Stuff I Read This Week Episode 29 or It Was Inevitable That Sheldon Cooper Would Become A Comic Character....

Superior Spider Man #19: Despite my numerous declarations that Superior Spider-Man sucks, I have to hand it to Dan Slott. The past few issues have been particularly awesome. The best thing Slott could do with this book is take a break from focusing on Doctor Spiderpus' champion level douchebaggery and do something heroic. The second best thing he could have done was resurrect Michael O'Mara, the 2099 Spider-Man for a good old showdown.

Having said that, it wasn't much of a showdown. In fact, you would think these two would have had much more to talk about even if it was in the middle of all time and space becoming unraveled (or whatever the actual conflict was in this story). Also, being from the future, why doesn't Future Spider-Man know that Peter Parker isn't really Peter Parker if all of this has already happened? In fact, the whole resolution to this time crisis seemed a bit anti-climatic, essentially giving Doctor Octopus another stage where he can call everyone inferior. The spiel has gone from Spider-Man being a weird mix of Batman and Sheldon Cooper to just outright being Doctor Doom in a different outfit. There are a couple of scenes where Spider-Man declares his unrivaled intellect and it just leaves you groaning "Oh, for fuck's sake, man." The great thing about Spider-Man has always been that he's semi-relatable and, despite him being a flawed character, you could see yourself having a beer with the guy. If you knew someone like Doctor Spiderpus in real life, you'd have pushed him down a flight of stairs or eaten the lo mein he kept in the fridge at work. I understand that Tony Stark and Spider Jerusalem prove there's a market for charming, douchebag do-gooders, but I don't see the point in reading about an unlovable hero whose day-saving seems completely incidental compared to him "bwahaha"ing all over the place.

Ryan Stegman's artwork is definitely something to marvel at (no pun intended). Although his rendering of "chronotons" screwing up time and space (I guess that's what was happening) make some of the panels feel a bit claustrophobic unnecessarily, he has a style that's just perfect for the 2099 environment. It actually makes you feel like maybe there could be an opportunity here to resurrect the old Spider-Man 2099. This story arc has been impressive and it could ended that way if Slott hadn't seen fit to cop out and once again leave the moral of the story being "Because I'm Spider-Man, bitch."

Bottom Line: I honestly thought there were enough unlovable jackasses on The Walking Dead that we didn't need to read about one in a Spider-Man comic. Sadly, I was mistaken. 7 out of 10.

Avengers #21: It's a fortunate thing that the Infinity event is coming closer to its end because there's only so many ways I can say "Goddamn, this is good shit!" Jonathan Hickman very clearly has a great appreciation for the sandbox of a universe he's been given to play in and it radiates off of every page whether it's a victory for the villains or a loss for the heroes.

This issue mainly deals with the aftermath of Thor's bold stand against the Builders and the liberation of Hala, the Kree homeworld. There are definitely things to like about how Hickman has handled this. For one thing, despite the fact that it's usually enjoyable to see the reverence alien civilizations show towards Captain America, I found it a nice change a page to focus on a character whose general opinion was "You know, that was kind of a dick move." Another great thing about this issue is the return of Captain Universe to the battlefield in a semi spectacular fashion. Some people don't like that there wasn't much of the actual Avengers in this issue, but I actually appreciate that. A theme that Infinity highlights well is that Earth and, by extension, the Avengers are not the center of the universe and when they are, it's usually not in a good way (this means you, Kanye West). There are characters in the galactic Marvel U who believe that Earth is the Wild West of space and will eventually lead to the whole of creation being wiped out probably by accident and that deserves some exploration, too. Also, there are too many non-Avengers that play a role in this story to not highlight them.

To the surprise of absolutely NOBODY, Lenil Francis Yu's artwork hits all the right marks here. The real treat here was the scene in which (minor spoiler...sorry) the Alliance lets loose the Annihilation Wave... goddamned Annihilation Wave upon an almost victorious Builder fleet.  You have to appreciate Yu's penchant for crafting a good "holy shit" moment.

