Stuff I Read This Week Episode 29 or It Was Inevitable That Sheldon Cooper Would Become A Comic Character....

Superior Spider Man #19: Despite my numerous declarations that Superior Spider-Man sucks, I have to hand it to Dan Slott. The past few issues have been particularly awesome. The best thing Slott could do with this book is take a break from focusing on Doctor Spiderpus' champion level douchebaggery and do something heroic. The second best thing he could have done was resurrect Michael O'Mara, the 2099 Spider-Man for a good old showdown.

Having said that, it wasn't much of a showdown. In fact, you would think these two would have had much more to talk about even if it was in the middle of all time and space becoming unraveled (or whatever the actual conflict was in this story). Also, being from the future, why doesn't Future Spider-Man know that Peter Parker isn't really Peter Parker if all of this has already happened? In fact, the whole resolution to this time crisis seemed a bit anti-climatic, essentially giving Doctor Octopus another stage where he can call everyone inferior. The spiel has gone from Spider-Man being a weird mix of Batman and Sheldon Cooper to just outright being Doctor Doom in a different outfit. There are a couple of scenes where Spider-Man declares his unrivaled intellect and it just leaves you groaning "Oh, for fuck's sake, man." The great thing about Spider-Man has always been that he's semi-relatable and, despite him being a flawed character, you could see yourself having a beer with the guy. If you knew someone like Doctor Spiderpus in real life, you'd have pushed him down a flight of stairs or eaten the lo mein he kept in the fridge at work. I understand that Tony Stark and Spider Jerusalem prove there's a market for charming, douchebag do-gooders, but I don't see the point in reading about an unlovable hero whose day-saving seems completely incidental compared to him "bwahaha"ing all over the place.

Ryan Stegman's artwork is definitely something to marvel at (no pun intended). Although his rendering of "chronotons" screwing up time and space (I guess that's what was happening) make some of the panels feel a bit claustrophobic unnecessarily, he has a style that's just perfect for the 2099 environment. It actually makes you feel like maybe there could be an opportunity here to resurrect the old Spider-Man 2099. This story arc has been impressive and it could ended that way if Slott hadn't seen fit to cop out and once again leave the moral of the story being "Because I'm Spider-Man, bitch."

Bottom Line: I honestly thought there were enough unlovable jackasses on The Walking Dead that we didn't need to read about one in a Spider-Man comic. Sadly, I was mistaken. 7 out of 10.

Avengers #21: It's a fortunate thing that the Infinity event is coming closer to its end because there's only so many ways I can say "Goddamn, this is good shit!" Jonathan Hickman very clearly has a great appreciation for the sandbox of a universe he's been given to play in and it radiates off of every page whether it's a victory for the villains or a loss for the heroes.

This issue mainly deals with the aftermath of Thor's bold stand against the Builders and the liberation of Hala, the Kree homeworld. There are definitely things to like about how Hickman has handled this. For one thing, despite the fact that it's usually enjoyable to see the reverence alien civilizations show towards Captain America, I found it a nice change a page to focus on a character whose general opinion was "You know, that was kind of a dick move." Another great thing about this issue is the return of Captain Universe to the battlefield in a semi spectacular fashion. Some people don't like that there wasn't much of the actual Avengers in this issue, but I actually appreciate that. A theme that Infinity highlights well is that Earth and, by extension, the Avengers are not the center of the universe and when they are, it's usually not in a good way (this means you, Kanye West). There are characters in the galactic Marvel U who believe that Earth is the Wild West of space and will eventually lead to the whole of creation being wiped out probably by accident and that deserves some exploration, too. Also, there are too many non-Avengers that play a role in this story to not highlight them.

To the surprise of absolutely NOBODY, Lenil Francis Yu's artwork hits all the right marks here. The real treat here was the scene in which (minor spoiler...sorry) the Alliance lets loose the Annihilation Wave... goddamned Annihilation Wave upon an almost victorious Builder fleet.  You have to appreciate Yu's penchant for crafting a good "holy shit" moment.

