All Men Must (And Probably Will) Die

Okay, guys...so, this post is mainly about the first episode of Game of Thrones. I have a feeling I'll be writing a LOT about Thrones considering that I have an unhealthy obsession with this show and these last two seasons are going to be pivotal. Anyway, there are HUGE spoilers after the jump. Just so you know. Big spoilers after the jump. That's twice I warned you about spoilers after the jump. Three times, now.

Whole squad decked out in that Maleficent spring line.

My GAWD, Shame On Me For Not Talking About Westworld

Originally, I was going to do a post about the current state of The Walking Dead, but there’s probably nothing new I can add to that conversation other than the fact that this season is probably the most divisive I’ve ever seen among fans. 

Then, I was going to do a post outlining each part of the yearly Arrowverse crossover which now includes four separate shows, two and a half of which are particularly terrible. However, I could only sit through two episodes and it doesn’t feel right railing on a story when it’s entirely feasible (but probably not) that the conclusion featured in Legends of Tomorrow could have turned things around and made this event tolerable. So we’ll mark that as “to be continued.” 

Then I was going to update you about how Civil War II is going, but I don’t think anyone will be surprised to know that it’s still pimpled butt cheeks. The past three issues have been going over the same three points over and over: 1). Captain Marvel is strong and wrong; 2). The young heroes are sick of the old heroes and their shit and 3). Spider Man really doesn’t want to go to jail. So yeah, still awful.

And then I realized that while I’ve been looking one way, HBO’s sci-fi mind bender, Westworld has been low key becoming the best show on television. It hits all the obligatory markers of an HBO show….obscene budget, brilliant A list casting, first class writing. Clearly, the network is aiming for this to be the successor to the crown currently occupied by Game of Thrones which is officially on its way out. But the show goes a little further than that, ambitiously reaching past the story’s roots from the Michael Crichton movie. 

There are spoilers after this point. They are really MINOR spoilers but I'm still obligated (by the fact that I don't want to hear whining about spoilers) to tell you that there are spoilers after the jump. That's four times I've mentioned spoilers. Five now. So I don't want to hear any bullshit about it.

Night of the Awful Slavery/Zombie Episode.....

So, you’ll notice one comic related show I never talk about is Legends of Tomorrow. It’s not because I don’t find time to watch it or because I ration out my television time among select shows. It’s because, last I checked, Legends of Tomorrow was a generally terrible show. Of all the shows that make up CW’s Arrowverse, Legends is the one that most resembles Fox’s approach towards the X-Men movies. Take a few fan favorite characters, some good looking actors, a nerdy premise, shake well and the result is….well...a fucking mess.

For those of you that had the good sense to skip the show up to now, there are people out there fucking up space and time for various and sometimes, undefined reasons. So, the Doctor Rip Hunter went against the wishes of the Time Masters Lords came to the present day to ask Oliver Queen and Barry Allen to vouch for him so he could recruit a team of misfits including Firestorm, Heatwave and Not Quite Tony Stark the Atom. They call themselves the Legends (despite this being among the silliest team names of all time). So, this is the part where I go into a recap of the worst episode of anything I've watched in at least the past two months. There are spoilers, so if you're brave enough to still watch this horseshit after said recap, just know that there are spoilers after the jump.

Update: Arrow is Still Trash

Since I haven’t done a post in a while, I might as well check back in with comic based television. I know I said I was done with Arrow last season, but after seeing the trailer for the new season, I got curious as to where they were headed. The result is my first real hate-watch since Smallville. I mean….there are just so many bad things taking place, but the small handful of good things keep me interested in how they’re going to maintain them.

First off, I talked about this before but the whole thing with Oliver Queen maybe/maybe not doing murder is just getting silly. The whole point of a superhero is that they stand on a very basic code of morals, whatever that code may be. It’s hard to know if you’re the kind of superhero these people want to stand behind if that code is changing from season to season. If the writers are going to be so deadset on modeling the Green Arrow after Batman, he’s gotta be less indecisive than that.