Bottom Line: If you want an Avenger focused book, it might feel out of place, but this is still really good sci-fi storytelling. 8 out of 10.

Why Superior Spider-Man Doesn't Work.....

For you to understand my take on Superior Spider Man, I have explain a thing or two about Breaking Bad and Batman.

Recently, Damon Lindelof wrote an essay for Vulture (that, due to spoilers, I couldn't read all of) in which he compared the transformation of Walter White's Heisenberg to Bruce Wayne's becoming Batman. He points out that while Walt's circumstances were certainly a factor in his evolution to a meth peddling mastermind, it wasn't really the cause. He was ALWAYS Heisenberg. Yeah, some guy in an alley orphaned Bruce Wayne and essentially robbed of his innocence at eight years old, but there are a LOT of people who lose their parents to gun violence. There are also a lot of people who contract cancer and can't pay for treatments. They don't dress like bats or resort to cooking illegal substances in an RV. Lindelof submits that these characters are special because their circumstances awaken something that's already inside of them, that their environment isn't the cause. It's the catalyst. The argument could be made that this is what we love about them. Regular shit that happens to plenty of people happened to them and they do something about it that everyday people simply don't have the balls to do.

After showing the essay to a friend of mine who is a Batman fan, she pointed out, "Yeah, but couldn't you say that about all heroes?" You could say that about most heroes, but not necessarily Peter Parker. Circumstances played a bigger part than people realize. His true transformation was more earned in a way. He had to learn how not to be a dick by being sort of a dick. He started out a mostly decent guy who people sort of marginalized and shitted on in high school. He got bitten by a radioactive spider and was improved physically.

Spider Man went on to take up a career as a television star to make money and then came the moment when he let a crook get away because...."Fuck him. Not my problem." This is kind of a dick move by any standards, really. Then, it turns out that same guy shot and killed his uncle. Granted, I'm sure more than a few kids screw up and inadvertently get someone they love hurt, but none of them had superpowers when they did it. Essentially, Peter was a good kid, got superpowers, was seduced by personal gain, failed and THEN became Spider Man. Now, this isn't necessarily a trope that has never been explored before, but it is the crux of why Spider Man works so well. He is the result of above average virtue through "everyman failure." Incidently, this is a big part of why Otto Octavius' "Superior" Spider-Man is so divisive among fans (myself included).

I should say, before going any further, that this is probably one of the most ambitious and gutsy moves Marvel has made in years. I mean....they killed Peter Parker. They didn't zap him back in time. They didn't send him off to the edge of the universe trapped inside a giant space bullet. They didn't ambiguously kill him using a crazy mutant's chaos magic so that he may or may not have really died. They killed him. It was one of the few moments in recent times I can remember a comic depicting a top tier hero's death rattle. And then, when the brain waves/ghostof/whatever came back to haunt Otto in an attempt to get his body back, they killed him indefinitely....again.

When his turn at being the web-slinger starts, Doctor Octopus has the best of intentions in carrying on Spider-Man's legacy, protecting his loved ones and a better hero than Peter was. This didn't last very long at all. First, to plant the initial seeds for his narcissism, he refurbishes his trademark "Octobots" into "Spiderbots" that survey the city for danger and alert Otto immediately via phone app. As cool (and sensible) as that is in theory, this is also sort of a dick move in a symbolic kind of way. Most apps, by nature, are tools designed for convenience, mainly making urgency an option for phone/tablet users. For example, there is a setting for the news app on my phone that alerts me to breaking stories as they occur. If there's a shooting in Bummerville, Middle America somewhere, I have the option of picking up my phone to know about it or putting it down and saying "It can wait." It's okay for ME to have that option because it's not my responsibility to go to Bummerville and stop the shooting. Spider Man shouldn't have the option of not going to fix shit. The whole point of a superhero is that urgency shouldn't ever be optional.