Bottom Line: If you want an Avenger focused book, it might feel out of place, but this is still really good sci-fi storytelling. 8 out of 10.

Stuff I Read This Week Episode 28 or Maybe DC Will Give Kanye and Kim A Comic.....

Batman #24: As much as I disliked the idea of yet another origin story for Batman (as if there haven't been plenty already), Scott Snyder has managed to breathe new life into the Dark Knight's beginnings, giving us a much different Bruce Wayne than we're used to. Over the years, we've grown used to a young man who wasn't terribly youthful in the wake of his parents' death. Zero Year gives us an brash, impulsive hero who is far less premeditated than the once we've come to know. What Daniel Craig and Casino Royale did for the James Bond mythos is what Snyder has done for Batman here.

This issue (mostly) wraps up the threads of the first story arc that has been mainly dedicated to Batman's one man war against the Red Hood Gang. Some reviewers haven't liked Red Hood One as an opening foil for young Batman, but I think he's created the perfect dichotomy for the kind of reimagined origins Snyder wants to convey. A villain who seems to have the entire city under control through merciless resolve and meticulous plotting is the perfect challenge for a young, headstrong vigilante fighting like he has nothing to lose. At the same time, we also see Bruce learning the importance of creating a larger than life legend around his alter ego, something for cowardly and superstitious criminals to remember in the years to come.

Greg Capullo's pencils and Danny Miki's inking do not disappoint. Here we see a Gotham that resembles a flourishing city built on old money that hasn't quite had the chance to descend into madness just yet. The action scenes do a masterful job of lending themselves to the beginnings of a character creating a myth around himself. In the final ten pages, we also see a changing of the artistic guard with Rafael Albuquerque taking the helm on pencils, delivering a drastic but logical visual shift. The eerie, shady tones suit the change in narrative since we see a Gotham whose innocence is lost. In the birth of the Batman legend and the revelation of the necessity for Batman, there's no turning back for the people of the city. It's still a bit of a mystery what the end game of Zero Year is, but if we get more of what we've gotten so far, I'm in.

Bottom Line: A kinetic, exciting finish to an immensely fun story arc. 9 out of 10.

Infinity #4: We're past the halfway point of Marvel's big crossover and here in the fourth issue (of six), we finally see a turning point of sorts for our heroes. After four issues of the Avengers, the Galactic Council and Black Bolt barely holding their own against the seemingly insurmountable Builders and the mad titan Thanos, surviving through Trojan Horse scenarios and retreats, it's a welcome change of pace to see them (two characters in particular) making definitive stands, drawing lines in the proverbial sand in the fight for Earth. We also finally get a brief insight into the motivations behind the Builders' campaign through the universe. It's not quite as satisfying as what we've come to expect from Jonathan Hickman, but it serves as a decent enough explanation to keep us reading until their goals (I'm assuming) unify with those of Thanos. Also, without spoiling anything for you, this week in awesome.....Thor. I'm just going to leave that there. This issue does a much better job in offering a more comprehensive chapter that doesn't seem to need tie-ins as a supplement. HOWEVER, as I've said before, if you're not reading the corresponding issues of Avengers and New Avengers, you are missing out on some quality goddamned superheroing. After the revealed fallout of Black Bolt's actions in issue three, it's going to be interesting to see a). where New Avengers goes from here and b). the ramifications throughout the Marvel Universe as a whole.

The artwork here is still as strong as it's been throughout the series. Dustin Weaver and Jerome Opena are still delivering quality work on their respective fronts (Opena does the scenes in space while Weaver handles those that take place on Earth). Although the scenes in the hidden Inhuman city are gorgeous, the real standout treat here is how Opena depicts Thor's defining moment so far in the event. If your jaw isn't on the floor when you see one of the final pages, you don't love comics.

