No. I’m not going to see it. Well...I’m not going to spend money on it.
Yes, I see that it’s rated R since (in the wake of Deadpool’s success) Fox has decided that the problem with their movies is that there isn’t enough blood and cursing. Yes, I see that they’re borrowing bits and pieces from the Old Man Logan graphic novel. And yes, I see that it’s gritty and Wolverine’s all bloody and explosions and desert and X-23’s in it.
The problem is that these Wolverine movies are like a terrible ex lover that keeps coming back, telling you it’s going to be different this time. They show up at your door with a different haircut, better clothes, a new job and they don’t smell like cigarettes and whiskey anymore. They even talk a little different, remembering everything you like. They spend a few minutes convincing you of how aware they are that they fucked up their last two chances with you. They swear up and down that if they had their chance they’d show you just how much they’d appreciate you. Then you let them in just a little bit for “just one drink”. The next thing you know, you’re alone at the bar while they’re in the entirely too small bathroom in the pub next door, going down on your best friend (terribly, by the way). That’s what these Wolverine movies are. They promise that the new one isn't going to be like the last one and oftentimes, it's not, but that doesn't stop it from being worse.
Maybe it’ll be fantastic. Maybe Fox has truly gotten its shit together. Maybe this will be the thing that turns the X-franchise around for the better. Hell, maybe we should just be happy Hugh Jackman is getting one last enormous check out of this shit sandwich. Maybe things’ll get better when they reboot and get wooden ass Sam Worthington to start playing Wolverine.
Either way...I’m pretty sure I’m not ready to love again. I’ve been hurt before. Also, my review of The Mighty Thor is up and available on Black Nerd Problems for your viewing enjoyment.
