Things I Read This Week (or Sometimes I Think Marvel Lost the Instruction Manual to Marvel)....

BE ADVISED: SPOILERS....KINDA

Avengers #4:

"Here, Hyperion. Drink. It's like vodka, but for men."~Thor

You know, I confess I was (still am) worried about the plot for this book feeling rushed because it's biweekly release, but Jonathan Hickman seems to be handling it just fine thus far. His penchant for high-minded sci-fi concepts seems to blend well with this franchise, reminiscent of Grant Morrison's handling of All Star Superman. Adam Kubert's pencils seem to barely tow the line for Kubert standards which some may not be able to engage with right away. This title seems to employ a Justice League Unlimited model, highlighting different combinations of a set pool of team members each issue.

This week seems to shine a spotlight on Hyperion from Squadron Supreme fame which leads me to my only real problem. A while back, Marvel introduced the Sentry into larger continuity, exploring the question "What if Superman were a Marvel character?" The result was....questionable at best. In fact, it felt like the writers were so frustrated with the lack of a real plan for the character, they rushed him to a early (or all too appropriate) grave, never speaking of him again. Perhaps, this was a planned statement on what would probably happen to a Superman in the Marvel universe, but I doubt it. My hope is that Hyperion is not another attempt to introduce a similar variable into the Avengers ant farm. Quite simply, Marvel already has a Superman....and it's Captain America.

Bottom Line: Thus far, this title has been Orson Scott Card meets Stan Lee in it's approach and Hickman sees no reason to deviate from that plan. Kubert's pencils leave a little something to be desired, though. 7.5 out of 10.


Superior Spider Man #2: I should mention right off the bat that after reading Amazing Spider Man #700, I am immensely skeptical about this direction and how the story would return to status quo (because let's face it...that's the only place "events" like this go). However, I made a bet with a friend that I would give Dan Slott four issues to turn this exercise in convolution into something readable. After which, I'd wash my hands of the whole thing.

Having said that, this issue of Superior Spider Man is fucking awful. This issue runs with the revelation from #1 that Peter Parker's ghost is following our new Spider Man, Otto Octavius, to make sure he doesn't completely ruin his reputation. Since it's become apparent that a character like Doctor Octopus doesn't have the personality to keep SM fans interested for thirty pages, Peter's has become a surrogate for decent dialogue, bemoaning Otto's decisions in his attempt to life the life of his former nemesis. To sum all that up, Peter Parker has become a secondary character in a Spider Man book, further proving that Slott, though handling a terrible paradigm shift in the Spiderverse as best he can, doesn't really understand the character he's writing.

Peter Parker is a great man hiding in the caricature of a "good guy." He could be anything he wants. He could be as much a scientific boon to the world as Tony Stark. He could be mayor of New York if he applied himself. But he can never truly be any of these things because he has to be Spider Man. He has to play the "good hearted yet irresponsible fool." In some ways, Peter Parker is the most noble character in the enter Marvel universe. In short, there's nothing redeeming or noble about giving your enemy a second chance in your last moments on Earth if you're just going walk around haunting him, whining about him hitting on your girlfriend.

Bottom Line: Dan Slott's doing the best he can with a terrible situation, but he needs to do better. 7 out of 10

....Because I Had to Talk About Man of Steel

So, I was contemplating how to properly resurrect this blog and a friend suggested I talk about the upcoming Superman film. I didn't want to add hype where there's already hype seeing as I'd be merely be a drop in the already considerable bucket that is Man of Steel. Then, I woke up this morning and saw this.....




....and had to get a post out before I proceed to faint from happiness. Now, I understand that trailers can be quite deceiving about the kind of film you're getting and have been known to disguise a bad movie (I'm looking at you, Jumper), but from the looks of it, this movie is giving me everything I needed out of a reboot.

1). James Marsden isn't in it.
2). Superman looks like he's actually going to punch a bad guy.
3). A look at Big Blue's view of humanity.
4). ZOD! (Yes, as in "Kneel Before...")
5). No hints of the stink Smallville left behind in it's wake.
6). James Marsden isn't in it.