Bottom Line: The respective threats on Earth and in space shouldn't feel so divorced this late in the game, but still....Jonathan Goddamn Hickman strikes again. 8.5 out of 10

Superman/Wonder Woman #1: Superman and Wonder Woman being a power couple in the DC Universe is one of the most half-assed, unnecessary publicity stunts DC has ever pulled. And considering the fact that they've completely rebooted their universe at least three times now, that's saying something. There's no real point because, from what I can tell, NOBODY cares. I dare you to name three people you know that bought the issue of Justice League specifically because they heard the news that these two heroes were going to hook up. DC has gone from assuming that all of their readers are perverted 40 year old men to assuming that they're all tweens who read the Vampire Diaries.

So, of course, in the fallout of their biggest non-event, they have to squeeze a spinoff out of it the way television does everytime a Kardashian does something (or someone) else nobody cares about. Sure, there's a handful of action involving a villain that hasn't done anything of real mention since the 90s, but you have to first sit through Wonder Woman having girl talk about what a wet blanket Superman is and Clark Kent playing Bloggerman. Then, there's Clark and Diana having a date. The prevailing problem here is obvious. There is NO CHEMISTRY between these two to speak of. Their date even feels like two celebrities having lunch together as a publicity stunt very much like Kim Kardashian's month long marriage. Charles Soule is great with character development and building the contrasts between the two of them, but the whole thing is so clearly a force-fed stunt for visibility, Ryan Seacrest may as well be standing off in the distance on a red carpet asking them who they're wearing.

On the plus side, artist Tony Daniel's work looks fantastic. With the sort of costume he wears, the color palette and the size of him, Superman tends to dominate the panels they share, but Daniel draws a damn good looking Wonder Woman who occupies the happy medium between warrior and royalty. He manages to make her look like Superman's equal while still maintaining a very feminine look for her. My main complaint is the costume. For the most part, it looks really good, but why is she in HEELS again??? With the fighting she does in this issue, it just feels awkward and out of place.

Bottom Line: Despite being a good looking book, it doesn't do a very good job in dwarfing how unnecessary this hookup and, ultimately, this title actually are. 6 out of 10.

Why Superior Spider-Man Doesn't Work.....

For you to understand my take on Superior Spider Man, I have explain a thing or two about Breaking Bad and Batman.

Recently, Damon Lindelof wrote an essay for Vulture (that, due to spoilers, I couldn't read all of) in which he compared the transformation of Walter White's Heisenberg to Bruce Wayne's becoming Batman. He points out that while Walt's circumstances were certainly a factor in his evolution to a meth peddling mastermind, it wasn't really the cause. He was ALWAYS Heisenberg. Yeah, some guy in an alley orphaned Bruce Wayne and essentially robbed of his innocence at eight years old, but there are a LOT of people who lose their parents to gun violence. There are also a lot of people who contract cancer and can't pay for treatments. They don't dress like bats or resort to cooking illegal substances in an RV. Lindelof submits that these characters are special because their circumstances awaken something that's already inside of them, that their environment isn't the cause. It's the catalyst. The argument could be made that this is what we love about them. Regular shit that happens to plenty of people happened to them and they do something about it that everyday people simply don't have the balls to do.

After showing the essay to a friend of mine who is a Batman fan, she pointed out, "Yeah, but couldn't you say that about all heroes?" You could say that about most heroes, but not necessarily Peter Parker. Circumstances played a bigger part than people realize. His true transformation was more earned in a way. He had to learn how not to be a dick by being sort of a dick. He started out a mostly decent guy who people sort of marginalized and shitted on in high school. He got bitten by a radioactive spider and was improved physically.

Spider Man went on to take up a career as a television star to make money and then came the moment when he let a crook get away because...."Fuck him. Not my problem." This is kind of a dick move by any standards, really. Then, it turns out that same guy shot and killed his uncle. Granted, I'm sure more than a few kids screw up and inadvertently get someone they love hurt, but none of them had superpowers when they did it. Essentially, Peter was a good kid, got superpowers, was seduced by personal gain, failed and THEN became Spider Man. Now, this isn't necessarily a trope that has never been explored before, but it is the crux of why Spider Man works so well. He is the result of above average virtue through "everyman failure." Incidently, this is a big part of why Otto Octavius' "Superior" Spider-Man is so divisive among fans (myself included).

