The Lois Lane Problem and a Superman Trilogy

So, I was talking to a couple of regular readers about Man of Steel (which I REALLY try not to do because Man of Steel is SO insanely divisive among fans, that I have talked about Man of Steel for long enough to last a lifetime) and one of the elements that seems to garner the biggest love/hate relationship with the audience is Lois Lane. I would argue that Zack Snyder introduces one of the better incarnations of the character. Granted, this one probably gets into twice the trouble of the previous one, but she tells off military officials and shoots evil Kryptonians in the face. That's pretty goddamned fun if you ask me.

But the fundamental flaw in her storyline was finding out that Clark Kent was Superman so quickly. Granted, on one hand, she did pretty much figure out who he was via common fucking sense. ("Maybe if I backtrack through all the times/places someone lifted a steel beam with their bare hands, I might just find this guy.") On the other hand, the dynamic between Clark, Lois and Superman is one of the fundamental elements of the Superman mythology. Lois' relationship to the Clark Kent persona is a reflection of how humanity views the "everyman" in comparison to Superman. People joke all the time about how a Pulitzer Award winning journalist couldn't see past a pair of bifocals, but the joke is one that I believe writers have been more conscious of than most are willing to believe. In the context of this fictional universe, Superman is considered the best, the archetype for what a superhero is. He can move planetary bodies and block bullets. Who would EVER believe that he'd want to pretend he was one of us? The thought is so ridiculous that it eludes Lex Luthor, one of the smartest men in the world. So, it's not unbelievable that it might go over Lois Lane's head.

Honestly, I think it could have been a primary element of a trilogy of movies:

Man of Steel: No forced kissing at the end. My ex and I felt weird cuddling when we found out Amy Winehouse died. I have a hard time believing there's enough adrenaline fueled hornyness between the two of them to have that spark after an entire city has been completely leveled. Keep the Zod plotline (though maybe just a little less Jor-El) except when Lois is searching for the "mystery hero" and ends up in Smallville, have the townspeople (who have blatantly seen Clark's childhood super feats) be comically unhelpful. Give two minute flashbacks for a few people she interviews where they remember that time when "someone" pulled them out of the water, or "that blur" that moved them out of the way of that incoming train. Of course, they kinda know it was Clark, but they'd never betray one of their own. Then show how they're a intricate part of the town's infrastructure and they wouldn't have been able to if it weren't for this well-meaning kid. It's stereotypically midwestern, but it manages to show off one of the things that makes him the hero he is: Superman inspires other people to be their better selves. Even when you're a jerk (maybe Pete Ross or Whitney Fordman in this case). Keep the "welcome to the Planet" ending except show more of Metropolis being rebuilt thanks to Lexcorp. Include a shadowy figure staring out the window at the restoration of the city.

Man of Steel 2 (maybe Man of Tomorrow...I dunno): Clark comes to adore Lois in the traditional way we know, but she is either oblivious or just plain not interested. Eventually, keeping the secret becomes tiresome (include some mildly comic moments of Clark using his power without being noticed) and he starts to wonder if it's time to come clean. Meanwhile, Batman comes into town for a team-up (whether he likes it or not) because Lex Luthor is up to something (a smear campaign about how we can't entrust humanity to "them"....which of course means aliens). Batman will have no doubt deduced that Clark is Superman by the end of the first act and sees him pining for Lois. There's an exchange between them where Bruce tells him that men like himself and Clark, who answer to a "higher purpose", don't have time for distractions like love and that keeping his identity a secret is for the better. Meanwhile, have Lex secretly working alongside Solaris, The Tyrant Sun (it's a good nod to All Star Superman, gives the writers an excuse to use red sun radiation against Superman AND shuts up the fan whining about wanting to see a new villain) to create some kind of "faux" machine that will solve the world's energy problem. At the end, once the day is saved, Clark tries to reveal his identity, but Lois, still oblivious, confesses an epiphany that she's doubtful about Superman being "one of us." Upon hearing this, he keeps his secret. This explores the question of whether or not people knowing who he really is would hurt his ability to inspire humanity to its true greatness.

Man of Steel 3 (I don't have another title for this one): Have Lois try to set Clark up on a date with her sister, Lucy, a slightly wilder soul who is a little more perceptive than she is as far as Clark's "convenient" disappearances go. This would make for a hilarious awkward moment where Clark is trying to explain his way out of having to go save someone. Lucy would see through all the excuses that normally work on Lois. Eventually, Lucy turns away Lois' attempts to get them together because she sees that Clark has loved Lois all this time and is too polite to say so "for some reason."