Yeah, I'll camp out for this shit.

Justice League Movie: Outlook Not Good

For those of you who've asked me if I think there's going to be a Justice League movie anytime soon..... My Prediction: Maybe, but it won't happen anytime soon. Why, you ask?


-There's a big hole to dig themselves out of. Too many of DC's properties are tied with Warner Brothers in a way that leaves them just the indentured servants, working as consultants and whatnot.


-Even after they find a way out of that, they still have to start tying these characters together. Even if Christopher Nolan and Christian Bale wanted to do more Batman (which they don't), it's very unlikely that his gritty, semi-realistic style of storytelling would gel well enough that his Batman could exist in a larger superpowered community. Then again, Hawkeye exists in the Avengers, so you never know.


-The Superman franchise is still looking for forgivness. Don't get me wrong. I have complete faith in Zak Snyder's directing skills (despite wack ass Sucker Punch), but it's going to take a lot to get the taste of Superman Returns out of our mouths. You know...like maybe Superman could actually punch a bad guy at some point.


-Nobody really knows what the hell is happening with the Wonder Woman project. That makes three of your top characters that need a fresh reboot even though I don't think Batman and Superman need origin stories at this point. You would have to look far and wide for someone who doesn't know that Superman is from another planet and Batman's parents were killed when he was a kid.


-Even after you establish a contained cinematic universe for all these characters (I'd go with a Flash movie to start), it would take amnesia, an alien invasion and Oprah giving away coupons for massage parlor happy endings to make people forget that Green Lantern was easily one of the worse cinematic superhero experiences to occur in the past five years.

I'm not saying it won't ever happen, but it'll be five years at the very least!

The September Picks from the DC New 52.....

Ok, after tearing through DC’s 52 “first issues”, I’m not going to bother giving you the rundown on every single one simply because some of them don’t need to be dignified with an explanation. Basically, this rundown consists of my passing students (though scores will vary) and my failing students. Some titles in the passing class have been granted some amnesty because I predict they may get a little better over time. These are the titles that made the cut for what I’ll be picking up this month…..

Animal Man: I wanted to give this one points off for Buddy’s new costume (he looks like Justice), but I couldn’t do it.  This was a fantastic, well paced, beautifully drawn tale of guy who does the superhero thing every now and then with an ending that left us a little freaked out. 9 out of 10

Action Comics: **see my review blog** 8 out of 10.

Swamp Thing: One of the upside about this reboot is that DC is giving their non superhero genres a little more love while doing a decent job of making sure they’re properly infused into the larger universe. Also, I have yet to read a Scott Snyder project I didn’t like (he hit another home run I’m going to talk about later). He does a masterful job here of reminding us that Swamp Thing, at its roots, is a horror story. Though much of this first issue was devoted to setup as it should be, it also did a really good job of creeping me out at one point which is difficult to do. 8.5 out of 10.

Aquaman: I was skeptical of the project because Geoff Johns was involved in it and I’m still trying to forgive him for being a part of what passed for a Green Lantern movie (I’ve been attempting to convince myself it was a group hallucination), but this particular title was a pretty damn good example of what a #1 relaunch comic is supposed to be about. It was a very good choice to approach the character by addressing the constant ridicule he’s received over the years with a priceless diner scene. I’ll be looking forward to seeing where this goes. 8.5 out of 10.

Blackhawks: G.I. Joe for the DC Universe? That’s a good concept. It didn’t set up any particular characters other than Kunoichi very well (which is a problem when there are SO many characters to keep up with) but it was dumb fun with some good action. 6.5 out of 10.

I, Vampire: When I heard DC was pumping out a bloodsucker title, I wasn’t happy because I hate it when comic pander to the Twilight fans (sorry, ladies…It’s Vampire Academy with more whining) but I’m actually happy to report that this title did NOTHING to accomplish that goal. It actually did all in its power not to accomplish that goal. The art reminiscent of Jae Lee’s work on Dark Tower helps to make this an eerie yet beautiful story. A vampire hunting vampire looking to kill his vampire girlfriend before she and her undead legion can wage war on the DC universe??? Yes, please!!! 9.5 out of 10.

