Some people don't like Hugh Jackman's Wolverine because historically, Wolverine is a short, hairy guy who likes beer. This is entertaining enough for a comic book until you realize that if you translate that same description to a movie storyboard where you have cast a REAL actor, the person you're describing is Danny Devito.

I wasn't kidding. Giant smoke kraken.

Honestly, Green Lantern could have stood some outside innovation from Martin Campbell (except maybe not making Parallax out to be a former Green Lantern turned giant smoke kraken). General Zod was essentially a throwaway villain from an obscure issue of Adventure Comics until Richard Donner brought him to the forefront in Superman II. Furthermore, even though it was always canon that he was a small town kid, it wasn't really established that Clark Kent was raised on a farm in Kansas until Donner's movie placed Smallville in Kansas. Gotham City wasn't a perpetually gray, crime infested wasteland of art nouveau and towering gothic cathedrals until Tim Burton and Anton Furst designed it that way. More often than not, it takes a movie, something absorbed by the collective consciousness (comic nerds and casual moviegoers alike) to establish baseline characteristics for a superhero or their surroundings which simultaneously why Robert Downey Jr. IS Iron Man for the forseeable future and why DC could only benefit from making a Wonder Woman movie.

3). Once a comic becomes a movie, it's not exclusively yours anymore. You know who understands concepts like this? Children. When my friends and I played make believe Power Rangers, it was easy. There were commonly six of us and there were five Power Rangers (the Mighty Morphin days....Sweet Jesus, I'm old) so, except for the inevitable argument over who would be the Green Ranger, it was simple. Then, someone else would come along and want to play with us. Now, the likelihood of them wanting to be Zordon, the giant, omniscient floating head that told the Rangers to do shit was slim to none (although, in retrospect, when I put it that way, why the FUCK didn't I ever want to be Zordon), so they wanted to be a Ranger, too. Despite there only being six Rangers, there were, of course, more than six colors in the spectrum of colors, so fuck it. Little Amy can be the Violet Ranger and she can have a giant Velociraptor robot. Peace was maintained and playtime could continue.

The moral of that little story was that when other people want to be a part of what you're into, you have to share. In this day and age, movie adaptations are ideally the sign that a larger audience (Hollywood, non comic nerds, kids, whatever) wants to be in on what was once a very niche fiction of, at it's best, a million readers. Nerds (I'm guilty of this, too) have to understand that it's inevitable that when something becomes popular enough, corporate America will create a medium where it can be consumed by anyone. This happens with rap, spoken word, art house film-making, etc. Comic books aren't immune. The sad truth is that if Hollywood can fail us by keeping Channing Tatum in movies and allowing James Cameron to make Avatar sequels, it's not too farfetched that they would fuck up Ghost Rider and Elektra.

In summary....SUCK IT UP.

Stuff I Read This Week Episode 22 or Help Me, Douchbag Cosplayer....You're My Only Hope.

Green Lantern #23: As much as I find DC's New 52 to be alienating and unreadable, there are some bright spots in this dark, rusted meat locker of a universe that deserve mention. One of them is the Green Lantern stories, but mainly because DC left the continuity relatively untouched in the hard reboot. Since the reboot began, Geoff Johns had been doing double duty in a very Jekyll and Hyde fashion, going between maintaining a tight ship with GL by day and fucking up the Justice League by night. Since he's stepped away from the book he's done well to make the book he's done badly even worse, Robert Venditti has taken the helm to build a new dimension to the mythos.

This issue focuses mainly on Hal personally investigating a murder on Oa from #22, going off alone (true to Hal Jordan form) to find who's responsible. Venditti is at his "A" game in his characterization of the hero, fleshing out his pigheadedness in going off alone and half-cocked, looking for an enemy he knows nothing about. The Surrogates writer appears to have a great understanding of his lead character, giving Hal Jordan a whole new set of problems to deal with by leaving him in charge of the Lantern Corps. I enjoy this step in the "greatest Lantern's" journey because the plots were becoming stale with the same predictable weight of the Guardians' leadership hanging over his head.

Guardians of the Universe: "We know stuff about your enemy that might help you to not die out there, but we won't tell you because it's probably our fault in the first place. Or...you know...because fuck you, that's why."