There's a few good choices for a Big Bad here. Despero, Brainiac, Darkseid (except I would honestly save Darkseid for the first Justice League movie), but I would run with Mongul, bringing his colosseum space station/planetoid, War World, to Earth in search of Earth's Greatest Champion. Superman must fight a gauntlet of alien champions or risk Mongul's superior invasion forces destroying the Earth. During his time on War World, Supes notices that the while the arena itself is a beautifully kept technological advancement like he's never seen before, the citizens outside live in terrible poverty with streets in disrepair (thus highlighting the contrast between Superman, a powerful being of human morals that never lets down the little guy versus Mongul, a powerful despot that ignores the little guy "for the good of the realm" who sees himself alone as "the realm") but looks past it at first because he doesn't want to risk the Earth in a slugfest. Of course, upon Big Blue's victory, Mongul later goes back on his word and attacks the Earth anyway. Fearing he may not come back from this fight, Superman finally tells Lois he's Superman and that he loves her "until the end of time" (another All Star reference) before flying off for a ridiculously epic fistfight with Mongul himself. The battle itself should probably reenact some parts of the Doomsday fight in the comics (without actually using Doomsday because he's the most overused element of Superman mythos except maybe kryptonite). Meanwhile, maybe there can be a scene where we see the military reports detail that there are other costumed heroes fighting Mongul's invasion forces in different parts of the world. Don't show them in full view but allude to the usages of the powers. Show Wonder Woman's lasso pulling a spaceship down into the water, the Bat-plane dogfighting in the sky or green arrows taking out troops on the ground. At the end, give us a post credits scene where Batman beams himself and Superman up to the Watchtower and then shows the Justice League in full view and introduces the Martian Manhunter who says something to the effect of "My name is J'onn J'onzz of Mars and I come with a warning. 'He' is coming."

"He" can be Darkseid. Anyway, this is just a basic outline of one way to makes Superman's identity an ongoing theme, but how to incorporate the Justice League for future movies. I threw a good amount of All Star Superman elements because I feel that, honestly, it's one of the best Superman stories that encompasses everything that makes him who he is. Feel free to discuss, approve and/or reject amongst yourselves. Just saying....the shit could work. Then again, I could be wrong.

Stuff I Read This Week 5/21/14

This week's comic reviews on Black Nerd Problems are up and available for public consumption and enjoyment. This week, I took a look at.....

Batman Eternal #7: The 52 series from some years back really put a bad taste in my mouth about DC doing weekly titles, but this addition to the Bat series has been an impressive showing so far. I will say all of this is going to read much smoother once they get the first story arc into a graphic novel collection. One complaint I had that I left out of my review is that the depiction of Catwoman was a bit exploitative (more than usual) to say the least. The gender politics of mainstream comics as whole have been questionable for a while now but DC strives to raise the bar.

Uncanny X-Men #21: Bendis' take on Marvel characters has always been divisive among fans for some reason I may never figure out, but I have been unquestionably on board for his fresh perspective on the X-franchise. In particular, this is the first time I've actually found Mystique to be an interesting villain probably since that Wolverine story where they knew each other back during the Prohibition era.

Justice League #30: DC is really hitting home runs with their depictions of notable female characters this week. And by "hitting home runs," what I really mean is shitty. Granted, Wonder Woman hasn't exactly been known for her subtlety in recent years, but for fuck's sake, this mostly awesome issue of Justice League paints her to be an unlikable bully. Other than that, I really enjoyed The Self Proclaimed Redemption of Lex Luthor. Granted, we all know this isn't going to last, but Geoff Johns is really good at making villains fun to read. So there's that.

So, I Had An Idea For DC (They Can Have It For Free)....

I realize I might be late to the party on this one (probably a side effect of not previously caring), but I was looking at my usual news sources earlier this week and came across the announcement that Jesse Eisenberg would be playing Lex Luthor in the much discussed Man of Steel sequel, Revenge of the Steel. The internet collectively had an epileptic seizure....a lot like when the story broke that Ben Affleck would be playing Batman. Then there was that hissy fit people threw when Motorcycle Girl from the Fast and Furious movies was casted as Wonder Woman ....and when sources hinted that Doomsday and Nightwing might make an appearance....or when the rumors went out that the Rock MIGHT be playing Green Lantern....or when rumor had it that Denzel Washington MIGHT be playing Green Lantern. Long story short: for a sequel to a movie that was hated just as much as it was loved (I'm in the "love" column, by the way) and hasn't even gone into pre production yet, people have certainly found themselves very emotionally invested with every step of the process.