All Star Western: Granted, it wasn’t the most western book I’ve ever read, but I do love this team up between Jonah Hex and Amadeus Arkham. Arkham’s psychoanalysis of Hex doubling as narration (entertaining though slightly excessive at moments) succeeded in carrying the story. Also, any time Jonah Hex goes beating the shit out everything that moves, it’s usually a good read, so I’m in for the ride. 8 out of 10.

Teen Titans: If any book needed to turn things around, it was this rotting corpse…and they did so…to a degree. I’ve always liked Scott Lobdell, but he was trying really hard to invoke Brian Michael Bendis and the art left something to be desired in the way of facial expressions. Be that as it may, the kinetic pacing of the action and the decent setup kept me around. Also, this title did something I was convinced no comic book could ever do: it made me like Tim Drake as Red Robin. 7 out of 10.

Batman: Scott Snyder hit yet another one right out of the park with this one. I really appreciate the fact that he values the fact that Batman is a detective just as much as every other writer seems to value Batman’s ability to beat every living creature on Earth in the face. 8 out of 10.

Frankenstein, Agent of S.H.A.D.E.: Are you serious??? Frankenstein with a gun and a sword beating the hell out of demons??? How could that possibly NOT be awesome??? It was a really fun book and it’s probably the only time I’ve ever liked ANYTHING that had a warrior mummy in it. 8 out of 10.


Justice League (added by request): I wrote a review for this one that I suggest you give a look, but for a whole issue of Batman and Green Lantern in a macho scowling/snarking contest, it did okay. I'm giving it one more chance, but Geoff Johns will have to step his game up. 7.5 out of 10.

Now, here are the books I won’t bother picking up (and neither should you)….

Stormwatch: **see my review blog** 6.5 out of 10.

Batgirl: Gail Simone is usually a winner with stuff like this, but this book was boring. There was way too much narration, the cliffhanger ending was silly and nobody told the new villain that his theme was already taken and that Mirror Master will beat him with his own eyeball (because you don’t fuck with anyone who gets beaten up by The Flash on a daily basis; they have anger issues). This one won’t last through February. 6 out of 10.

Justice League International: This is a fine example of what it looks like when a C-Team is just going through their C-Team motions. And the writer doesn’t try, at any point, to convince you that these oddballs will ever be anything other than a C-Team that Batman hangs out with on Thursdays when he needs to feel more superior than usual. I mean, seriously….there’s a character named Godiva. I think that alone says enough….5.5 out of 10.



Catwoman: This is what happens when Maxim Magazine gets into comics. There was decent action here, so I wanted to like this book, but this definitely wins my award for Most Oversexed Title of the year. Granted, this is a character that has rarely been known for her modesty, but even at that....this was a ridiculous amount of T&A. She spent anywhere from 50 to 70 percent of the book either in fetish outfits or halfway out of her clothes. Then, to top it all off, the cliffhanger ending is her and Batman....fucking....in costume. If I were 12 years old and I'd never seen Baywatch before, I'd probably like this book. 6 out of 10.

Hawk and Dove: Two words… Rob. Liefeld. This doesn’t even deserve a score.

Red Lanterns: I want to find these mysterious (probably nonexistent) fanboys who were just sitting around after Blackest Night saying to themselves “I wonder what Atrocitus is up to.” I want to find them and beat them with a rolled up copy of this book. I mean, come on…there’s a kitty cat that’s a Red Lantern. Not a talking kitty cat or a kitty cat that turns into a humanoid/kitty cat version of Guy Gardner…just a mangy fucking cat. And then Atrocitus catches Geoff Johns’ Explainer’s Disease before going into panel after panel about why he’s so pissed off. I don’t know anything about any of these characters and I don’t especially care. Put simply, this is probably the most unnecessary you could ever pick up. 5 out of 10.

