Why Suicide Squad Might End Up Being Trash....

So, I wanted to talk very briefly about why I'm less and less excited about Suicide Squad.

I'm not even going to touch on the problems with making a movie based on a comic that has probably been rebooted no less than three times and has likely sold about as many copies in six years.

When the trailer first debuted, it looked fantastic even though it's not really fooling anyone into believing that it's anything other than a vehicle to introduce Harley Quinn and Jared Leto's Joker. And it seems to be doing a lot of things right. It's a diverse cast taking the DC universe in a direction Marvel hasn't explored yet (even though I would pay ungodly sums of money to see Marvel do a Thunderbolts movie). But now that Batman v Superman has come and (thankfully) gone, it's brought a bit of context to the kind of world we're being sold. Check it.



"What if Superman had decided to fly down, rip off the roof of the White House and grab the President right out of the Oval Office? Who would have stopped him?"

First of all, depending on how this election shakes out, I doubt anyone would have a problem with that so that's not the scariest imagery one could invoke to establish Superman as a threat (which is the main thing wrong with BvS, but I'm not having that discussion anymore). Second, if Superman did go rogue and attack the White House, what in the WORLD WIDE FUCK are Deadshot, Harley Quinn and Katana going to do about it aside from die screaming? The problem with these "hit squad to stop the most powerful people on Earth" scenarios is that they always involve recruiting people that stand NO CHANCE of stopping the most powerful people on Earth. I mean, sure, it's a good move to feature Batman in the movie to show off how badass the Suicide Squad is up against A-listers, but let's be honest, y'all. The ONLY reason Batman was able to contend with Superman in Yawn of Justice is because the script required Superman be an unfathomably stupid chump to even be goaded into a fight in the first place. So, right there, you're not going to convince me that Killer Croc is the go-to guy if Superman decides to say, "fuck it."

Most importantly, the Suicide Squad's whole thing is that they're badasses willing to do things the good guys either can't fathom doing or don't have the balls to do. But the first two movies have Batman and Superman, DCs two standards for how heroism works in their universe, going about as far as you can go....which is murder.

If Superman isn't above murder and Batman isn't above murder (because OH SWEET JESUS, HE MURDERS SO MANY PEOPLE), why does it matter that the Suicide Squad's bread and butter is murder? I'm not saying this movie doesn't still stand a chance of being fun to look at or that we won't get some epic moments from some key characters. I know I'm pretty excited about the prospect of a Batfleck/Joker car chase. But I'm cautious about a movie that has negated all of its most obvious stakes and reasons to care before the thing even started pre production.

Just something to think about.

The Week In Geek- 3/23/16: Well, That Happened....

I know this is usually where I'd offer some comprehensive review on the things I liked and didn't like about Batman vs. Superman, but I haven't seen it. Honestly, I'm not in much of a rush to see a Superman movie where the entire premise is based on "people are scared of Superman." Having said that.... 

Welp. Batman v Superman is finally here and apparently holding at somewhere around 30% on Rotten Tomatoes which is....well, bad. I'm sure it's more than a minor cause for concern over at Warner Brothers because, correct me if I'm wrong, Justice League Part One is ready to begin filming. With the myriad of criticisms about BvS, the studio has some hard decisions to make about the overall direction Zack Snyder is taking DC's cinematic universe. Then again, Man of Steel has been a target of an equal amount of criticism and it doesn't seem to have slowed Snyder's vision at all, so it's entirely possible that this could end up being one of those franchises like Transformers or even X-Men where the movies are consistently trash but not trash enough for people to stop watching them. But for that to happen, this movie would have to do Transformers numbers at the box office (if you're waiting for me to explain how Transformers keeps doing numbers, nobody's that smart), meaning that people would have to either show up to the theater because all the criticism has them curious or because they're making a conscious decision to ignore the criticism. But at this point, who knows, really?

My comic reviews for the week on Star Wars and Batman are up and available on Black Nerd Problems for your viewing enjoyment. And be sure to get a look at the latest page in my ongoing webcomic series, Neverland: The Untold.

Because You Wanted Me To Talk About Guardians of the Galaxy......