Then, I wondered to myself about marketing. Now, I am not a promotional genius by any stretch of the imagination, but you know what would be a interesting (though not necessarily good) way to compete with Marvel's "Cineverse"? Since the public pretty much lost its shit at the mere announcement of Batman and Superman being in the same movie together, what if DC just kept doing that? Think about it. Over the years, DC has proven themselves to be a pony of few tricks (depending on how many they can successfully borrow from Marvel in attempts to be them), so it would stand to reason that if their readers are entertained by that set of logistics in their comics, they could get away with doing it with movies as well. They could totally get away with leaking alleged "details" about POSSIBLE casting choices and scripting concepts that may or may not even actually be in play.

And the greatest thing about it would be they wouldn't actually have to commit to any of these ideas because that wouldn't actually be the point. The point would be to get the nerds talking about it. See, the thing about us nerds is that even when we hate stuff, we'll discuss it into the dirt. Seriously, ask any real comic nerd to list all the things they found wrong with Green Lantern. They'll write you a book longer than War and Peace. Even if they were completely indifferent to Green Lantern, you could probably get a ten page essay just on that. That said, if you get the fans talking about the movie, whether they had any initial interest in seeing it in the first place, just start throwing about names and possible plots. We'll all start writing the movie in our heads and deciding whether the movie we just "wrote" sucks or not. And then most of us will go see the movie, but not because we're invested in the characters, but because we want to know whether we're right or wrong. If the movie sucks, it's got our money. If the movie's awesome, it's got our money and then more money from dvd sales and comic tie-ins. In other words, we'll have fallen for the trap.

I'm not sure, but I might be onto something. DC should totally give this a shot.

Stuff I Read This Week Episode 27 or Villains Are People, Too.....

Batman 23.2 (Riddler): Honestly, with the exception of Geoff Johns' Forever Evil, I was ready to let DC's "Villains Month" go by unmarked and I'm actually glad I didn't. After all, the success of dedicating a comic to each of the prominent baddies of the DC universe is entirely dependent upon how interesting they are. And let's face it: DC doesn't have that many interesting bad guys. Then again, I suppose the point of having a month dedicated to villains (aside from trying to siphon money from readers like a beer tap) is to get readers interested in them if they weren't already. Fortunately, this issue of Batman gives us something to smile about unlike the Joker's rather maudlin turn at the spotlight.

The Riddler has always been a difficult character to pin a definitive characterization on because, aside from the whole riddle motif, it's hard to separate his crazy from the rest of Gotham's crazy. But Ray Fawkes (with help from Scott Snyder) manages to construct a man who works according to a planned sort of bedlam, who makes you wonder whether he's crazy....or just a douchebag. Nygma's internal narrative serves as a perfect "behind the scenes" for his riddle laden, one man attack on Wayne Enterprises much like a magician revealing how the thought processes behind his tricks. Here in this issue, we see a Riddler whose small fits of rage are every bit as haunting and entertaining as his premeditation keeping him one step ahead of Bruce Wayne's security. It's also refreshing that not all of his victims are not made to be completely incompetent just to make Nygma look smarter. Jeremy Haun's pencils are a definite enhancement here. Scenes are intimate, neat and obsessed with symmetry in every panel. It's artwork that suits a Big Bad as meticulous as the Riddler. This is completely understands the point of Villains Month and exceeds expectations to become one of the best books this week.

Bottom Line: A story like this that makes you sort of afraid of the Riddler can't help but be a winner. 9.5 out of 10.


Justice League #23.2 (Lobo): I just found out this week that theouthousers.com actually has a counter that keeps track of the number of days since the last time DC Comics did something stupid. Well, the poor bastard intern in charge of updating it can go ahead and get back to work because Dan Didio's brain trust has done it again.

Recently, it was announced that the hulking, chain toting villain we've all known as Lobo was indeed NOT the "real" Lobo. He is, in fact, an imposter that has been trading on the name and style of slimmer, martini drinking killer who looks like Jack from the White Stripes finally won enough Pokemon battles to evolve to his ultimate form. 

Sidenote: I'm sure many of you didn't know that Lobo had been reintroduced in the New 52. This is because DC did a really good job of hiding him where NOBODY will ever find him....in the pages of Stormwatch and Deathstroke. 