Deathstroke: Apparently, Deathstroke is a bad motherfucker. You know how I know? Because every other character in the fucking book went into “holy shit…here comes trouble” mode when he steps into a room. You know how else I know? Because he jumped onto a plane, took a briefcase, listened to an evil genius set up the coming story arc, and jumped off the plane. Oh yeah…and he killed a few people. Yes, that was badass. I wouldn’t want to mess with him…or this book. 4 out of 10.

Grifter: **sigh** His name is Cole Cash. That sounds like a nickname Drake makes women call him during sex. So, basically Sawyer from Lost gets into a fight on a plane, he makes a deal that goes wrong, people want to kill him, his girlfriend’s a bitch….so he puts on a mask. Sound good? I didn’t think so. 4 out of 10.

Detective Comics: Batman’s chasing the Joker. The Joker’s crazy, but some guy thinks he can out-crazy the Joker. It’s been done…a lot. 6 out of 10 (I’m being kinda nice because I liked the little twist at the end).

Wonder Woman: I'm sure this'll be a decent graphic novel once the story arc wraps up, but as it stands, Brian Azzarello wrote an incoherent clusterfuck that doesn't bother introducing anyone including it's title character which I would think is important. 6.5 out of 10.

And Then There Was Stormwatch.....

Honestly, I'm not a huge fan of injecting outside properties into another established canon, so I was ready to not be a huge fan of Grifter, Voodoo and Stormwatch showing up in the DCU. Therefore, I was ready for Stormwatch #1 to possibly suck. The first issue of this series introduces the team consisting Jenny Quantum, Jack Hawksmoor, the Engineer and Martian Manhunter alongside three brand new characters including one called the Eminence of Blades (they're really running out of names). This incarnation of is part of an organization that has protected Earth in secret for centuries. They don't believe themselves to be superheroes, but prefer the term "professionals." It's a thin premise as far as ironing these no nonsense protagonists into the fold, but it serves its purpose.

Here's my problem: the purpose it serves simply doesn't work. Stormwatch (basically the Authority) could NEVER exist in the same space as the Justice League. They'd spend 30 pages a month at each other's throats instead of getting sh** done. It'd be like Congress...or my parents. The League would find Stormwatch to be excessive and just like Stormwatch would probably think the League is a bunch of pussies. Except Batman...because he thinks EVERYONE'S a pussy. DC is a universe built on archetypal superheroes. They're the standard. They don't need to be edgy and that's not what anyone really reads DC for, so it's redundant to have a bunch of tough guys come in and call the Superfriends lightweights.

Be all that as it may, this is still a halfway decent book. Cornell does the best he can with the task he's been given. It's not quite action packed, but there's enough of a balance between action and exposition to keep the story progressing. The best part of this for me is that the first Big Bad is the Moon...the evil talking Moon. That's just f**kin awesome. Sepulvelda's artwork makes every look like they're staring into the Sun with a lot of squinting that's supposed to look like hardcore faces. Stormwatch is passable read until the Justice League makes an appearance in the book to kick their asses and remind them whose house it is. Bottom Line: Sloppy yet salvageable artwork, balanced pace, thin crossover premise, but great potential...just not now. 6.5 out of 10.

Action Comics #1

            So when DC talked about rebooting its entire continuity, I immediately treated the thought of reading certain titles with a mild neglect. Honestly, there are just some books that you know are such a cash cow for the company, you know they're a). not going to change much, b). not going to change anything major and c). not going to change anything for long. Superman has always been guilty of this very pitfall. He could decide to walk across America talking to people, die, denounce his American citizenship, grow a mullet (no, seriously...that happened), become a being a pure electricity for no apparent reason and it will be awesome for about six to eight months. This is mostly because the new writer will forget everything Kal-El learned, endured and survived and replace it with his/her better idea that will be even more awesome....for about six to eight months. Put simply, DC Comics treats Superman like Dory from Finding Nemo. I said all that to say I had every intention to skip Action Comics #1, but Grant Morrison's writing the book so I gave it a shot figuring I'd either hate it enough to spend a blog entry railing against whatever he's smoking this month or love it enough to want whatever he's smoking this month.