I'm going to try not doing a fleshed out review like usual for Guardians of the Galaxy since EVERYONE has kicked out a review at this point. In fact, Chace Morris and Whitney Walker collaborated to do a fantastic review for Black Nerd Problems that's absolutely worth your time.

I will say that it was a shockingly enjoyable film that is probably the best representation of where Marvel's at in terms of the superhero genre of film. I mean, they're getting REALLY good at this. I hate to make this a "Versus DC" thing again because it seems like I've been doing that a lot lately (though you almost HAVE to, seeing as they're the only two in the field and we're not likely to get that Spawn reboot Todd McFarlane promises almost annually), but in terms of quality and output, they're doing laps around anything DC is doing right now. Sure, you could make the argument that The Dark Knight trilogy is where the bar is because Those Are Incredible Goddamned Movies, but it's also drastically different from virtually anything Marvel puts out (often times, its most effective moments....and there are many....are more crime drama than superheroics), it's comparing apples and oranges.

The Dark Knight series was an experiment in what most superhero films had been up until a certain point: Taking comics and distorting them to create a visual experience unique to cinema in a way that wouldn't necessarily do as well translating back to comic format. In other words, Nolan did well in taking elements of Batman: Year One and Knightfall and putting them more in line with the aesthetic he's known for, but those movies (most notably Dark Knight Rises) wouldn't be as effective for fans as a comic. Guardians of the Galaxy was one of the closest I've ever seen a movie being a 1:1 translation of comic book sensibilities to the screen, aside from maybe Sin City and Watchmen (which was, perhaps, a little too enslaved to the source material).

The movie tailored itself to what its principal cast does well. Drax is pretty much the role Dave Bautista has been TRYING to play since he started acting so this worked out very well for him. I am convinced that Josh Brolin could have been on screen with no make up or costuming and still been an effective Thanos. Right now, nobody else in Hollywood does the "sorta squinting death stare" as well as he does. Who would have thought Vin Diesel would be given three words to say in different inflections for an entire movie.....and end up with maybe the most poignant role of his entire career? And Bradley Cooper's Rocket Raccoon was so good, I almost had to remind myself that was Bradley Cooper's voice. There were so many naysayers before there was even a trailer (I'm looking at you, Cracked), making fun about a movie with a talking raccoon as if Man of Steel didn't make Superman's dad basically the best Siri update ever. All those shadebenders almost HAVE to shut up now.

As a whole, Guardians, as well as Captain America: The Winter Soldier, have shown exactly why Marvel's rather rabid fanbase remains reasonably loyal to what is basically the monolith of superhero movies at this point. I stand by my statement that Batman v Superman won't be a terrible venture like everyone thinks, but as far as competition (and let's face it....the Big Two ARE directly competing), DC has a lot of ground to cover.

Oh and Chris Pratt's slightly more irreverent portrayal of Peter Quill confirmed what I've known for some time now: Han Solo has become a genre of film.

Well, The Amazing Spider Man 2....Umm...Happened.

The fanboys are going to have to start learning to live with one inescapable fact: Spider-Man belongs to Sony and the suits would rather lob off their own pinkies in a fit of cocaine induced rage before ever giving him back to Marvel. It will not happen. So, the dreams of a Spider-Man/Avengers cinematic team are just that: a pipe dream that will come to fruition around the same time the Dallas Cowboys win another Super Bowl (that's code for "Never").

I say all that to say that Marc Webb's follow up to 2012's "The Amazing Spider-Man" is probably the most that comic culture can ask for out of Sony's crack team of writers and producers which, judging by the amount of characters and conflicts crammed into 2.5 hours, must be legion. Civilian (non-nerd) moviegoers will almost certainly adore this visually arresting romp. Comic loyalists will be ridiculously divided. I remember sitting in the theater, seeing an unforgivably goofy moment in which Spider-Man (Andrew Garfield) saves three different people out of a frenzied stampede of hundreds from certain electrocution using his only functioning web-shooter and I could practically hear the true geeks groaning in unison. However, if they get past their perennial inability to share with mainstream audiences, this actually ends up being a somewhat decent addition to the webslinger's adventures.