And this whole Arrow Academy storyline wavers between “trash” and “kinda tolerable fan service.” And the main problem isn’t that the new team is garbage (although the new team IS garbage); it’s that the only reason there’s a new team is because the writers realized they’ve written all of the old team into a corner. Diggle has fallen so far from awesomeness, he had to run off to the Army just to have a sense of identity. A SUPERHERO had to quit superheroing and rejoin the Army just to feel like somebody. That’s a problem. Meanwhile, Ollie’s sister, Thea has quit being Speedy/Red Arrow to join her brother in politics just to have a credible storyline that isn’t focused on either a). her daddy issues or b). her consistently terrible choices in boyfriends. And Felicity is sick of being Oliver’s enabler even though she stuck around to continue serving as Oliver’s enabler. Because make no mistake, one of the primary reasons that the Green Arrow is an asshole is because Felicity spent four seasons telling him that his best, most dickish self is the key to beating the bad guys. Granted, this week’s episode was probably the best one thus far simply because the scene of Team Arrow assembling was epic (not to mention Stephen Amell settling his wrestling beef yet again with Cory “Stardust” Rhodes who played the villain of the week).

The problem with this show digging so hard into the Batman well is that Batman doesn’t work in a weekly CW show. Batman works well in comics and movies because either you’re not reminded constantly of what an irredeemable douche he is.

In any case, the show is probably going to crawl along on this redemption run until the Green Arrow finally throws down with Prometheus because there’s only room for one Impossible White Man in Star City. But for the most part, it feels like the show is trying so hard to gain its viewers trust back, it's just a reminder of how much they've fucked up.

The Week in Geek: 5/25/16 or My Breakup With Arrow

So, This Week in Superhero Television.....I think I'm done with Arrow. For those of you that don't follow me on Twitter, I do the weekly livetweet for Flash and Arrow under the Black Nerd Problems account. One of my editors, Omar Holmon, used to do it, but I think his neighbors found out he was stealing cable and he had to shut that shit down. Anyway, I'd usually be honored by the opportunity, but Arrow's redemption season has been a painful trudge to the middle of the road. I mean, the show has maintained a steady standard of "not as good as The Flash but better than Legends of Tomorrow" but let's be honest; that's not a high bar to clear in the first place.

When this season started, there seemed to be some light at the end of the tunnel, an attempt to right some of the creative wrongs committed in the previous season. But the writers seemed to make an almost deliberate attempt to solve those problems by either highlighting everything that's been wrong with the show or stepping over said problems altogether. Case in point, the Black Canary II. There has been no one more against Laurel Lance taking her sister's mantle than me. They choreographed her fight choreography terribly and she spent the past two seasons being unnecessarily unlikeable. So, you would think I would be happy they killed her off. But then, her Earth 2 doppelganger shows up on The Flash and she stole the whole episode. She was an amazingly fun villain as the Black Siren, it brought into realization that the writers just plain squandered her on Arrow as opposed to the thought that she'd fallen so hard, she couldn't be written back into glory again. It was just a waste, retrospectively.

The finale was like a window display of everything that's been wrong with this show. Much of this show has been about Oliver Queen's fight against his darker nature and the killer instincts that he picked up during his time on The Island From LOST. For a few episodes, they telegraphed to viewers that the way to combat Damian Dahrk's Sith Lord Magic was for him to expel the darkness in his own heart and embrace the light. But in the end....after Dahrk's magic was nullified by the people of Star City using The Third Act In Dark Knight Rises against him...Oliver ended up succumbing to the darkness by killing Dahrk after he was clearly beaten. Even Diggle, the Arrow's moral compass ended up giving into his dark side by murdering the older brother whose soul he'd been trying to save all season because Andy trolled him a little in defeat. I mean, really, Diggle had turned to the dark side when he tried to kidnap his enemy's wife and pistol whipped her in broad daylight, but hey....who's counting at this point? It's just strange that the show has spent all this time cloning Batman (more blatantly in the finale than ever before) and yet picked the strangest time to step out of Batman's shadow. One of the big problems with American shows like this is that they go on past their structural shelf life. In a perfect world, Arrow would have ended after Season Two when he defeated Slade Wilson and conquered the darkness within the second time (he's gone back and forth about killing no less than four times not including his useless flashbacks to The Island From LOST). But because the endgame is to monopolize CW with entire blocks of the Arrowverse (as is more evident by the inclusion of Supergirl), these shows have to go on being built far away from the foundations they were built on and the past season is the resulting category 4 shit storm. Rest In Peace, Arrow. We will never forget. But we will try.

My comic reviews for the week on Star Wars and The Mighty Thor are available on Black Nerd Problems. And don't forget my ongoing webcomic series with Katie Coats, Neverland: The Untold.

The New Game of Thrones Trolling Experience

So, Game of Thrones happened in the past couple of weeks. I was going to do a post about it after the season premiere but I wanted to wait until two episodes had passed because GoT has a habit dedicating one episode purely to set-up for what's to come. And that's basically what happened.

For those of you keeping score, that's that kid's uncle. He's also
that kid's father AND he fucked the boy's mom in that same spot.