       Action Comics takes place five years in the past, chronicling what seems to be the Man of Steel's early adventures as the protector of Metropolis. Ok, I know how you people are about me giving things away, but I'm just going to come out and say it. Work boots, a Superman tee shirt, a cape and boot cut blue jeans come together to equal to the worst costume I've ever seen. I'm sorry, I don't mean to be nitpicky, but any given hero's uniform should, at least be a little more inventive than that of the schizophrenic that rides my bus to work in the morning screaming about Martians while smelling of Colt 45 and discarded coffee filters. This is not your father's Clark Kent. It's really not even your older brother's Clark Kent. Although he's fairly self assured, old fashioned like you're used to and quickly gaining control of his abilities, he's headstrong, he comes home to his hovel of an apartment, pats his landlady on the forehead and makes silk thin excuses about why he looks like he's been kicked in the face by Optimus Prime all while using his dual identity to help him in his career at a respectable newspaper (sound like another superhero you know?).

          Most of the supporting characters are as they always have been. Lois Lane is tenacious although tunnel minded and misguided, Jimmy Olsen is...following Lois, Sam Lane wants to kill Superman for saving people and Lex Luthor wants to help him do it (kinda). I'll say this: Morrison writes a damn good Lex. Much like in All Star Superman and Earth 2, he wrote a condescending, arrogant douchebag who treats life and people like a game of chess. There's also plenty of action here as Morrison allows Clark to cut his teeth taking on corrupt captains of industry and running (literally) from the cops. Rags Morales handles the kinetic pacing well although facial expressions leave a bit to be desired in the non action oriented beats. It's not quite as kooky as I expected from the guy who gave us Professor Xavier's evil twin, Batman's pompous douchebag son and whatever the hell he gave us in Final Crisis, but judging by the way this first issue ends, you can tell it's building towards something psychotic and indicative of the Grant Morrison we all know and love. Bottom Line: Nice art, fast paced action, decent (re)introduction of characters....a fun ride. 8 out of 10.

My First Foray Into the New 52: Justice League #1

           Okay, I should probably start this off with the obvious fact that I find the whole idea of DC rebooting their whole universe (for, I believe, a fifth time) to be stupid. It's the one trick they know so they just keep doing and it never sticks. Love it or hate it, there's a lot of hype around this initiative and the first book they trotted out is, of course, Justice League. Now, I'm not opposed to JL being rebooted because I've hated the title since Dwayne McDuffie (who will be missed...R.I.P.) was fired from writing it. For all intents and purposes, this should be DC's flagship title and Geoff Johns creates a feeling that it's what the book is going to be. In this incarnation, our heroes don't know each other and don't seem to trust (or maybe even like) each other either and the public seems to share this sentiment. There was a lot of focus on Batman and Green Lantern which gave it the feeling of a slightly edgier episode the Brave and the Bold cartoon. The back and forth dialogue between the two, introducing their personalities to us makes the book feel a little slow despite the action. We also get an introduction to another member of the team (pre-powered) whose purpose for being on the flagship team I've yet to figure out (probably because I've never been a fan of this guy). The thing that troubles me so far is that our superheroes don't really come across as heroes. It seems like a bunch of macho people getting dressed up to go looking for something to punch (some of whi.ch do so in the third person...ugh), only performing gestures to protect the status quo as an afterthought. Part of this is probably because of Jim Lee's decision to limit the emotional range of the  faces to frown and half smiles. All in all, the banter was fun, the action was acceptable, and Jim Lee did what Jim Lee does but the characters feel like they could soon become an attempt at competing with Marvel's Ultimate Universe....which is not what we read DC for. Not quite legendary, but a decent start. 7.5 out of 10.

P.S: about the cover...why does Superman look 17?