The movie opens up with us seeing Peter Parker fully embracing his whimsical personal as Your Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man, loved by the city (most of it, anyway) and loathed by crooks. Meanwhile, in his civilian life, he remains tormented by Captain George Stacy (Denis Leary) who, with his dying breath in the first film, made Pete promise to keep his daughter, Gwen (Emma Stone) out of his death defying adventures. This probably fucks with him so mainly because of their resolve to ignore the Captain's orders. This is easily the most compelling narrative of the film since it involves two of the best performances. Stone's Gwen is brainy and confident which makes her an adequate leading lady for Garfield, the eight cylinder engine powering this movie, who really gets to show off as the fully realized Wallcrawler we didn't get nearly enough of in the previous film, a witty Spidey that wisecracks through pummeling bad guys to hide his inner turmoil, stumbling through the consequences being Spider-Man has on his personal life.

Shoehorned into the narrative was Peter's continuing search for answers concerning the disappearance of his parents (Campbell Scott, Embeth Davidtz) when he was a little boy. This felt like a rush job that led to a). a heartwarming scene between Peter and his struggling Aunt May (Sally Field) and b). a "sins of their fathers" plotline to link him to his long lost childhood friend Harry Osborn (a creepy, slightly emo Dane DeHaan), whose ailing father, Norman (Chris Cooper), owns Oscorp, the mega-conglomerate that Peter's father worked at. The movie makes no bones about painting Oscorp as NOTHING but the sum total of every "evil empire" ever imagined from which nothing good is derived.

They don't even have appropriate health insurance, evident by Max Dillon (Jamie Foxx), a dorky Spidey-obsessed employee who has an unfortunate spill into a vat of electric eels (I shit you not) and becomes the villainous Electro. Foxx did what he could with what the writers gave him, but he has so much natural charisma, he wears the nerd facade about as well as the Roach from Men in Black wore human skin.

Oh, and there's Paul Giamatti as the Rhino, who feels about as "Aww shucks" and comically throw-away as Cillian Murphy's Scarecrow from the Dark Knight films. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if we see him in later films getting beaten up for about ten minutes before Garfield goes on to face whoever his main threat ends up being.

Spidey has his work cut out for him as did Webb, who tried his absolute damnedest to tie all these conflicts together in a neat bow. He doesn't necessarily fail, but the script's Frankenstein-like stitches are definitely apparent. Although, in fairness, it's clearer in this movie than it was in the previous one that the faults aren't necessarily his fault. It's obvious that this car was already fresh off the assembly line and that he was just the driver. Although this movie is at its strongest when it's highlighting the internal conflicts of its major players, the battles still pack plenty of punch with enough "holyshitareyoufuckingkiddingme" moments that really show off why our hero is utterly BELOVED by the citizens of New York (to the dismay of some comic loyalists).

Bottom Line: Is it perfect? NO. Is it better than the first one? Possibly. Will EVERYONE be happy? Hell No. Will it entertain the majority? Most likely. In that regard, it was pretty okay. A mixed bag...but there's nothing wrong with that. 7.5 out of 10

Because You Knew A Captain America Review Was Coming....

Coming off of the first movie's magnificent execution by Joe Johnston and "pretty damn good" reception by audiences (no doubt overshadowed just a bit by Iron Man's omega level douchebaggery and Thor's pecs), I was curious as to how Joe and Anthony Russo would play the sequel to Captain America: The First Avenger. Would they mimic Johnston's style of paying homage to Old Republic serials? Would they give us a semi noir-ish espionage romp as the comics have been known to dabble in throughout recent years (especially when the movie's titular character is involved)? Or would they go the easy route and capitalize off his success in the Avengers, letting the star spangled hero smack down larger than life, ultra powerful threats to world in a standard superhero romp? The result, in its way, was the best of all worlds.

