Dear Logan: Thanks But No Thanks

Since I’ve been away working on other projects, one of the main things I’ve had people asking me about is the Logan, Fox’s final attempt at making a respectable Wolverine movie (since Hugh Jackman is finally tapping out after playing Wolverine for 17 years...feel old yet?). What do I think? Am I going to go see it? Does it look like it’s any good to me?

No. I’m not going to see it. Well...I’m not going to spend money on it.

Yes, I see that it’s rated R since (in the wake of Deadpool’s success) Fox has decided that the problem with their movies is that there isn’t enough blood and cursing. Yes, I see that they’re borrowing bits and pieces from the Old Man Logan graphic novel. And yes, I see that it’s gritty and Wolverine’s all bloody and explosions and desert and X-23’s in it.

The problem is that these Wolverine movies are like a terrible ex lover that keeps coming back, telling you it’s going to be different this time. They show up at your door with a different haircut, better clothes, a new job and they don’t smell like cigarettes and whiskey anymore. They even talk a little different, remembering everything you like. They spend a few minutes convincing you of how aware they are that they fucked up their last two chances with you. They swear up and down that if they had their chance they’d show you just how much they’d appreciate you. Then you let them in just a little bit for “just one drink”. The next thing you know, you’re alone at the bar while they’re in the entirely too small bathroom in the pub next door, going down on your best friend (terribly, by the way). That’s what these Wolverine movies are. They promise that the new one isn't going to be like the last one and oftentimes, it's not, but that doesn't stop it from being worse.

Maybe it’ll be fantastic. Maybe Fox has truly gotten its shit together. Maybe this will be the thing that turns the X-franchise around for the better. Hell, maybe we should just be happy Hugh Jackman is getting one last enormous check out of this shit sandwich. Maybe things’ll get better when they reboot and get wooden ass Sam Worthington to start playing Wolverine.

Either way...I’m pretty sure I’m not ready to love again. I’ve been hurt before. Also, my review of The Mighty Thor is up and available on Black Nerd Problems for your viewing enjoyment.

Stuff I Read This Week: The Stuff Returns

Guardians of the Galaxy #12: Refresher: In case you've missed it, Original Jean Grey (from the first days of the X-Men) is stuck in the present day, learning about the checkered future ahead of her. Of course, the Shi'ar is still pissed about how she grew up to kill a few planets...so they'd like to "talk" to her about that.

Marvel's crossover events don't always hit the bullseye the way they should (looking at you, Age of Ultron) and sometimes, if they go on long enough, they seem to lose steam (that means you, Battle of the Atom), but this one seems to have a wild card in that regard: Brian Michael Bendis. "The Trial of Jean Grey" story arc takes two titles that have flourishes during the Bendis era and amplifies the things that work the best about his books in particular. He likes to go back and highlight certain aspects of superheroes that comics, in their long history and often fast paced nature, glaze over.

Anyone whose read any X-comics in the past couple of years can see that Cyclops clearly has prevailing daddy issues (He's all "wah wah, my daddy was dead and then in space"....pussy). Now, it probably wouldn't be a great idea to have Grown Up Cyclops pissing and whining about his father, but watching Young Scott Summers experience catharsis while on his way to fight space aliens to save the future love of his life? Yeah, that might be kinda awesome.

Still, the BEST part of this issue was watching Gladiator and the dissent in the ranks of his Imperial Guard. Oracle is an intriguing character and works well, unwittingly serving as the Gladiator's nagging conscience. That'll definitely be a lot to see play out in the last two issues. Sara Pichelli and Stuart Immonen's respective art styles play well off of each other. Granted, Pichelli did the majority of the pencils, but the expressive faces came in very handy for this issue which featured some pivotal emotional responses.

Bottom Line: Although it took four out of six issues to get down to the titular event, Bendis has made some rather entertaining detours that make for an engaging crossover. 8 out of 10.

Origin II: Refresher: A look into the early beginnings of James Howlett aka Logan aka Wolverine's time in the wild, led to believe his feral nature left him unable to belong among civilization.

Okay, quite honestly, I have NO idea why this series needs to exist. In the past ten years or so, Wolverine has gone from being an enigma to being the most mysterious figure in the Marvel Universe that we know damn near everything about. We've seen some backstories in the past year that we were better off not knowing (Thanos Rising) and others that work purely off the steam of a good writer's fresh eyes (Batman's "Zero Year"). If ever there were a comic book character who NEVER really needs another flashback story ever again, it's Wolverine.

Having said that, this follow up to the decade old Andy Kubert masterpiece "Origin" is actually pretty good. In for Paul Jenkins is Kieron Gillen at the helm with Andy Kubert's artwork duties passed on to his brother Adam. The result is pretty satisfying. For the most part, it picks up where the first one left off with Logan silently living in the wilderness with wolves. However, as anyone who has ever read a Wolverine comic knows....peace doesn't last very long for this guy. This issue in particular highlights the bond forming between Logan and gentle hearted animal tracker, Clara as well as Victor Creed, the callous tool who come be known as Sabertooth.

This is an enjoyable read with framework comparable to that of Tarzan or maybe even Princess Mononoke. It serves as a nice break from the psuedo-superhero/father figure of the Jean Grey school we've known from recent years and reminds us of what's most intriguing about Wolverine in the first place. Adam Kubert's pencils manage to maintain his brother's aesthetic tone. Every panel looks extremely clean in a very old fashioned way we don't see very much of these days with some of the best facial expressions I've seen all week.

Bottom Line: Even though the concept as whole feels extremely "been there," it's still a really good read. 8 out of 10