One thing that cannot afford to slack off is artwork. When you have a comic book about a guy who can create things with a magic wishing ring, visuals have to be on point at all times. Fortunately, Billy Tan kicks here. The action beats are brilliantly drawn, letting the fights jump straight off the page. Not only do Hal's constructs look impressive, but they also give us a couple of imaginative feats I don't think I've ever seen before.

Bottom Line: Whether you like Geoff Johns work or not, he made a lasting impact on Green Lantern. That's a tough act to follow and Robert Venditti is handling the responsibility pretty well so far. 9 out of 10.

Kick-Ass 3 #2: In my last review, I was pretty clear on my feelings that the Kick-Ass saga's death is both necessary and welcome much like season three of Heroes. The second issue of the final chapter makes the reason pretty evident. Mark Millar makes no secret of his love for deconstructing superheroes under "real world" circumstances. However, with this book, it seems that his big picture mutates in such a way, each chapter becomes, in a way, unrecognizable from one story to the next.


The first theme of the first one was "Anyone who thinks they can fight crime in real life is pretty stupid and they'd probably die." In Kick-Ass 2, Millar's prevailing point was that cosplayers are delusional losers. Now, it seems clear that Millar's heroes (really, the villains, too) are held up as totems of "jerk culture" in comics. And the problem is the same as it was before: Good guy or bad guy....nobody in this book is a terribly good person. The issue focuses a lot on the building comeuppance of Chris Genovese aka Red Mist, who evolved into an extinction level asshole in the first two books. Also, we get a look at Chris' mother, seemingly as much a victim (unintended as it may be) of her son's crimes as those he had murdered. It does a pretty good job of pondering what it would be like for a supervillain's family if everyone knew their relation. How could Doctor Doom's mother ever leave the house with the whole world knowing their offspring had just vaporized Buckingham Palace? Would Bullseye's sister even be able to make it to the mailbox in the morning without a victim's angry father waiting with a sniper rifle in hand?

Meanwhile, Kick-Ass himself becomes the less interesting character to follow as he tries to rally his halfhearted troops, Justice Forever, to put a fright into the organized crime (which seems, by the way, completely unfazed by these people living out their comic book fantasies) of the city Batman: Year One style. Commonly, it is an endearing trait when the hero stays the course in his mission to make his protectorate a better place. The Dark Knight trilogy saw Bruce Wayne's parents killed, the love of his life blown to Hell, his partner in justice scarred and corrupted by the Joker, his back broken, thrown into a hole left to crawl his way out and stabbed in the gut by his rebound girlfriend. And he never gave up. And he was rewarded for it. Kick-Ass, however, seems to be on a far less fruitful quest that isn't necessarily for social change so much as it is for personal validation. Proving that one man can make a difference seems to not be as important as proving to himself that he's not just some jackass cosplayer.

Bottom Line: I've never read a comic in which I kinda wanted everyone to lose. 7 out of 10.

Justice League Movie: Outlook Not Good

For those of you who've asked me if I think there's going to be a Justice League movie anytime soon..... My Prediction: Maybe, but it won't happen anytime soon. Why, you ask?


-There's a big hole to dig themselves out of. Too many of DC's properties are tied with Warner Brothers in a way that leaves them just the indentured servants, working as consultants and whatnot.


-Even after they find a way out of that, they still have to start tying these characters together. Even if Christopher Nolan and Christian Bale wanted to do more Batman (which they don't), it's very unlikely that his gritty, semi-realistic style of storytelling would gel well enough that his Batman could exist in a larger superpowered community. Then again, Hawkeye exists in the Avengers, so you never know.


-The Superman franchise is still looking for forgivness. Don't get me wrong. I have complete faith in Zak Snyder's directing skills (despite wack ass Sucker Punch), but it's going to take a lot to get the taste of Superman Returns out of our mouths. You know...like maybe Superman could actually punch a bad guy at some point.


-Nobody really knows what the hell is happening with the Wonder Woman project. That makes three of your top characters that need a fresh reboot even though I don't think Batman and Superman need origin stories at this point. You would have to look far and wide for someone who doesn't know that Superman is from another planet and Batman's parents were killed when he was a kid.


-Even after you establish a contained cinematic universe for all these characters (I'd go with a Flash movie to start), it would take amnesia, an alien invasion and Oprah giving away coupons for massage parlor happy endings to make people forget that Green Lantern was easily one of the worse cinematic superhero experiences to occur in the past five years.

I'm not saying it won't ever happen, but it'll be five years at the very least!