To call this movie a rollercoaster ride would be like referring to a bullet train as a taxicab. Captain America: The Winter Soldier took a route that, while safe in its own way, was definitely the most enjoyable for comic fans and civilians alike. Though it does indeed have it's spy elements, it's an action spy film that is more Bourne Identity (on steroids) than Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy. It makes every effort to be as accessible as possible without slowing down viewers acquainted with the previous film as well as the comics they descend from. As you're watching, no matter how you end up feeling about what you see, you find yourself admitting that, if nothing else, Marvel's Cinematic Universe seems to take a hardcore attitude of "These movies can't afford to a). suck or b). alienate outsiders anymore." Where the first movie asked, "How Does A Weak But Noble Man Become Strong and Save the World?", Christopher Markus and Stephen McFeely, who helmed the screenplay, take the next logical step and ask, "How Can I Be Captain America When America (the powers-that-be, anyway) Sometimes Sucks?"

We find our Cap (Chris Evans) adjusting to life in modern day America, dealing with his personal life by almost completely foregoing having one. The only real personal time he ever seems to really enjoy is (literally) running laps around veteran/PTSD counselor Sam Wilson (Anthony Mackie) and his pre-mission exchanges where the Black Widow (Scarlett Johansson) suggests potential dates in an attempt to get him laid. Meanwhile, Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson) tries to enlighten Cap on the new way of the world, how things aren't always as black and white as recruitment posters of old would have one believe and how "the good old days" weren't as good or simple as he likes to believe they were.

Evans has got this "gee whiz", wide eyed aspect of the hero down to a science, delivering as a wholesome man of conviction without ever coming off like a preachy, sanctimonious asshole. In every scene, we really feel for the guy who, while never wavering in his duty to serve and protect, still wonders whether he's the symbol that our America needs or even wants. Jackson's Fury is so thoroughly bathed in cool even when he's not in control or when he's shot all to Hell, I'm starting to think that Jackson, with the effortless way he plays him, sees this as his spirit animal, the summation of every badass, smart mouthed action junkie fantasy he's EVER wanted to live out. He has fun with it and that shows beautifully on screen. Also, while we're on the topic of "old school heavyweights having fun with their roles", Robert Redford's pompous, smug S.H.I.E.L.D. top dog, Alexander Pierce is so delightfully evil and brooding while maintaining a half-smiling Michael Scott quality at all times.

Arguably, this movie's greatest strength is that even with all the action and obstacles Captain America is given to blitzkrieg through like the all-American quarterback he comes off as, the supporting cast never feels like a lineup of sidekicks. They're partners who take point, hold their own, come through in clutch moments and save his ass every bit as much as he does for them. I mean, the WHOLE A-squad gives the bad guys more work than a temp agency. This is no more evident than in a scene where Fury, suspected of treason, evades and assaults (interchangeably) a strike team for a solid ten minutes before his run-in with the dreaded Winter Soldier (Sebastian Stan), who looks like he was ripped right out of a page in the comics and pasted on the goddamned screen.

And the fans will not be left wanting with this one. It features so many easter eggs, familiar faces, name drops and tie-ins to previous Marvel films as well as the much debated primetime series "Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.", the true nerds and continuity whores are likely already pre-ordering their dvd copies so they can spend plenty of time cherry picking for things they missed in the theater.

Bottom Line: This might just be the best movie the Marvel Cineverse has cranked out yet, photo-finishing next to The Avengers and Iron Man (in that order). 9.5 out of 10.

.....About the Ninja Turtles Trailer

Friend: Have you watched the new Ninja Turtles trailer?

Me: Nope.

Friend: You wanna see it?

Me: The trailer? Not particularly.

Friend: Oh....

Me: You want me to watch it right now, don't you?

Friend: What makes you say that?

Me: You JUST sent the link to my inbox, man.

Friend: Well, I'm just curious about your take on it.

Me: You mean "I'm the only person you know who's nerdy enough to talk to you about this shit."

Friend: Pretty much.

Me: I need new friends. **clicks link**




Friend: It's sort of destructive for a Ninja Turtles movie.

Me: Right. Because any self respecting Ninja Turtles movie should always maintain a baseline destruction level of just crashing a Vanilla Ice concert.

Friend: Do you think they'll try that again? What would be the relevant equivalent of a Vanilla Ice concert?

Me: Probably a Justin Bieber concert. I sort of hope that happens in the movie.

Friend: I never had you pegged as a victim of Bieber Fever.