I'm glad I waited until after the second episode to form an opinion because it's plainly obvious now that the format has changed. Obviously (except for the Iron Islands stuff), the showrunners have run out of book material to follow and honestly, it's the best goddamned thing to happen to this show in the past two seasons. See, there was a time when the showrunners made an attempt at a 1:1 representation of the source material as established by George R. R. Martin and before anything else, Martin is an extinction level troll. He loves that people lose their collective shit when someone who may or may not have deserved it gets killed off. That said, the source material can be long and torturous to its characters. So, "staying faithful" to it means we would have had to sit through half a season of Roose Bolton telling Ramsey to get his shit together after he does something unforgivably evil and macabre or no less than six episodes of Tyrion Lannister realizing that he is the smartest person in the room and STILL has to be the one to do the legwork nobody else wants to do in the service of saving the day. But now that the ship is set on "sail", the showrunners get to advance the plot at their leisure. So, now, Arya only has to go through a couple episodes of Daredevil training before we see some payoff. Just two episodes before Ramsey finally gets sick of his father's shit and does the thing we all knew he should have done a season ago (Jesus Christ, he had his JUST BORN baby brother fed to dogs on sight before even washing his father's blood off the dagger). As the writer of a comic whose first issue is primarily set-up, I appreciate the time it takes to create a universe and lay groundwork, but I feel like we're at a point where the training wheels can be taken off and viewers can all have an experience together without being divided by people who are on the edge of their seat and people who've read the books and are just waiting for one shoe or another to drop. We can all be trolled together and that's a good thing....unless they start with that rape shit again.

My comic review for the week on Invincible Iron Man is up and available on Black Nerd Problems for your viewing enjoyment. Feel free to like, share or comment at your own discretion

The Week In Geek 4/20/16

So, This Week In Excuses to Move On From Batman v Superman.....It's recently been announced that Marvel/Disney's Inhumans movie, previously scheduled for a July 2019 release, no longer has a release date. That's not to say that it's no longer on the schedule but usually when things like this happen, it's because the studio has to make room for an impending franchise (**cough** Spider Man) because his appearance in the previews for a certain upcoming film (**cough** Civil War) has tested well thus far, so it's probably a good thing that they're staying flexible with this Marvel Cinematic Universe. After all, they should probably have time to rethink whatever they had in mind for the film since Agents of SHIELD has spent the past two seasons mining the whole Inhumans thing with their Secret Warriors plotline (which has successfully reinvigorated the show with a new sense of identity).

Also, there's the whole rumor that Marvel might be coming to an mutual X-Men deal with Fox to use them....but I don't believe that shit just yet, so we'll move on.

This Week in Superhero Television.....It turns out there is a script in the can for Krypton, a Gotham style Superman prequel show. Apparently, the pilot is set two generations before Krypton's destruction where Superman's grandfather tries to bring honor back to the House of El. Here's why this is stupid. Why the FUCK are we doing a show about a planet we KNOW is going to die. I mean, we actually know how this is going to end. There are literally NO STAKES involved. Now, there is a chance that they could take this in a psuedo-Game of Thrones direction where upper crust Kryptonians wrestle for political and military power, which would wipe away the time honored "We were a peaceful, technologically advanced and unilaterally boring as fuck civilization that basically sets the stage to let our future protagonist grow up with abandonment issues" approach we've seen for God knows how long. However, this premise as is has the same problem Gotham has: primetime superhero television's compulsive need to appeal to the Lowest Common Denominator viewer that will be perfect happy just to name drop popular names from the comics wherever possible (which, in a show two generations before anything relatively Superman happens, consists exclusively of Zod, Jor-El and maybe Brainiac depending on what version you're going with). And sure, Titanic took place in an ill fated setting too and it made tons of money, but this is primetime (probably broadcast basic cable at best) television so it's highly doubtful that any network that falls under that umbrella is willing to shell out that level of production quality to a show about Superman's grandfather. So, we'll see.

My comic reviews for the week on Tokyo Ghost, The Mighty Thor and Superman: American Alien are up and available on Black Nerd Problems for your viewing pleasure.

And don't forget about my the latest page of my comic collaboration with Katie Coats, Neverland: The Untold. As always feel free to like, share and comment at your leisure. You know the drill.

The Week In Geek 10/21/15

This Week In Superhero Television.... Agents of SHIELD is really coming around. It's nice that this has finally turned into a full fledged show with an identity. Some people still aren't as excited about Daisy Johnson (formerly Skye) still being the focus, but I think if they look closer, they won't see the same character they did before. In fact, Quake was a character that mostly fun but never really got to see her potential reached.