Nope. He went on to toss an old man (okay, yeah, it was the Vulture, but still) into a floodlight, shoot a defeated criminal in cold blood and beat up parkour thieves on YouTube. You would think he would pay some sort of price for this (someone important dying on his watch, losing his job, etc.) in keeping with the theme of power and responsibility. Nope. In fact, aside from a light tap on the wrist from the Avengers, Doctor Spiderpus faces little or no consequences for any of the douchebag things he does. He's rewarded with a grateful New York City (something Peter rarely had on his best day), a new girlfriend, a hollowed out prison as his public base of operations, his own private army and a giant spider mecha. I'm not kidding about that last part either. He has a giant robot. It could be argued that Otto is less on a crusade for justice and more looking to redeem his failed life through the same acts of arrogance and vanity that cloaked him in failure to begin with which isn't exactly the most heroic, altruistic or even likable of goals.

Batman has undergone some odd changes over the years, but a Batman fan opens up a Batman book and pretty much knows what their getting: a traumatized, paranoid obsessive zillionaire puts the fear of God into bad guys and plays the resident "Stop being a pussy" guy in the Justice League occasionally. People who read a Superman book know they're probably going to either get a superpowered slugfest or Superman talking suicide jumpers down off of ledges with hope and change. The theme of Spider-Man has gone from "with great power comes great responsibility" to "being a douchebag works." That works for Iron Man or the Punisher, but a change like that in a character like this is tantamount to Kanye West going from songs about working at the Gap to albums mainly about popping ecstasy pills and casual sex. Is that what Spidey readers of any age sign up for?

One of those parkour thieves he beat half
to death is a woman, by the way.
Real American Hero.

One can't help but feel this is indicative of Marvel giving into what Craig Lindsey referred to in another rogerebert.com essay as "jerk culture." This usually entails a book or movie entirely about intensely unlikable people you would probably not hold the elevator for in real life like the entire cast of The Hangover. And this is, more or less, why Spider-Man has fallen from grace for many readers. It's not that it's impossible to create good stories centered around repugnant assholes. Breaking Bad, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia and Seinfeld show that to be untrue. And I'm certain there are those who will use the argument that comics are an escape fantasy, so it's okay to live vicariously through heroes even when they're jerks, but to quote Lindsey, "We can be a crass, selfish, inhuman society sometimes." Maybe...just maybe...we could stand an escape from that, too.

Stuff I Read This Week Episode 18 or Why Hasn't Apple Thought Up an Evil Version of Siri?

Superior Foes of Spider-Man #1: Okay, let me just start off by saying that I think the idea of a "Superior Spider Month" is ultimately a futile, redundant venture. Essentially, it asks us to pretend that Spider-Man (although he is a character I truly love) isn't already shoved down our throats on, more or less, every front. If Marvel characters were real people, I suspect Spider Man would locked in a sweatshop autographing action figure packages alongside Wolverine and Iron Man. EVERY month is Spider Month. And it's gotten even worse now that Peter Parker has seemingly been discarded altogether in exchange for his nemesis, Doctor Octopus. Superior Spider Man, despite some genuinely funny moments and great artwork, has limped on along its ever fraying tightrope of mediocrity, trying to convince us that Doctor Octopus in a Spider Man costume is...well...Batman. With this change is status quo being as polarizing among fans as its been, this marketing ploy just screams "Oh, come on! Remember how much you love all things Spider-y. Please. Pretty please" as if Marvel is a junkie caught in the act, offering sexual enslavement in exchange for silence.



Having said that, Superior Foes of Spider-Man is actually a good idea and, in an even more shocking twist, a well executed book. DC did something similar to this a few years back with Secret Six, basically chronicling a super-villain team working together for....umm...something. It turned out to be a really big hit and Marvel has tried to recreate the magic there a couple of times with Thunderbolts (at least when Warren Ellis was writing it) and Dark Avengers (Brian Bendis leaving that book was like the Comic Curse of the Bambino).