Me: I'm not. I just think if he shows up in this movie, it might speed up the countdown clock until he jumps the shark.

Friend: Good point.

Me: Wait...is that William Fichtner?

Friend: As the Shredder. Michael Bay wasted no time whitewashing this shit, did he?

Me: Well, let's see...an evil Japanese ninja overlord dressed in ginsu knives trying to destroy New York City? Oh, I'm sure the Asian community would just love that shit.

Friend: But then it's a white guy dressing up like someone we KNOW is an evil Japanese overlord trying to destroy New York City.

Me: Right, but it's William Fichtner, so he'll probably kill it regardless. And we don't exactly know how all that's been retconned since....and I can't stress this enough....this is a trailer and NOT THE MOVIE. I feel I have to remind you this trailer isn't the actual movie because the nerd rage about this trailer is in overflow as if this trailer were the movie. It's not the movie. I've now reminded you three times.

Friend: It's scenes from the movie we're going to see. We're seeing this, by the way.

Me: That door swings both ways. Remember the trailer for Jumper? That looked awesome. The end result was that movie being extremely non-awesome.

Friend: That doesn't count. Hayden Christensen was in it, so it was destined to fail.

Me: This movie has Megan Fox in it. Doesn't that make it sort of starcrossed?

Friend: Point taken.

Me: Thank you. I want expedited shipping for my trophy, please.

Friend: Those turtles sure seem REALLY superhuman.

Me: First off, they weren't human to begin with.

Friend: So, you're saying Michelangelo didn't start out as Corey Feldman?

Me: Well, as far as I know, the Turtles weren't mutated by cocaine so I'm going to say no. Second of all, they're MUTANT Ninja Turtles, so the rules of nature don't apply hardcore to them anymore than they do to Spider-Man.

Friend: I'm not so sure about the design of their faces. They're funny looking.

Me: Remind me how the old Turtles all looked like Ryan Gosling.

Friend: Well....

Me: That's sarcasm, by the way. They didn't. It's a little silly to complain that MUTANT anything is supposed to be pretty.

Friend: Sure, but do they have to look like Shrek?

Me: You're asking a lot from a movie with Megan Fox in it about Mutant turtles who are all basically Daredevil.

Friend: Well, what kind of nerds would we be if we didn't ask a lot from decent properties with ridiculous premises?

Me: Logical ones.

Friend: Okay...but who the fuck wants that?

Me: You have a point there.

Friend: Do I?

Me: No, not really.

A Few Other Things About Man of Steel (Yes, I'm Going to Talk About the Zod Thing)....

So, after my Man of Steel review, I instantly got a few criticisms about the movie and the review that deserve to be addressed. WARNING: There are spoilers ahead. If you don't want to know some parts of the movie, jump out now.

Last Warning...there are spoilers. Okay, you had your chance.



1). There were a couple of problems I had with the movie that I didn't mention.

-For one thing, the Lois/Superman romance was a little rushed. A kissing scene after he's just killed a man with the backdrop of a half-leveled Metropolis played out on screen a lot like the end of a Godzilla movie where, "Sure, he wrecked all of our shit, but we're alive and he beat up the monster, so thanks, Godzilla! You're alright."

-With the exception of Superman's costume, the color palette for this movie was really sepia. I don't have a good joke for that. I just found that kinda odd.

2). There were a lot of people who feel that the death of Krypton should have been skipped altogether and although I don't agree, it's a fair reaction to have. After all, you'd have to travel a long way to find someone that doesn't know that Superman's an alien raised by kindly midwestern farm people. However, it's also fair to say that the last time we saw an origin story on the big screen was over 30 years ago. I literally hadn't even been conceived the last time a movie depicted Jor-El shooting his only son off into space. There's a whole generation who hasn't had the chance to have the same experience we did. Furthermore, the larger reason it's important to, at least, glance at the final moments of Krypton is to add gravitas to the hero's journey. Not for the hero, mind you, but for the viewer. I detest the idea of risking a discussion about comparing Superman to Jesus, but please bare with me.