I mean, really....what the fuck ever happened to Quake? I mean, she had this great setup as Nick Fury's protege that "will go on to do great things and be one of the best agents ever." She had her own team of young, DIVERSE superpowered agents, most of which we've never heard from again including Phobos, the goddamned god of fear. This is one of those cases where Marvel could have BEEN doing the All New All Different thing ages ago. As a matter of fact, I'm going to go ahead and take that, in retrospect, as a direct attempt on Marvel's part to not let Brian Bendis OR Jonathan Hickman be great (even though they are both clearly allowed to be great now), but I digress. I think the complaining about Daisy wouldn't be so vocal if it weren't for the fact that the Most Interesting Story On The Show (What the Fuck Happened to Simmons) has been relegated to the side story.

Meanwhile, on The Flash, some of the sins of Season 1 have come back to bite this show in the ass. This week's episode mostly dealt with Captain Cold's abusive father blackmailing him into a crime spree. Since the writers have essentially defanged Cold, making any episode with him involved into anime filler (at least until Legends of Tomorrow finally debuts) it took them bringing The Voice of Darkseid in to give The Flash a reason to get shot with the cold gun. It's always interesting to jump into the minds of villains and their vulnerabilities, but the fact that it's a CW show means there's always the possibility that the writers will give into their urges to pander to the Lowest Common Denominator. In this case, that means having Golden Glider sit in the hero's lair and make doe eyes at Cisco. By the way....if your sister is a supervillain that can turn things to gold, why the fuck are you still robbing banks?

And then there's Arrow.... Last time we talked, Arrow was at least TRYING to move back to a palatable direction that isn't Oliver Queen becoming an assassin god. Now, things have picked up speed and the writers have begun to inoculate the show against sins of the past. It makes sense for the characters, given the events of last season, but come on, Oliver and Diggle starting off the new season in a bromance quarrel is not quite the nail biter we'd like. So, Felicity locks them in a room and basically orders them to suck it up. This barely takes an entire five minutes to accomplish before the duo are back on the streets, kicking butt again. So, they're speaking again and Felicity solved a problem by doing something other than crying. Two birds in one stone. They even got rid of Oliver's horrible flashback wig (despite the ever looming problem that these flashbacks are still happening even though nobody really cares at this point). Now, if only someone would do something about Diggle's awful welding helmet. I mean, his superpower is a gun. Don't you need depth perception to effectively shoot people? The show started off with him missing a bad guy directly at his side and I can't help but think maybe the narrow ass slits might have been an obstacle. Oh, well. I guess we can't have everything we want.

My comic reviews for the week on Tokyo Ghost and The Invincible Iron Man are available on Black Nerd Problems for your viewing pleasure. And don't forget about my webcomic, Neverland: The Untold. As always, feel free to like, share, comment and spread the word at your leisure.

No, I'm NOT Calling The Flash and Arrow "Flarrow"......

So, this week was the big two night "Flash vs. Arrow" crossover event and despite my mild skepticism (a "versus" scenario would have been a bit more plausible a few weeks ago before Barry did Mach One to put Not-Quite-Colossus on his ass), it was actually much better than I expected. One thing it did very well was establish a clear tone for each respective show in this one universe. And love or hate them, you can at least say that these two shows know exactly what kind of shows they want to be. You've got a shitshow like Gotham that has virtually no identity and, at the same time, EVERY identity. Sometimes, it wants to be a by-the-book procedural cop drama set in a famous fictional city. Every once in a while, it's a Batman prequel when it needs to bring back viewers. Other times, it wants to be Boardwalk Empire set in a famous fictional city. Some days, it's Rise of the Penguin. And sometimes, as evident by the many larval stages of Jada Pinkett Smith's wig, it wants to be a Bronner Bros. hair show in Atlanta. Arrow, makes a very clear statement in almost every scene that it's a primetime Batman surrogate. The Flash is obviously meant to be a Superman replacement (because we will NOT see Superman on primetime television again for a while; Thanks for nothing, Smallville), far more hopeful and cartoonishly optimistic than his gritty counterpart. It's actually the kind of dynamic I hope will take place in Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice (despite Henry Cavil's sad eyes). DC gets a lot of crap for being so slow to the starter blocks in competing with Marvel's unstoppable engine of movies, but as far as TV goes, they know how to sell a product. Then again, I could be wrong.