Now, they're taking a very promising swing for the fences with this story about a team of Z-list baddies having a go at being the next Sinister Six...even though there's only five of them. But thus far, it doesn't seem to be an all-out antihero adventure so much a comical yet sad look at a Bad News Bears type group of lowlifes trying to get out of their own ways. Think Matt Fraction's Hawkeye, but for villains. There's no real superpowered showdowns here and more hare brained caper bumbling not unlike that of Jesse Pinkman from Breaking Bad. This issue, in particular, focuses heavily on narrative from the perspective of Boomerang as he tries to get by while cooling his heels in jail. We don't enough fleshing out of his teammates, but given the formula of the inaugural issue, there's hope that each member of the group will be given his or her time in the sun individually.

Speaking of parallels to Hawkeye, Steve Lieber, who did pencils on a particularly awesome previous issue of Matt Fraction's Eisner nominated masterpiece, breathes a similar life into Superior Foes. Lieber is every bit as effective as David Aja at a clean but easily accessible approach to the "sucks to be me" formula that makes both books as strong as they are. It's kinda early judge whether or not this book is as awesome as Hawkeye or Secret Six, but so far so good.

Bottom Line: Funny, charming, cleanly drawn....it's a lot like Hawkeye. That's a good thing. And thank God there's not much of Doctor Spiderpus in it. 8.5 out of 10.

Avengers A.I. #1: First things first....Age of Ultron ended on a "what the fuck" type of note and not in a good "Is that the ending to the Sopranos or is there something wrong with the cable" kind of way. It was more of a "I can't believe I let M. Night Shyamalan pull this sorry shit on me again" kind of way. Essentially, acting as a newsletter for what titles and characters Marvel was going to shoehorn into our longboxes, Age of Ultron ended up doing the exact same shitty thing DC Comics did with Flashpoint except it did it while raising the bar for shittyness. I think if DC holds the book to their ears, they'll hear the sound of Marvel execs singing "Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better."
However, if you look close enough, you can find a strawberry in every shit sandwich. So far, Avengers A.I. is lobbying to be that strawberry. Every few years, Henry "I'm a Superhero Who Created a Genocidal Robot and Still Gets to Keep My Job" Pym decides to pick himself up and do something to make up for nearly inadvertently eradicating humanity via the evil iPhone 4 known as Ultron or, in this case, the computer virus that killed Ultron...I think. This time, he's assembled a team of tech-oriented Avengers to fight perversions of technological advancement. Hopefully, we'll see an issue where they take on Windows Vista, T-Pain and Kanye's 808's and Heartbreaks album.

Sam Humphries offers us a fun look at Henry Pym as an adventurous, cocky douchebag scientist whose history of cocky douchebaggery is often stuck in the shadow of Tony Stark's (I'm just saying....read Civil War...hard to get more dickish than that). To the book's credit, it doesn't waste too much time getting the band together and getting right to brass tacks.

There are a few standout elements here storywise. The first is Monica Chang, who some of you will remember from the Ultimate Comics universe as Nick Fury's nigh-psychotic ex wife. This 616-continuity version doesn't seem to have that same baggage here, as far as we can tell and is all set up to be as cast-iron tough as Maria Hill. Also, there are some awesome reworkings of the Vision's powers here that make the action really fun to look at, almost like the Martian Manhunter meets Inspector Gadget. My personal favorite part of this team, however, is the Doombot. Seriously, a repurposed mechanical minion of Doctor Doom fighting for good, berating his team every step of the way....how could that possibly be anything short is hilarious? And Andre Lima Araujo's artwork does a good job of lending itself to Humpries' lighter atmosphere where the stakes aren't quite as "fate of the universe" as other titles in the franchise like New Avengers. Whether that works for the book or against it is yet to be seen, but it's a promising start.


Bottom Line: It has all the right working parts, but it's too early to call it a slam dunk. Pretty good. 8 out of 10.