Marguerite Bennett is given the task of introducing us to this emo redux of the Main Man and doesn't drop the ball so much as hold the ball and gain no yardage. He didn't seem to do anything terribly badass. He talked tough, got in a fight with a couple of nobodies and that was really about it. By that criteria, he may as well be Chris Brown. Aside from being modeled after a lost member of the street team for 30 Seconds to Mars, there is almost NOTHING new separating the new Lobo from the old Lobo except maybe the fact that this one comes across as completely humorless. The thing people seemed to like about this character in the past is that he's served as DC's version of Deadpool, cracking jokes and breaking the fourth wall. He was fun. However, as we all know, there is NO fun in the New 52 era of DC. Nobody ever smiles. Everything's for the fate of the world...even when it's not. Ben Oliver and Cliff Richards' artwork is probably the one saving grace (not really saving, though) to this catastrophe. Some of the designs for the aliens and spaceships are really inspired. The Lobo we get here is a more muscular step up from the initial concept designs that got released a few weeks ago. But I could have done without so many of tilted panels throughout the book.

Bottom Line: A really good looking 30 page exercise in pointless violence compliments of the new Mickey Rourke version of a perfectly "meh" character. 5 out of 10.

Action Comics 23.2 (Zod): As divisive as Man of Steel was among fans, I am personally thankful for Zak Snyder resurrecting one of my favorite characters from Superman lore. Michael Shannon's portrayal was just as memorable as that of Terrance Stamp and is bound to have some lasting effect on the version we get in the comics to come. The first note of that is in Greg Pak's addition to Villains Month. 

This issue serves as a refreshing (and somewhat chilling) crash course in what led to a child growing up to be Krypton's greatest criminal. Although still human at his core, this is a Zod who wasn't necessarily born bad as fans of the original might come to surmise. This is a guy who seems to feel more comfortable among jungle animals with nothing but a bow and arrow than he does hobnobbing or shaking hands with politicians and dignitaries. One sympathizes. He's a determined, ambitious man who is the product of circumstances and the lessons of his father....not unlike the man who he will, one day, know as his mortal nemesis. Pak's incarnation is right on while never coming across as cartoonish or contrived. Ken Lashley's art mostly fails to disappoint in painting a diverse strange portrait of the outskirts of Krypton. He manages to make Zod's ominous gaze the creepiest part of every panel he's in. Every. Single. Panel. He offers up some truly awesome monster designs and a delightful scene of young Zod found alone surviving in the woods against vicious wildlife reminiscent. the opening scene of Arrow. The only real drawback is that the attention to detail and color suffers slightly from panels, at times, feeling a little too cluttered. Still, considering how strong this issue is, it comes across as a small flaw.

Bottom Line: This is a great primer to prepare readers for what's to come from Greg Pak's run on Action Comics. 9 out of 10.

Stuff I Read This Week Episode 20 or If Only Troy Davis Had A Friend Like Captain America....

Hunger #1: It's unanimous (more or less) that Marvel's Age of Ultron story arc ended in surprisingly (though it shouldn't be) unforgivable manner. Seriously, reading that miniseries was the equivalent of getting halfway through Blade Runner only to have someone come in and put on Transformers 3. Anyway, what's done is done and the best we're left to hope for is that we can get some decent titles from the smoldering wreckage. One interesting thing we were left with was the introduction of 616-Galactus into the Ultimate Universe. This book is a jumpstart to exactly the kind of shake up I've been waiting for in the Ultimate books since, with the exception of Ultimate Spider-Man, the existing books have fallen sort of flat. Joshua Hale Fialkov sees you continuity fiends ready to pounce and wants you to know he hasn't forgotten about Warren Ellis' Ultimate Galactus trilogy from a while back.

In the first issue, we are reintroduced to the Rick Jones (Ultimate Nova), who has been away exploring space to get comfortable with his powers. His back-and-forth with the Watcher serves as a well written vehicle to keep us going through the story not unlike Richard Rider Nova's relationship with the Worldmind computer. Jones comes across every bit as relateable as his current 616 counterpart, Sam Alexander, reluctant at all the wrong moments and impulsive at all the right ones. Leonard Kirk's artwork is the icing on the cake here, laying out an amazing space battle seems to never get boring to look at. I'm convinced that if any other team were working on this, it would suck. That's probably the main reason this is a win in my book. That and the WTF ending. That's all I'm going to say.

Bottom Line: A well done starting point to springboard into the upcoming Cataclysm event. 8.5 out of 10.




Superior Spider Man Team-Up #1: As we trudge on closer to the end of "Superior Spider Sucks Month," Marvel shut a door and opened a window. We had to say goodbye to Christopher Yost's brilliantly written Avenging Spider Man to...well, I'm not going to lie to you, actually. We didn't have to say goodbye to anything. This is essentially the same book. They basically dropped "Avenging" from the title and replaced it with "Superior."