Aaron McGruder Isn't The Problem

I've never met Aaron McGruder, but I suspect he's a kindred spirit: a guy who doesn't really seek to offend, but questions whether he's doing his job well when he hasn't offended anyone. Of course, this is most evident by his crowning achievement, The Boondocks, the satirical saga of two inner city kids sent to live with their grandfather in the suburbs. The show was simply hilarious in its good moments and, in its greatest moments, turned on a floodlight aimed directly at Black America's laundry hamper, usually held steady by Huey Freeman, part Charlie Brown/part Eldridge Cleaver. The resulting feedback was mostly outstanding (except for the final season) but received choice words from the likes of Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton and Tyler Perry.

Sharpton was offended by McGruder's "Return of the King" episode in which Martin Luther King Jr. returned to tell contemporary Black America to get its shit together in an epic dress down that rivals Alec Baldwin's speech in Glengary Glen Ross. Prior to his rant, Toon King had been labeled a traitor, accused of sympathizing with terrorism and even had his cause co-opted by top 20 mainstream radio. Dr. King was in marches that were met with hoses, dogs and violence....so this was a walk in the park when you think about it. Allegedly, he was put off by Fictional King's use of an "N" word my editor won't let me use over at Black Nerd Problems (because advertisers and shit). CartoonThatIsn'tActuallyMartin Luther King used the "N" word 16 times in an episode about the civil rights movement. Django Unchained, a movie about slavery, used the same word exactly 115 times. Oddly enough, there's been no comment from Sharpton.

Then, there was the time Tyler Perry and his disciples fans had a bone to pick with the show about some social commentary made in the show's third season. "Pause" was an episode in which Granddad auditioned for a stage play directed by Winston Jerome, a cross-dressing Perry analog who used Christianity as his own personal cult. Madea was less than pleased.

Since then, The Boondock's final season, sans McGruder, has been met with somewhat dismal reception from an audience who either left with the show's creator or stayed and decided the magic has gone.

And now, there's Black Jesus, a live action Adult Swim series about a slightly ratchet incarnation of Jesus Christ himself, living in Compton. I won't bother giving some detailed review because there's a perfectly good one at BNP already. As far as production quality goes, it's exactly what you would expect from the creators network that brought you Loiter Squad. The primetime satire isn't looking to be high brow humor by any stretch of the imagination. It's moderately funny and blatantly geared towards snatching up the laughter of post grad stoners. It's already garned some criticism of its premise and execution being somehow sacreligious and offensive although reviewers seem to get the joke. But let's be honest here. What's the problem? The obviously religious theme? When examined closely, the show is really more Pineapple Express than Dogma, so that can't be it. The language? The show isn't anymore vulgar than McGruder's previous work.

The Son of God spreading peace and love amongst the masses while his detractors and disbelievers wait in the wings to expedite his failure? Well, that happened in the "source material" so they can't possibly be mad about that. Jesus is also accompanied by friends who help him when they can, some of which don't have his best interest in mind and might occasionally co-opt him for their own purposes? Again, pretty close to the original so that probably isn't the issue. So, really, what's the whining about?

If you ask me (not that anyone did), the problem might be a little closer to home for McGruder's naysayers. Much like Boondocks' version of MLK, Black Jesus is the window, the fresh eyes we're asked to view our world and, specifically, ourselves. McGruder's satire, even in its lightest, punch pulling format, is the stranger on the street that hears your conversation and asks, "Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?" MLK was characterized as a man who never asked to be revered, but challenged those around him, black or white, to ascend to their better selves. The only thing truly offensive was the reception. Even then, is it THAT farfetched to think that, a crusader for social justice in the era of internet comment sections might be chastised, ridiculed, ignored and co-opted by mainstream America? In its thin moments of true social commentary (an athiest cop, an ornery landlord, agnostic gangbangers), Black Jesus isn't making fun of the Judeo-Christian faith or its lord and savior. More than anything, it's McGruder's chin check to those he perceives as paying lip service to their beliefs. McGruder uses prominent figures to make a point, but the point made in the end is rarely the result of the figure as much as it is through the figures' followers. Dr. King finally getting fed up, wondering if it was all worth it? Maybe, maybe not. Some of the people who claim to revere him turning everything he stood for into shameless self promotion and buffonery. That sounds about right (I'm looking at you, Jesse Jackson).

In the digital age, when the internet allows humans to view themselves through self-made avatars in place of taking a real look at themselves and calling "shenanigans," if you're mad at a television show for it's depiction of your "resolve"....if you're angrier about the person doing the pointing than you are at what he's pointing at, guess what? Black Jesus isn't the problem. Cartoon Martin Luther King isn't the problem. Aaron McGruder isn't the problem. You are.