I should say, before going any further, that this is probably one of the most ambitious and gutsy moves Marvel has made in years. I mean....they killed Peter Parker. They didn't zap him back in time. They didn't send him off to the edge of the universe trapped inside a giant space bullet. They didn't ambiguously kill him using a crazy mutant's chaos magic so that he may or may not have really died. They killed him. It was one of the few moments in recent times I can remember a comic depicting a top tier hero's death rattle. And then, when the brain waves/ghostof/whatever came back to haunt Otto in an attempt to get his body back, they killed him indefinitely....again.

When his turn at being the web-slinger starts, Doctor Octopus has the best of intentions in carrying on Spider-Man's legacy, protecting his loved ones and a better hero than Peter was. This didn't last very long at all. First, to plant the initial seeds for his narcissism, he refurbishes his trademark "Octobots" into "Spiderbots" that survey the city for danger and alert Otto immediately via phone app. As cool (and sensible) as that is in theory, this is also sort of a dick move in a symbolic kind of way. Most apps, by nature, are tools designed for convenience, mainly making urgency an option for phone/tablet users. For example, there is a setting for the news app on my phone that alerts me to breaking stories as they occur. If there's a shooting in Bummerville, Middle America somewhere, I have the option of picking up my phone to know about it or putting it down and saying "It can wait." It's okay for ME to have that option because it's not my responsibility to go to Bummerville and stop the shooting. Spider Man shouldn't have the option of not going to fix shit. The whole point of a superhero is that urgency shouldn't ever be optional.

Nope. He went on to toss an old man (okay, yeah, it was the Vulture, but still) into a floodlight, shoot a defeated criminal in cold blood and beat up parkour thieves on YouTube. You would think he would pay some sort of price for this (someone important dying on his watch, losing his job, etc.) in keeping with the theme of power and responsibility. Nope. In fact, aside from a light tap on the wrist from the Avengers, Doctor Spiderpus faces little or no consequences for any of the douchebag things he does. He's rewarded with a grateful New York City (something Peter rarely had on his best day), a new girlfriend, a hollowed out prison as his public base of operations, his own private army and a giant spider mecha. I'm not kidding about that last part either. He has a giant robot. It could be argued that Otto is less on a crusade for justice and more looking to redeem his failed life through the same acts of arrogance and vanity that cloaked him in failure to begin with which isn't exactly the most heroic, altruistic or even likable of goals.

Batman has undergone some odd changes over the years, but a Batman fan opens up a Batman book and pretty much knows what their getting: a traumatized, paranoid obsessive zillionaire puts the fear of God into bad guys and plays the resident "Stop being a pussy" guy in the Justice League occasionally. People who read a Superman book know they're probably going to either get a superpowered slugfest or Superman talking suicide jumpers down off of ledges with hope and change. The theme of Spider-Man has gone from "with great power comes great responsibility" to "being a douchebag works." That works for Iron Man or the Punisher, but a change like that in a character like this is tantamount to Kanye West going from songs about working at the Gap to albums mainly about popping ecstasy pills and casual sex. Is that what Spidey readers of any age sign up for?

One of those parkour thieves he beat half
to death is a woman, by the way.
Real American Hero.

One can't help but feel this is indicative of Marvel giving into what Craig Lindsey referred to in another rogerebert.com essay as "jerk culture." This usually entails a book or movie entirely about intensely unlikable people you would probably not hold the elevator for in real life like the entire cast of The Hangover. And this is, more or less, why Spider-Man has fallen from grace for many readers. It's not that it's impossible to create good stories centered around repugnant assholes. Breaking Bad, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia and Seinfeld show that to be untrue. And I'm certain there are those who will use the argument that comics are an escape fantasy, so it's okay to live vicariously through heroes even when they're jerks, but to quote Lindsey, "We can be a crass, selfish, inhuman society sometimes." Maybe...just maybe...we could stand an escape from that, too.