The main difference is that, instead of existing slightly outside of current Spider canon, this issue is up to date with the events of the most recent issue of Superior Spider Man where Doctor Spiderpus is enjoying quite a few victories in winning over the city's hearts. However, the Avengers still aren't terribly happy with the contents of papa's brand new bag and are back for another intervention. Opening up with Webhead's run-ins with the street level status quo in New York was awesome and sort of hilarious to read. Yost knows how to build tension while still keeping it light for a fun read. The fundamental problem with this particular story is that it uses Captain America's bottomless well of clemency. There's no way the Avengers could possibly so stupid as to seriously believe that there's NOTHING amiss about this hard charging, less jovial, know-it-all Sheldon Cooper version of Spider-Man. I mean, for fuck's sake....

"Sure, he's being uncharacteristically dick-ish, but he's probably just going through a rough patch, so leave him be. I mean, Wolverine's a stone cold killer and Spider-Man hasn't done anything nearly that...wait...he DID kill someone? Oh, I'm sure it's fine."

 Also, David Lopez's artwork wasn't really bad, but it was sort of a hit or miss scenario. The first half of the book is beautiful, but it's the second half that's a little off-putting because his style is a little too plain and straightforward and the Avengers should be more exciting to look at. This isn't a perfect way to transition from Avenging, but I was entertained enough to pick up another copy.

Bottom Line: If you liked Avenging Spider Man, you might not be as impressed. If you didn't like Avenging Spider Man, you might find something to like here. Either way, it's the little things that make and/or break this book. 7.5 out of 10.


Justice League Dark #22: DC is has officially entered the halfway point of their obligatory "Holy Shit Something's Happening That We Should All Do Something About" event, Trinity War. Geoff Johns has handed the baton off to Jeff Lemire in a fairly seamless fashion which might not be the biggest plus for this story. Why, you ask? Because it's halftime and I still have no earthly idea what's actually happening.

The best thing I can tell you is that Pandora's Box is out in the open and some people seem to be worried about it....for some reason. It's starting to suffer from one of the primary problems that Avengers vs. X-Men did except there are actually characters here that seems to know what this is all building to and just don't seem to feel like talking about it. It's one thing to build suspense and keep the readers in the dark, but you would think one of these mysterious good guys would make a better effort to try to get all of the other good guys on the same page. Instead, they seem to be completely fine with the various Justice Leagues beating the shit out of each other. The standout moment to look out for here is the awesome exchange between Wonder Woman and John Constantine which helps to showcase Lemire's characterization skills. Mikel Janin's pencils certainly deserve a round of applause as well. All of the action looks clean and deliberate, facial expressions look distinctive on purpose and, with such an enormous cast of characters, it's amazing that there was never a feeling claustrophobia in this issue. This isn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. I'd just like it a lot more if someone could explain it to me.

Bottom Line: This issue makes all three Justice League entertaining enough to watch fighting. I just wish I knew why they were fighting. So far it's less of a superhero comic and more of an old Kaiju monster movie. 7 out of 10.

Justice League Movie: Outlook Not Good

For those of you who've asked me if I think there's going to be a Justice League movie anytime soon..... My Prediction: Maybe, but it won't happen anytime soon. Why, you ask?


-There's a big hole to dig themselves out of. Too many of DC's properties are tied with Warner Brothers in a way that leaves them just the indentured servants, working as consultants and whatnot.


-Even after they find a way out of that, they still have to start tying these characters together. Even if Christopher Nolan and Christian Bale wanted to do more Batman (which they don't), it's very unlikely that his gritty, semi-realistic style of storytelling would gel well enough that his Batman could exist in a larger superpowered community. Then again, Hawkeye exists in the Avengers, so you never know.


-The Superman franchise is still looking for forgivness. Don't get me wrong. I have complete faith in Zak Snyder's directing skills (despite wack ass Sucker Punch), but it's going to take a lot to get the taste of Superman Returns out of our mouths. You know...like maybe Superman could actually punch a bad guy at some point.


-Nobody really knows what the hell is happening with the Wonder Woman project. That makes three of your top characters that need a fresh reboot even though I don't think Batman and Superman need origin stories at this point. You would have to look far and wide for someone who doesn't know that Superman is from another planet and Batman's parents were killed when he was a kid.


-Even after you establish a contained cinematic universe for all these characters (I'd go with a Flash movie to start), it would take amnesia, an alien invasion and Oprah giving away coupons for massage parlor happy endings to make people forget that Green Lantern was easily one of the worse cinematic superhero experiences to occur in the past five years.

I'm not saying it won't ever happen, but it'll be five years at the very least!