One of the prevailing ideas in the Bible is that the morals of the Judeo-Christian faith have an overwhelming impact on those who study them when they understand what Christ sacrificed to convey them. In turn, the idea in Man of Steel is that we, the viewers, are sympathetic to the idea that Clark will never truly know (not firsthand, anyway) what his parents gave (specifically Jor-El) to make sure his son didn't have to explode alongside his people. Glazing over the death of Krypton is tantamount to overlooking the fact that Batman's parents got shot.

3). I read several comments on Facebook and Twitter where people were groaning about all the product placement. I dismissed most of this as the bitter fan-tears of trolls. People whined about this as if product placement were some new phenomenon. The Lone Ranger is selling Subway sandwiches, Iron Man and Mister Spock are selling Audi sports coupes, Smallville was practically an hour long Old Navy ad each week, Batman and Robin (and Sylvester Stallone) sold Taco Bell and NOW people are whining about Corporate America's involvement? Yeah, okay. Next....

4). The complaints about Jonathan Kent being un-Kent-like....**sigh**...okay. There were more than a few people that found it a little left field that, when asked if he should have let the children on the school bus die, Pa Kent replied "Maybe." This was the first time in the history of the mythology I saw Jonathan portrayed as a real person and not what we think kindly midwestern farmers should be like. He sounded like someone my dad would know. My father is honest enough to know he doesn't have all the answers and replied to my questions several times throughout my childhood with "Fuck, I don't know...maybe." It's debatable that, perhaps, he offered mixed messages for his son throughout the movie, but what we saw was a man who'd come face to face with the possibility that he might not be properly equipped to give his son all of the guidance he needs. Just like many real fathers.

5). Another complaint I heard A LOT was about the Zod fight. Two specific things about the Zod fight seemed to rub people the wrong way.

-Apparently, some people were shocked by the wholesale destruction being so....well....destructive. Yes, you heard that right. People were actually mad that Superman beat a bad guy by punching him. I find that particularly silly after this.....


....and this.

  c

Even without the fact that Superman fights have traditionally been just plain destructive, I see where some fans would take issue with the final act in Man of Steel. As a Superman fan, I do appreciate those moments ("All Star" is full of them) when Superman can cure all ails with his never-ending well of compassion and feelings. After all, we've become accustomed to a mythology where Superman always has the right answer and is powerful enough to choose the "third" option that wouldn't always be available to everyday people. He's fast enough to usually get there just in time. He can hear well enough to get to wherever "there" may happen to be. In short, he's able to realize those "nick of time" moments we all wish for in real life. So, it's not unreasonable to consider people being a little turned off by all the death.

Consider the other end of the spectrum, though. I mean, sure, there were TONS of buildings being smashed and yeah, there were people clearly still in harm's way, but Superman was clearly fighting a guy who was a powerful as HE was and twice as dangerous because he a). was severely pissed and b). didn't give a single solitary fuck about hurting humans. The evil Kryptonians were pretty relentless already. I mean there were several times during the fight in Smallville where he tried to get some distance and wasn't allowed a single moment of pause by Faora and Other Guy. Did we really think Zod would be any less relentless? In fairness, Superman did try to knock him into orbit at least once, but it's like I said. Superpowered fights just tend to be really fucking dangerous.

-And of course, there is the death of General Zod. This was something I expected from the moment he killed Jor-El. It's a type of favored "eye for an eye" karmic symmetry in blockbuster action movies, certainly in superhero films. Granted, I wouldn't have predicted Superman snapping his neck Chuck Norris style, but the backlash is understandable. Even though I feverishly disagree with the comparison, I've noticed a lot of people (I know...not everybody) see Superman as a Jesus analog. Whether they're a fan of him or not, wondering what Superman would do is akin to asking what Jesus would do and while my theology is rusty, I'm pretty sure when the Good Book said to "turn the other cheek," it didn't mean "turn thy neighbor's cheek from one side of his body to the other." Having said that, I think that, as I mentioned before, often times, people expect Superman, with all his power, to have the option of an easy way out. But, once again, he was up against a foe every bit as powerful as he is and, in fairness, he pleaded with Zod to stop at least three times. And it's not like he wanted to kill the guy. For fuck's sake, he immediately fell to his knees and cried as Lois held him. I mean he was sobbing about the shit. I appreciate this dimension to the character. Storywise, I like the idea of a Superman that isn't instantly sure enough of the right thing to do to in every situation partly because he's still new.

Why People Should Suck It Up and Get Over the Iron Man 3 Thing (SPOILERS AHEAD).....

Seriously, there are SPOILERS in here. Last chance.

Well, Iron Man 3 has finally come and, as I predicted within 15 seconds of seeing the big Mandarin reveal, the entire internet fell on the floor kicking and screaming like children (Bell Biv Devoe calls that "the crybaby"). For those of you that don't care about seeing this movie, but want to know what I'm talking about, here's the breakdown.

The movie version of the Mandarin (Ben Kingsley) is the (white) supposed head of a terrorist organization known as the Ten Rings, the same group that held Tony Stark captive in the first movie. Stark infiltrates the Mandarin's home only to discover that he is actually a drunken, drug addicted British actor named Trevor Slattery, who is just a front for Aldridge Killian (Guy Pearce) and A.I.M.'s war profiteering scam. At some point throughout Killian's final battle with Iron Man, he screams "I am the Mandarin!!!" Denzel Washington Training Day style.

As a result of this twist in the narrative, as I said before, the internet lost its collective mind because they didn't get a RDJ/Ben Kingsley superpowered slugfest even though the slugfest they got instead was FUCKING AWESOME. The thing about comic nerds is that they're very random about how and when they decide a movie's handling of the source material is careless. X-Men First Class was taken seriously, the Scarecrow got beaten up by Katie Holmes, Dr. Doom was basically portrayed as Donald Trump with superpowers and Ghost Rider got two movies. But somehow, THIS is just too much to handle. To understand why this is a silly grievance, you have to understand who the Mandarin is in the comics.

Depending on the writer, the details have changed slightly over the years, but basically the Mandarin was a Chinese man, oppressed by Chairman Mao, who stumbled upon alien technology in the form of ten powerful rings and used them to become an evil would-be conqueror. An evil Chinese would-be conqueror who looks, dresses and talks like a villain from a Shaw Brothers kung fu movie.

In other words....this guy.

Over the years, they've changed his clothes and motives for hating Iron Man, but as far as his goals and ideologies, long story short....this could be considered pretty fucking racist. In 2013, with the borderline xenophobic political climate, there is just no way in Hell you can market this to a worldwide audience with children in good conscience. None. Granted, I'm not saying that you HAVE to characterize the Mandarin this way to do it justice, but it IS racially problematic for Marvel and, ultimately, Disney. If they cast a Chinese guy, the Asian community would quite possibly maul the studio and rightfully so. If Ben Kingsley's version (dressed the way he was) had been a superpowered badass, the movie would have been accused of "whitewashing" a Chinese character and we saw how that worked out for M. Night Shaymalamadingdong with The Last Airbender. Or you can write the Mandarin out altogether, but then you have C-List Iron Man baddies like the Living Laser. Sorry, but outside of comic book, no studio exec in the universe thinks Living Laser is a good name for a movie villain.

My point here is that Shane Black handled the "Mandarin" issue in the most realistically feasible way possible. So suck it up.

....Because I Had to Talk About Man of Steel

So, I was contemplating how to properly resurrect this blog and a friend suggested I talk about the upcoming Superman film. I didn't want to add hype where there's already hype seeing as I'd be merely be a drop in the already considerable bucket that is Man of Steel. Then, I woke up this morning and saw this.....




....and had to get a post out before I proceed to faint from happiness. Now, I understand that trailers can be quite deceiving about the kind of film you're getting and have been known to disguise a bad movie (I'm looking at you, Jumper), but from the looks of it, this movie is giving me everything I needed out of a reboot.

1). James Marsden isn't in it.
2). Superman looks like he's actually going to punch a bad guy.
3). A look at Big Blue's view of humanity.
4). ZOD! (Yes, as in "Kneel Before...")
5). No hints of the stink Smallville left behind in it's wake.
6). James Marsden isn't in it.

Yeah, I'll camp out for this shit.